Page 120 of Before You
“What happened?” I ask, swallowing the lump rising in my throat, and the question seems to break the dam holding him together.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. It’s all my fault.”
What’s his fault?JJ snatches his hand away from me, and a hundred questions run through my mind. “Hey, it’s okay. Nothing is your fault, everything’s going to be fine,” I try to reassure him, but his heart rate spikes on the monitor as JJ grows more upset, his emerald eyes flashing like a wild animal trapped in a corner.
“You don’t understand, none of this would have happened if I could have just stopped. I wouldn’t be like this, and I tried so hard—so fucking hard, Marley, but it doesn’t matter,” he says, his walls demolished as tears flow freely down his cheeks.
“JJ, what happened?” I ask, my heart sputtering in my chest. I don’t know what I expected to see, but it wasn’t this.
His monitor is beeping erratically, alarms going off and a nurse and doctor enter the room, brushing past me as JJ grows more upset.“No more, please. Marley, please,”he begs, and the sheer brokenness of his voice wrecks me as I cover my mouth to keep any sound from coming out. “It’s my fault he’s dead. It’s all my fault,” he repeats, and they inject something in his IV, but I’m too focused on his words to hear the medication.
It’s my fault he’s dead.
“Miss, you can’t be in here,” one of them says, and I stare at JJ struggling against his inner demons, taking a step back as my brain struggles to process everything.
Is he talking about Asher?
“Miss,” the nurse says in a clipped tone, and I take a few steps backward, sinking against the wall until I hit the ground.
When the door opens a few minutes later, the room inside is quiet, and her kind face softens while her shoulders sink. “How did you get back here?” she asks, and I wipe my cheeks.
“My best friend is really good at creating diversions,” I admit, rising into a standing position as my legs shake under me. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Are you family?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “No, but his family is in North Carolina. I was waiting until I knew what to tell them before calling, but I’m JJ’s girlfriend. We go to Beaumont University.”
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything, but the doctor should be out in just a moment if you’ll wait here,” she says, her tone apologetic as she steps back into the room, returning a moment later with the doctor.
“I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to discuss his current condition,” she says after the nurse excuses herself, stepping into another room to check on a different patient.
“Please. I need to know what’s going on before I call his family. I’m sorry for sneaking back here, but someone called me from his phone to let me know he had been in an accident and was being admitted,” I say, unashamed when more tears roll down my cheeks.
“It’s not protocol,” she begins, and I feel all the fight drain out of me. “He doesn’t have any major injuries from the accident, but we are monitoring him to make sure he remains stable. He has a deep laceration on his forehead, but I’m more concerned with his mental state. We administered a sedative to calm his nervous system, but it’s not a long-term solution. I can’t tell you anything more without direct consent from his family, but you should call them. He’s going to need a support system.”
A sedative . . .Oh my god.That’s what JJ meant by no more. He was begging them not to give him drugs, and I did nothing to stop it, too focused on his state to realize what he wanted.
Fresh tears spring to my eyes, and I wipe them away. “He’s an addict. JJ’s two month—he was two months clean,” I whisper, feeling my stomach roll.
Her sharp inhale is her only reaction. “I’ll make a note in his chart,” she says, moving to turn, and I can’t go back in his room yet, but I also can’t see Bria without knowing.
“And my friend? Asher Locke? He would have come in with JJ.”
This time, her shoulders fall. “I’m sorry for your loss. We were told both drivers were found deceased at the scene, and the only survivor was a passenger.”
I trip over my own feet, retreating as the doctor confirms what I don’t want to believe.
He can’t just be gone? A few hours ago, he was stealing the fuzzy blanket out of my room, claiming it was softer than any of Bria’s, and now he’s just . . . dead? It doesn’t make any sense.
What am I going to tell Bria? Does Charlie know?
My friend is dead, and my boyfriend is blaming himself.I think I’m going to be sick.
I slam the door of the bathroom open, barely dropping to my knees in time to dry heave into the toilet as silent sobs shake my entire body. I give myself longer than I should to fall apart before attempting to pull myself together, pulling my phone out of my pocket, calling the person I think will understand the most how I feel right now.
“Marley? Is everything okay? It’s midnight,” he says after picking up, and a shaky breath escapes me.
“No, Dad. Everything’s not okay. I need you guys,” I admit, wanting nothing more than for all of this to be a nightmare I’ll wake up from in the morning.
