Page 130 of Before You
“It wasn’t my secret to share, any more than it was Asher’s, B. It doesn’t mean JJ didn’t trust you, but from what I’ve witnessed, I think he carries a lot of guilt and shame surrounding his addiction. He didn’t want anyone to know.”
Bria tucks her hands into the sleeves of the sweatshirt, her eyes shining. “I just . . . I can’t help wondering if maybe things would have turned out differently if JJ had told me. I know it’s beyond selfish to even think it, but I wonder if Asher might still be here?” Bria quickly wipes at her cheeks, huffing. “Sorry, I know it probably wouldn’t change anything still, but I don’t know.”
“You could talk to JJ about it,” I suggest, not wanting to speak for him anymore than I already have.
“Do you think he’d be okay with that?” she asks, and I think he would for Bria.
“You won’t know until you try.”
Bria smiles back, hopping off the counter. “Thanks,” she says, and I nod, smiling back at her.
“Of course.”
She moves toward her door, before hovering. “Hey, Mar?”
“Yeah?”
“I know he needs you right now, and I do too, but make sure you’re still taking time for yourself. You can’t be everything for everyone, and I noticed you haven’t been writing or playing the last couple of weeks.”
I’m honestly a little surprised she’s noticed. If it weren’t for my guitar propped up in the corner of my room, I think I would have forgotten I haven’t touched it.
“I’ve just been busy.” It’s a weak attempt to defend myself, and while it might be true, it’s an excuse. I’m avoiding how I’m feeling about everything because putting it into a song makes it real. I’m not ready to deal with real yet.
“Okay,” she says, not pushing me before disappearing into her room. I suppose that’s my cue to go back to mine and finish my dreadful homework.
I settle down in my chair, taking a quick glance at my guitar before turning back toward my computer. Turning my brain off, I come up with the simplest idea I can for a company because it’s better not to let my mind wander about what might be.
Words fill the document and if I’m being honest, I don’t think I remember a single word I typed before turning it in. It’s mindless for me.
I rub my temples to get rid of the headache I can feel coming when my phone dings with a notification, and I’m more than a little confused to see a text with a link from my uncle.
Dean:In case you haven’t heard, you have choices.
What on earth is he talking about?
I click the link and it brings me to an article published ten minutes ago.
Billionaire mogul and CEO of Benson Pharmaceuticals, Hayes Benson, stepped down from his position in the company moments ago at a press conference. It has long been rumored the daughter of Hayes and Sephine Benson was being groomed to take over the company much like Mr. Benson took over for his father, but in this shocking turn of events, the company has been left to the now former CFO, Maddox Benson. Hayes Benson stated he will maintain a role in the company by staying on as a board member through this transition and remain a majority shareholder.
My jaw drops as tears fill my eyes. I don’t have to run the company. I can do what I want. I’ve never actually let myself consider what I really wanted to do with my life, because I thought it would be harder to take over if I had something to dream for, but now the possibilities are endless.
I don’t know how or why this happened, but it feels like the first breath of fresh air I’ve taken in weeks.
I have choices.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
JJ
“I THINK THIS is the last of it,” Henry says, setting a box down in my new room where Mirabelle and I have been unpacking. I look around at the white walls, the perfect representation of the fresh start I have here.
“Thank you,” I say, and he offers me a nod in acknowledgement. He’s always been a man of few words, but things between Henry and me need time to get back to normal. He doesn’t trust me anymore, and I can’t say I blame him. I successfully hid a drug addiction from everyone for an entire year.
When they visited me at rehab, I was honest with them about the circumstances surrounding the injury to my knee after my therapist suggested I tell Mirabelle, because the thing about secrets is they only have power over you if you let them.
Mira took it on the chin, and thankfully we’ve been able to start moving forward from the secrets I kept, but I know it’s not forgotten.
All I can do is be patient and continue working the program while I try to earn their trust back.
