Page 125 of Before You
Luka’s the first to approach, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Hey,” he says, offering the smallest smile in our direction.
“Hi,” JJ replies, and I squeeze his hand, trying to offer him reassurance.
“I’m glad you’re okay. Everyone’s been worried about you,” Luka adds, rocking back on his heels.
“Thanks for visiting me at the hospital,” JJ says, doing his best to smile back.
Luka tilts his head. “But I didn’t actually see you?”
“I know, but I appreciate you trying anyway.” JJ shrugs, looking at the ground for a moment. “You doing okay?”
“The house is a lot quieter,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “Just doesn’t feel real, ya know?”
JJ nods, and I try not to linger on the bandage still on his forehead or the shadows underneath his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”
“Sorry, of course you know.” Luka’s dark skin tints as he shifts his gaze away. “Listen, I’ll catch you later, okay?”
“Sure, good to see you,” JJ mumbles, and we walk further in.
“You’re doing great,” I say, and his mouth tugs up into the smallest smile.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to lie to m—” He’s cut off when a blur slams into his chest, causing a grunt to slip from his lips at the impact, and he stumbles back before I realize it’s Charlie.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she says, hugging him tightly, and I let go of his hand so he can return the hug.
JJ’s arms fold tentatively around her. “I’m so sorry, Charlie,” he whispers.
“Thank you for coming. It means so much,” she says, before stepping back, hugging me next. “Both of you.”
“I’m really sorry for your loss,” I say, on the verge of tears again when she pulls back, and I see how bloodshot her eyes are.
“I’m sorry about . . .” JJ trails off, his face falling. “About Asher. I should have made him stay. This is all my f—” His voice breaks, and Charlie’s jaw drops.
“You don’t really believe this is your fault, right?” she asks, sighing when he looks away, answering Charlie’s question. “JJ, no one blames you. Asher loved you like a brother, and the other driver was speeding and ran the light. Ash wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, so unless you unbuckled it for him, there’s no way in hell this is your fault.”
“But . . .” JJ trails off, and Charlie sniffles, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her dress.
“He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself because it wasn’t your fault.”
JJ covers his mouth with his hand, his own tears escaping the corners of his eyes. I think he really needed to hear someone other than me and our families tell him that. “Thank you,” he says before taking a few steps back. “I’m sorry, I . . . I need a minute.”
“I’m sorry, Charlie, I have to,” I falter, looking to where JJ has just retreated through the front doors. I find him on the ground next to my car, his knees hugged to his chest as he sobs.
I lower myself next to him, brushing his hair out of his face. “Oh, JJ,” I say, as he hides his face in his hands.
“You should go back and be with everyone,” he mumbles, his body shaking underneath my touch. “You need to grieve for Asher too.”
“I’m not leaving you. Those were the terms for coming.”
“You don’t have to stick by me because you’re afraid I’m going to take pills. There’s nothing here for me to take.” JJ looks up at me, his exhaustion written all over his face.
I cup his face in my hands, refusing to let him look away from me. “I am with you because I love you. You’re in pain and hurting because your best friend is gone. I’m here for you in every way.”
“I’m sorry. I love you, it’s just . . .” He takes a shuddering breath.
“A lot. I know,” I say, pressing a short kiss to his forehead. “Whatever you need, baby, just please, don’t shut me out.”
JJ leans into me, and I hold him tightly.
