Page 105 of Before You
“Nothing.”
“Nothing,right.” Mirabelle scoffs, shaking her head at me. “Or you can stop lying and tell me what’s happening. I get you don’t want Mom and Dad to worry about you, but maybe they should. We don’t need another Baile—”
And then I explode, Bailey being thrown at me after the hell I’ve put myself through takes it a step too far. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you know everything, Mira. I don’t have to tell you every single part of my life, but it doesn’t make me Bailey.I’m fucking fine,” I snap at her, immediately regretting it when Mira takes a step back from me.
“You’re very clearly not because the JJ I know would never speak to me the way you just did,” she says, her voice trembling.
Hunter appears at the bottom of the stairs, and I feel sick. “What’s going on? I can hear you from all the way upstairs.”
Mirabelle looks at me like I’m the one supposed to respond here. Her face falls when she realizes I’m not going to say anything. “JJ was just reminding me I have my own house. See you later, Hunter.”
Hunter pushes his glasses further up on his nose, staring at me in disbelief as Mirabelle walks by him. She ignores whatever he whispers to her before shaking his head at me, saying nothing else until the front door slams. “You’re lucky Mom and Dad aren’t here because they’d be so disappointed.”
“Hunter, I’m trying to protect her!”
His whole face changes, and I drag a hand through my hair, wishing Mirabelle had never made the trip to California. If she hadn’t been there while I was struggling to figure out my next step, I would have been more careful with what I said.
“What do you mean you’re protecting her?”
This is such a mess.“Do guys say shit about Mira to you?” I ask, and his jaw tightens telling me everything I need to know. Out of everyone, Hunt would be the one to understand.
“I mean, sometimes,” he admits, shrugging. “I try not to let it get to me, but what does this have to do with what’s going on between you guys right now?”
I swallow the lump in my throat threatening to choke me. “The game I hurt my knee, the linebacker who hit me was trying to get in my head, and I didn’t give him a reaction until he started chirping about those fucking leaked pictures and how he’d like to pass Mirabelle around their locker room since she likes being on display. I shoved him after calling him on his bullshit, and on the next play, he took me out. It wasn’t an accident.”
“JJ, what the fuck? Why didn’t you say anything?” he asks, moving closer, and I hate the look of pity in his expression.
A short laugh falls from my mouth because it should be obvious. I haven’t said much of anything about the shit that matters because I don’t want them to worry. It honestly makes me wonder what Hunter’s kept to himself too, because I can’t be the only one with secrets.
“What was I supposed to say? Mom and Dad were worried enough about the injury without me ripping the scab open by making Mirabelle feel like shit again for something out of her control. I didn’t have to react. I could have let it go, but because I didn’t, I’ll never be the same.”
In more ways than anyone could know, that moment changed my life forever. If I hadn’t reacted, maybe he wouldn’thave hit me as hard, and I would have been able to get up. I wouldn’t have needed the surgery, and I wouldn’t have been in a vulnerable position to get hooked on pills.I would be JJ Walker, rising football star, instead of JJ Walker, drug addict.
“Dude . . .” Hunter trails off, surprising me by pulling me into a rare hug. He’s not a fan of physical touch unless it’s on his terms. “I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is. I didn’t mean to let it slip. She caught me by surprise on a bad day after an awful game, and I wasn’t in the right headspace, but I caught myself before I said anything. Mira’s pissed I won’t tell her the real story.”
“You’re still a great player, but that’s not the only thing you are. You’re a good person, and an even better brother,” Hunter says, but I’m not convinced he’d still say it if he knew the truth.
~
I’m slow to wake up from my nap that I hadn’t meant to take after getting back from another meeting. I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, but I didn’t think I was tired enough to fall asleep at my desk while writing a letter to Marley.
I tug on a sweatshirt, heading down the stairs to the kitchen for a snack as my stomach grumbles for food. My parents are in the kitchen and seem surprised to see me here.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask, yawning while I open the fridge to see what’s inside. I have another recipe I want to try before I make it for Marley, and the ingredients are pretty standard.
“We thought you were out with Hunter,” Dad says.
“He’s at Kaitlyn’s, but I was sleeping,” I explain. He asked me if I wanted to go, but I was leaving for the meeting, so I made some excuse about going to look for a Christmas presentfor Marley. I didn’t feel good about lying to Hunter, but I’m not ready.
Mom appears next to me, resting the back of her hand against my forehead. “Are you feeling okay? You never take naps.”
“I’m fine. Just tired, I guess.”
“It’s been a while since I stretched my arm out. Do you want to throw the football around?” Dad asks, and I have a funny feeling there’s more to this that they’re not saying.Did Hunter say something about what I told him?
“Sure, if you want to,” I say, shutting the fridge to see Mom frowning at Dad.
