Page 121 of Before You
“We’ll be there in a few hours,” he says without my needing to say anything else. “What happened?”
My grief threatens to swallow me alive, and I bite my lip hard to keep from bursting into tears again. “There was an accident. My friend died, and I failed JJ in the worst way by not stopping the doctors when they were sedating him,” I whisper, knowing exactly how awful it sounds. “He’s an addict, but he’s been doing so damn well, Dad. He had two months, and I let him down.”
I hold my breath, expecting him to be upset with me for not saying anything sooner. “Oh, Marley,” he says, and the unexpected gentleness is so understanding, it makes me want to crumble again. “I’m so sorry.”
“I-I need to call JJ’s family, and Bria is out there waiting for me, but how do I tell B her boyfriend’s dead? How am I supposed to do any of this?”
I don’t know anything at all about the circumstances surrounding the accident, and it’s not fair.
“One step at a time,” Dad says, and I inhale a ragged breath.
“You’ll be here soon?” I ask, trying to hold onto that bit of comfort.
“As soon as I can be. I love you.”
I’m exhausted, and everything else is going to be so much harder. “I love you too.”
One step at a time. I can do this.
The only number for JJ’s family I have is his sister’s, and I don’t want to look for his phone. Mirabelle doesn’t answer the first time I call, but I force my shaking hand to press her number a second time, dreading the moment she answers.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“I know.”
“I like you, Marley, but my brother has made it crystal clear he doesn’t want to talk to me, so forgive me for hanging up. I don’t feel like dealing with his shit right now.”
“I’m at the hospital,” I blurt out before she can hang up on me. “Please don’t hang up because . . .” My voice falters. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Mirabelle.”
“What are you doing at the hospital?” she asks, any trace of bitterness leaving her voice, but I’m relieved Mira didn’t hang up. “Is JJ okay?”
“There was an accident, and I don’t know what happened. I’m not family so the doctors won’t tell me much, but I saw him, and he’s okay physically, but he’s going to need you guys,” I explain, trying to keep from dropping the addict bomb over the phone.
Mirabelle gasps. “What? Were you with him?”
“No. Asher was.”
“Is he okay?”
I swallow my emotions down, trying to become used to this new reality my friend isn’t a part of. “Asher’s dead.”
I hear Mirabelle asking me more questions, but they’re not processing in my brain.I can’t find the words to answer them. I tried, but I can’t do this.I can’t compartmentalize my emotions—not for this.
How did we get here? What wrong steps did we take to lead us to this very moment?
I mumble a short goodbye to Mirabelle before daring to go back to the waiting room. Bria is pacing back and forth, probably going out of her mind, and I’m jealous. Her world hasn’t shifted on its axis yet, and I’d give anything to not be the one to deliver the news to her.
It’s better coming from me, though. One step at a time.
It’s not too late to run and hide in JJ’s room.
Her striking eyes meet mine, widening as Bria rushes toward me. “Well? What did you find out? Are they okay? The nurse refused to tell me anything,” she says, rolling her eyes.
I open my mouth, but I don’t know how to say it. It feels unreal.
“Mar, you’re making me nervous. Just spit it out,” she says, scanning over my face, and I feel my lower lip tremble.
I thought I had already cried all my tears, but still, more pool in my eyes.
