Page 109 of Before You
He laughs, and I push a smile on my face, hoping it helps my answer be more convincing. “Then why do you look like you swallowed a lemon?”
“I do not!” I glare at him, regretting I even opened the door to this conversation. Curiosity kills the cat, and in this instance, I’m the cat.
“You do, and you can continue to deny it, or you can tell me what you really think. Up to you,” he says, turning to add heavy cream and shredded Parmesan to the pan, using a whisk to mix them together.
“It’s different for me than it was for you. I don’t get to quit,” I say, not wanting to talk about this. I have two years left in school and another two of shadowing Dad before I’m eligible to take over.Only four years of freedom.It used to be a bigger number but I’ve forgotten as time passes, the number shrinks. It’s easier to pretend when I’m not here. “You and Uncle Maddox were never expected to take over the company, but I’ve grown up knowing my future, and it’s not an option for me to quit. I sat in those meetings yesterday, pretending I didn’t want to crawl and hide under the table like a little kid, and it feels selfish to not want it. I know how long my dad has wanted to retire, and I would rather spend the next thirty years pretending to be someone I’m not than disappoint him,” I admit, wonderingwhat great words of advice my uncle will have for me now. “How dare I complain about the billion-dollar company I’m going to inherit?” I mumble, mocking myself because it’s a ridiculous conversation to even be having.
“Lee, you always have a choice. You don’t have to run the company if you don’t want to,” he says, his voice softer now. I don’t need to be coddled for this, and I shouldn’t be hiding here. “What would you do if you could do anything in the world?”
It’s not a fair question because I can’t answer it. It’s easier to lose something you never had than to lose something you’ve spent time dreaming of.I shake my head, tears of anger threatening to spill over. “No. I want to. I want my dad to be less stressed, and this is the only way. I want . . .” my voice falters and I shove my feelings deep inside. This time when I speak, my voice is unwavering.“I want to run the company.”
Uncle Dean stares at me with his piercing blue eyes proving his lineage as a Benson. “All I am saying is you don’t have to.”
Except I do.
The one thing I feel like’s a choice is being with JJ.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
JJ
“HEY,” BRIA SAYS, smiling at me as I walk up the stairs as she holds the door for me on her way out. “Marley’s in her room.”
“You off to see your boyfriend?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes, but her smile doesn’t drop.
“Asher isn’t my boyfriend.”
I laugh, shaking my head at her. “Yeah, whatever you want to tell yourself.”
“He’s not.”
“I believe you,” I say, giving her a quick hug. “Did you have a good break?”
“I did, despite you stealing my best friend and forcing me to suffer through a hundred questions at Thanksgiving dinner about your roommate by myself,” Bria says as we trade places with me entering the apartment.
“Sorry.”
She scoffs, shaking her head. “You could at least pretend to look sorry. Tell Mar I’ll be back in a couple hours.”
“Have fun with your boyfriend,” I tease as Bria starts down the stairs.
“Not my boyfriend!” she calls out over her shoulder, throwing her middle finger in the air.
I lock the door behind me, chuckling to myself as I slip out of my shoes. Charlie told me earlier how Asher wouldn’t shut up about Bria the entire time and made multiple declarations to his entire family about how he was going to marry her. They are the very definition of opposites attract because I honestly think Ash would propose today if he thought she’d say yes, and she won’t even admit he’s her boyfriend.
It feels good to be back here, some of the weight lifted from my shoulders after the conversation with Hunter and my parents. It’s easier to breathe, and it helped give me the courage to share for the first time at a meeting this morning. I’m three weeks clean, and I successfully made it through a trip home without searching for pills.
Marley and Bria’s flight got in before mine yesterday, and Marley was asleep by the time I got back to my house, but I’m eager to be in the same room as her again. She makes everything easier.
I’m about to knock on her door to let her know I’m here, when I freeze at the sound of a guitar and Marley’s melodic voice as she sings on the other side.
Carefully opening the door, I hover in the doorway, selfishly wanting to listen for a moment. She looks beautiful wearing one of my sweatshirts, her caramel hair pulled back in a clip as pieces hang in her face while she looks down at the songbook in front of her.
“Without a doubt, you’re the only choice. The one I’ve dreamed of, the only thing I need,”she sings softly, and not to be narcissistic, but I hope it’s about me.“Everything fades awa—”Marley stops, her eyes widening when she sees me. “JJ?”
“Hey, sweetheart,” I say, stepping in the room, and she pushes the guitar to the side to jump up, throwing her arms around me.
“I missed you,” Marley says, and just like in her lyrics, everything does fade away.
