Page 127 of Before You
“And you think those people are us?” Marley asks, grazing her fingertips over my jaw.
“I want to live my life with you, being as happy as I can be holding up signs with your name on them to be your biggest cheerleader while you play the guitar for other people.”
A soft sigh escapes her. “You’re not making it any easier I have to walk away,” she says, and I steal another kiss from her.
“I don’t want you to forget me after tonight,” I admit, pressing my lips once more to the corner of hers.
I pull back, committing everything about her to memory.
“As if I could ever forget you,” she says, giving me one more heart stopping smile. “I look forward to seeing how our story ends.”
~
I’m doing my best to live, taking Asher’s last words to heart.
Rehab has forced me to deal with a lot of my suppressed feelings, and it feels like all I do is go to therapy. There’s group therapy and one-on-one therapy, and I’ve talked about my feelings so much that I think my feelings have feelings.
My therapist here has been a big help, encouraging me to deal with Asher’s death and Bailey’s goodbye, in addition to why I became addicted to pills in the first place.
Despite everything, I feel more like my old self than I have in a long time.
My leg is bouncing anxiously as I wait for Marley to get here. We’re allowed visitors every Sunday and this will be my first time seeing her since I came here. My parents came the first week, the second week it was Mirabelle and Henry to give an update on the townhome they’re renting this spring, and this week it’s Marley’s turn.
I’ve kept in touch with her mom a lot after she found my letters for Marley and made sure they got to her. She told me to call her anytime for anything before I checked in here, and I have no idea how many times I’ve called, but I know talking to her helps.
I wish I had real flowers to give Marley, but I’ve spent the last two weeks learning how to make paper flowers in one of the art therapy classes they have here, and I’m excited to give her the bouquet I’ve made.
Hopefully, she doesn’t think they’re stupid. I just want to show Marley she still means everything to me, and I’m still me despite everything.
And then finally, I see her. I stand up, wiping my sweaty palms on my pants as Marley beams at me, picking up her pace to throw herself into my chest, her arms and legs winding around me as I react to catch her.
“I’ve missed you,” I say, breathing in the comforting and familiar smell of her shampoo while she buries her face in my neck.
“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” Marley mumbles, showing no sign of her grip loosening.
“Did you become a koala since the last time I saw you?” I tease, dragging my fingers through the ends of her hair.
“Yep,” she says, pressing her lips to my neck before pulling back to smile at me, finally letting me look at her face. I adjust my grip under the back of her thighs to make sure I’ve got her.
“Hi, beautiful,” I say, looking directly into her cerulean eyes.I could stare into them forever.
They twinkle as she smiles before teasing me. “Wow, you’re calling me something other than sweetheart?”
“Don’t get used to it, I just couldn’t think of anything other than how beautiful you are.” I press a short kiss to her sweet lips before Marley unravels herself from me.
“Smooth.”
There’s a flash of gold around her neck, and I’m glad she’s still wearing the necklace I gave her.It’s so good to be near her.I thread my fingers between Marley’s, bringing her hand up to my mouth to kiss it. “Not as smooth as spending two weeks making you flowers because it’s the only way to give any to you. I’m sorry they’re not real, but I promise there will be plenty in the future,” I say, twisting to reach behind me where the paper flower bouquet awaits.
Marley gasps as she gently takes it from me, looking at the flowers in awe as she sits down. “JJ, these are beautiful,” she says, turning the bouquet to examine them all. “I can’t believe you made these.”
“I’ve had a lot of free time, so I figured I should do something with my hands.”
“I love you,” she says, her smile warming my heart. “How have you been doing?”
“I don’t always feel like I’m doing great, but I’m clean and that’s what matters.” It’s only then I realize I’m honest about how I’m feeling.Maybe this whole therapy thing actually is working.Before, I never would have said anything about how I was really feeling. Yet, I don’t want to make her worry either.
But when I peek at her face to see what kind of reaction she’s having to my honesty, Marley’s nodding, appearing to agree as if she can understand where I’m coming from. “Keep taking it one day at a time,” she says, and a terrible part of me is glad for a moment her mom is an addict too, so Marley already understands how all this works. It’s not something I should be glad about.
