Page 124 of Before You
I rub my temples, feeling a headache start to form as the arguing continues, and I’m jealous Hunter’s with JJ right now. I understand everyone means well—I really do—but I just wish . . . I wish the last few days didn’t happen.
“—e needs rehab! It’s not some ugly thing that’ll make him worse. It gives JJ a safe space to come to terms with what happened and provides an environment where he won’t have access to drugs,” Mom insists, crossing her arms over her chest.
“JJ won’t have access to drugs with us either. He can be home with family,” Thalia argues, and I see my mom lose hergrip on her temper, which has only happened a handful of times in my life.
“Really? Do you hear yourself? Tell me, have you considered he might have pills stashed there? Your son is an addict who just lost his best friend, and you expect me to believe you can keep an eye on him twenty-four seven to make sure JJ stays clean? From what it sounds like to me, he’s perfected the art of hiding things from you since your other son ran away, and if you take him home with you, it’s only a matter of time until JJ relapses under the pressure he puts on himself to be perfect for you.”
My jaw hits the fucking ground from the way Mom speaks to Thalia, who appears equally shocked. I don’t think she’s wrong, but there were definitely better ways to say it.
“Sephine, maybe . . .” Dad starts to say, but Thalia speaks over him.
“I might not be an addict, but you have no right to tell me you know my son better than me. I’m well aware of how I’ve failed JJ as a parent, and I absolutely should have paid closer attention, but I thought he was fine. I only want what’s best for him, and he doesn’t need to go to rehab. He’s been doing fine without it.”
Mirabelle makes eye contact with me, her eyes wide.
“Before he watched his best friend die in a car accident with him! You’re still not listening to him. JJ is blaming himself, and I know exactly what road he’s headed dow—”
“Oh my god, can you both just fucking stop?” I snap, standing up. I’ve had enough of listening to them go around in circles. “This is not helping anyone, andespecially not JJ. Has anyone considered maybe just asking him what he wants to do instead of bickering like children over what you think is the best decision? Maybe show JJ you’re willing to trust him when he says he wants to get better by letting him tell you what he needs?”
The room falls quiet enough as everyone turns to stare at me, and I swear I can hear the lights humming with electricity.
“Marley’s right. We need to move on because JJ should be the one to make this decision. It’s the least we can do,” Mirabelle says, and Thalia slumps into the chair behind her, running her hands over her face.
“I’m sorry, Sephine. This . . . it isn’t easy for me to understand, and I hate how I’m failing my kids, but I’ll try harder to listen to what you’re saying.”
Mom sighs, sitting down as well. “I’m sorry too. I just . . . I know how he’s feeling right now, and I’m trying to make sure he gets the help he needs. It’s obvious how much you love your kids, and I respect you for fighting for him, but I’m not trying to be cruel by saying he’s an addict, and very capable of lying to get his hands on drugs. I don’t want to put any of you in a situation to harm your family more,” she explains.
Thalia offers a smile my mom returns with one of her own, and I relax a little, hoping this means they aren’t going to hate each other.
The rest of this is up to JJ.
~
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about how today is going to go.
“Nous pouvons revenir en arrière,”28 I suggest, not wanting to push him further than he’s already come today.
JJ takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “No, I can do this.”
I can’t tell if he’s trying to convince me or himself.
My black dress is paired with a black coat, and JJ is wearing a black sweater and dress pants. I slide out of the driver’s side and quickly walk around to meet him. His face is hollow, but he’s still clean. The plan for today is to not let JJ out of my sight because this is the exact type of situation that will make him want to numb his feelings to make it easier.
I grab his hand, entwining our fingers together. He offers me a tired smile, and I press a kiss to the back of his hand. “I can do this, Mar. I can,” he attempts to reassure me, but I’m nervous.I’m so nervous.
I haven’t been able to push what he asked me after the accident out of my head,Are you going to leave me too?Never in a million years has the thought of leaving him crossed my mind, and I hope I’ve convinced JJ of it, but between JJ and Bria, I’m worried. At least her dad is coming with her to the visitation today, but I’ve been splitting my time between the hospital and the apartment trying to be there for both of them. Bria visited JJ at the hospital a few days ago, and it seemed like their talk went well, but I was trying to give them space.
“You can,” I reassure him, feeling a cold breeze ruffle my hair.
“Thank you—for everything.”
I lead us into the building where Asher’s visitation is being held, holding tightly to JJ for my own sake. JJ leaves for rehab tomorrow, and I’m not ready to say goodbye, but I’m just glad he was able to make the decision for himself. While he’s in rehab, the plan is for Henry and Mirabelle to temporarily relocate here so JJ can finish the semester out with some form of normalcy by living with them.
My only hope for today is that everything goes smoothly for Asher’s sake.He deserves to be celebrated in peace.His family is going to fly home tomorrow with his body to bury him at home.
A couple of heads turn when we step through the doors, and JJ’s hand goes slack in mine, but I refuse to let go. News of the accident flew around campus until it was picked up by the press, and the Walker’s lawyer issued a press release asking for privacy after multiple photographers were caught trying to slip past security in the hopes of snagging a picture of our familiestogether. So far, his addiction hasn’t been leaked, but I know JJ’s anxious about everyone finding out.
He refused to see anyone from the team, but it didn’t stop them from showing up. JJ can’t hide from them here, though.
