Page 107 of Before You
Dad looks as tired as I feel, his expression shadowed by emotions. “Because I thought you already knew it, and I’m ashamed I haven’t told you already.” He drags a hand over his stubble, and I wish we’d had this conversation sooner. Maybe things would have turned out differently. “JJ, you are so good at hiding your emotions—much better than I thought you were—and I’m sorry for not looking harder. Your mom isn’t perfect, and I’m so far from it, I’m not even sure where to begin with the list of mistakes I’ve made.”
“I don’t expect you to be perfect, I just want you to put in the same amount of effort with me as you do with Mirabelle and Hunter.” I wipe my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt as Dad’s eyes begin to shine.
“I’m sorry, JJ. I’m so sorry I haven’t seen how lost you’ve been.”
“It’s fine.”
“Don’t lie.Don’t tell me it’s fine when it’s not,” he says and I look away, my fingertips searching for another seashell to throw.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Sometimes there isn’t anything to say.”
We sit in silence, the tall grass blowing noisily behind us in the wind as the waves crash onto the shore just mere feet in front of us, the salt spraying our faces. I can’t remember the last time I sat with my dad like this, but I’m not willing to ruin the moment by elaborating on exactly how lost I’ve been.
I feel like, for the first time in a long time, my dad is listening to me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Marley
I NEEDED TO escape the looming pressure of my future after attending a slew of meetings with my father after my flight landed, so I’m hiding at my family’s penthouse in the heart of the city, trying to pretend I’m still in North Carolina with JJ. I’m also avoiding packing to go back to school, but that’s a later problem.
I can’t blame my dad for asking me to come, especially after I bailed on our original plan for me to go into the office with him all week. It gave me a good chance to practice my Mandarin since one of the investors originated from Singapore, but I’m nowhere close to being fluent. The investor did seem delighted I could converse a little before I became lost, and we switched to English. I haven’t practiced Mandarin hardly at all since transferring to Beaumont, but yesterday was a stark reminder I should make it more of a priority.
I love learning new languages and taking trips to practice with native speakers, picking up on the things I can’t learn from a tutor.
It’s not that I don’t want to be at home with my family, but I’m not ready to act like I’m excited to do this for the rest of my life. Six months ago, it would have been easier, but transferring to Beaumont has changed me more than I evercould’ve imagined it would. I’ll go back soon to spend some time with them before Bria and my’s flight is scheduled to depart later this evening, but I need a little more time to myself.
I’m camped out on the couch, working on a song I started to put together in my head a few days ago while I wait for takeout from my favorite hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant to be delivered.
I looked to the sky
Wishing for a sign
You’re everything I wanted
But everything I thought I’d never have
A shooting star I was lucky to see
Burning bright in the night
The elevator dings, pulling my attention to the entryway, and I’m dreading being found already. I thought no one would think to look here, but I’m a creature of habit, seeking comfort in the familiar.
The door slides open, and I’m pleasantly surprised to see my Uncle Dean standing there. Last I heard, his kids were sick with the flu, and they had to skip out on Thanksgiving this year.
“How did you know I was here?” I blurt out, my songbook abandoned as I stand to meet him halfway.
“I thought I’d at least get a hello, but I guess not.” He smiles, pulling me into a hug. “It’s good to see you, Lee.”
I roll my eyes, but I don’t protest the nickname. Anyone else I would, but not my uncle. He’s the only person in the world I would ever let call me Lee.
“How are you here? Kaden said your kids were sick, so I didn’t think I’d get to see you before I leave later.”
“They’re on the mend, but Tori said she had it handled so I could come check on you,” Uncle Dean explains, his blue eyes twinkling as he ruffles my hair.
“But I’m fine? Why do you think you need to check on me?” I ask, tilting my head.
