Page 61 of Chasing After You
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Mirabelle
“I’M SORRY. I think I need you to repeat that,” I say, staring at Henry in disbelief.
Did he actually offer what I think he offered?
“Can I come in?” he asks, and I rub my tired eyes, but I doubt I’ll be getting much sleep tonight after this. I open the door wider, letting him into my room. I shouldn’t have slept on the plane, but avoiding Henry was a lot of work the past week. I was exhausted, and now I’m paying the price for falling asleep on his shoulder.
“Am I still sleeping?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest as Henry drags a hand through his damp hair. Thankfully, his water heater is large enough that both of us were able to jump in the shower immediately after getting back to his house, despite it being two in the morning. I don’t mind flying, but it always makes me feel so gross.
“I did a lot of thinking after our conversation on the plane while you were sleeping, and I keep coming back to one thing. I want to help you feel more comfortable and confident with sex. You’re doing me this huge favor by helping me, an—” I cut Henry off by laughing.Yeah. That’s what I thought he said. This is amazing.“Why are you laughing?” he asks, but I’m not laughing because I think it’s funny. I’m laughing because I feel like I’m dying inside.
“You know, I can understand where you’re coming from, but I think this might be more embarrassing than anything with Reid. I don’t need you to fuck me out of pity because you think your magical dick can fix whatever is wrong with me,” I exclaim, trying not to crumble into a puddle on the bed.
I should have tried harder to continue avoiding Henry. This is awful.Don’t cry.Crying isn’t going to make this situation any better.
Henry shakes his head, putting his hands up in self-defense. “Mira, that’s not at all what I’m doing.”
“Then what do you call it?”
I can hear my heart beating in my ears and Henry steps closer to me. I swallow the lump in my throat, matching it to take a step back. The air feels stifling, and I pull the collar of my shirt uncomfortably. I want to look away—I should look away—but I can’t.
“There’snothingwrong with you. Not once did that thought cross my mind, and I promise I’m not offering out of pity,” Henry says, his eyes cataloging every move I make as he continues to get closer. I don’t have anywhere I can hide physically, but emotionally? I feel like the only piece of me he doesn’t see is the one that’s madly in love with him. “When you told Stacey you would help me with my PR by pretending to be my fake girlfriend, was it out of pity?”
I agreed because I wanted Henry to see how amazing fake dating me would be, so he wouldn’t be able to resist falling for me. It wasn’t out of pity.
“No,” I say.
Henry nods, satisfied with my answer. “I was embarrassed. I almost fucked everything up before I even had the opportunity to step on the field as a starter.That’s embarrassing.I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can say that I don’t think you should be embarrassed. I’m offering to help you because everyone deserves to be comfortable during intimacy. Everyone deserves to know what it’s like to have a partner that gives a damn about making them feel good. You said you were afraid to mess things up with the right guy, and Iloathethe idea of you thinking you’re not good enough. I don’t want you to miss out on the happiness you deserve with the right man when he comes along, so use me to practice. Use me however you want, but please let me help you.”
My lower back hits the dresser behind me, but Henry doesn’t stop advancing closer to me. I’m not even sure I’m breathing when he slows right in front of me. My brain short-circuits when Henry brushes a damp strand of hair behind my ear, his knuckles grazing down the length of my cheek and the curve of my jaw. He tilts my head upward by applying gentle pressure under my chin, his eyes reading me like I’m a goddamn book written in a language only he understands.
Oh my god.
I’m not breathing, but I think he’ll catch me if I faint.
“If I’m pitying anyone, it’s your stupid fucking ex-boyfriend for not knowing what he had in front of him,” he says.
I swallow the lump in my throat, wetting my lips. “And what’s that?”
His hazel eyes soften, and I hate seeing the bags underneath them.
“You. He had you.” Henry takes a shuddering breath, looking at me in a way that makes my heart do somersaults in my chest. “You’re . . .incandescent. You’re a beacon of light in a world that has seen too many tragedies. You’re the sun in the middle of a fucking hurricane. You’re everything good that a person could possibly be, all wrapped into one, and that’s exactly what you deserve. You deserveeverything, Mirabelle.”
My heart can’t take this. How can he say all of that and not have feelings for me?
Except, he didn’t offer to make this real. Henry is offering to let me use him to practice if it means I’ll be happy later down the line with another man. I can practically feel my heart grow as I fall more in love with him. Too bad I don’t plan on there being another man, especially after that little speech.
“How would it work?” I ask, and his gaze drops to my mouth. God, even the way he looks at me turns me on.
“However you want. I’ll be honest with you every step of the way. I know what I like, and I can’t say it’s the same for everyone, but I have an extremely hard time believing you could do anything wrong. Use me any way you want to give yourself the freedom and safety to learn whatyoulike, without some undeserving asshole making you feel like you’re doing it wrong.”
Oh fuck.My entire body is screaming that I should just agree because nothing sounds better than that, especially with Henry. Logically, however, my brain is throwing up warning signs about how quickly this can go wrong.
But, if I’m going to be ruined by anyone, I’d rather it be Henry.
I nod slowly, the craving I have for Henry overpowering whatever logic is trying to keep me from giving in. The logic entirely disappears when Henry smiles, and he leans down, kissing me gently. Angling my head to kiss him back, it’s like the restraint in him snaps, and Henry cups my face in his hands.
