Page 132 of Before You
I sit down next to her as she opens the bag of takeout, and the smell of burgers and fries fills the air, making my stomach grumble.
“You’re here for more than that,” I say, leaning forward to press a short kiss to her lips. “You brought burgers?”
“From your favorite place. I’m pretty sure we’ve established I can’t cook, but I also dropped a burger off for Eddie. He told meI’m his new favorite employee,” Marley says, causing both of us to laugh. She makes it so easy to be happy.
“Sounds like Eddie, but I can’t blame him because without a doubt, you are my favorite person in the whole world.”
The food doesn’t last long, and thankfully, Marley decides to take pity on me by forgoing any more unpacking to let me hold her as we stream a movie on my laptop.I’m convinced there isn’t a better feeling than this.She’s tracing small patterns on my hand, and just being in the same room with her has me relaxed enough I could probably fall asleep.
But then it hits me out of nowhere the last time I saw this movie, it was with Asher, and a fresh wave of sorrow washes over me. Every single part of my body is telling me to run away, but I press my nose into Marley’s hair, inhaling the familiar scent to focus on her instead.
Running away doesn’t solve anything.
“Are you okay, or is there a reason you’re smelling my hair?” she asks, and I hesitate. Marley twists in my arms, turning to look at me. “JJ?”
“I miss Asher.”
“I know. I miss him too,” Marley says, and I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling right now, because I don’t know how to put it into words.
“I know he’s gone, and it’s good to talk about him to focus on the good memories instead of the last ones, but it’s the reminders when I’m least expecting them that hurt the most,” I say, running my fingers through the ends of her hair. It’s starting to get longer again. A lump grows in my throat as Marley watches me, giving me her sole focus. “Did I tell you the last thing he said?”
“No,” she says, her eyes widened in curiosity.
“I asked him what I was going to do if Bailey wasn’t coming back, and Ash turned to look at me and said, ‘You live.’ He nevereven saw the car coming, but I don’t know . . . it makes me feel a little better to remind myself, even if it’s not what he meant in the moment. I don’t want to take any of my days for granted, but I also want to try to be happy so when I see Asher again, I can tell him everything.”
“Even if it’s not what he meant, I think Asher would tell you the same thing if you could talk to him now.” Marley’s eyes well up with tears, and she smiles. “He’d be really proud of you,amore mio.”
“You think?” I ask, my voice cracking, and she nods.
“I do.”
I brush a lock of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. “Thank you.”
“Are you doing okay otherwise?” Marley asks, chewing her bottom lip as she waits for my answer.
“I am,” I say, and I’m not even lying when I say it. It’s better to tell the truth—even if it’s hard—than to lie because lies are what led to relapsing. Sephine and I have talked about this in great detail, and so has my therapist. I can only control how I act, not how others react. “It’s nice having Mirabelle and Henry here, and I’m meeting with my therapist tomorrow, so I can talk through everything else then.”
“I’m really happy for you.”
“Are you still feeling good about your dad’s decision to leave the company to your uncle?”
Her entire face lights up, and she’s positively radiant. “I’m feeling fantastical.”
I’m not sure why he changed his mind, and I’m not even sure Marley knows, but I’m so damn glad he did. “Sweetheart, is fantastical a real word?”
Marley smiles brighter, giggling. “Actually it is. Just like all of the possibilities I can now consider for my future.”
I love how excited she is. There’s a lightness to Marley that didn’t exist before, making it obvious how much happier she is now that she’s not being expected to take over the company. My sweet girlfriend was willing to sacrifice her happiness to do what she thought would make her parents happy, but there ended up being a solution that made everyone happy.
“You know . . . I can say I am a little bummed about having to change my fantasy of seeing you in a sexy pantsuit, barking out orders at people, and then fucking you on your desk afterward,” I tease, enjoying the heat flaring in her eyes.
“JJ, stop,” she chides, shaking her head. “I might still end up taking over one day, but I have choices now.”
I raise my eyebrows at her since she didn’t turn me down. “So does that mean I can still hold out for my fantasy?” Marley rolls her eyes but doesn’t respond and it’s probably better to let this go if I ever want it to happen. However, I only want it to happen if Marley does. “Have you decided what you’re going to switch your major to?”
At this point, the movie has been long forgotten.
“I have.”
