Page 33 of Before You
She twirls the flower slowly, the delicate petals drawing my attention again. I’m having a really hard time believing Trent could have picked out this flower. “Because I talked to him.”
“When?” I ask, surprise getting the better of me. I shouldn’t care Bria talked to JJ.
Bria pops the lid on her water, taking a long sip. “I thought you didn’t care?” she muses, standing up and stretching.
Asher. It has to be because of Asher. Still, it doesn’t help with the jealousy brimming under my skin. I really shouldn’t care Bria saw JJ, but she needs to take a step back, or I might explode. I’m not an angry or brash person, and I don’t like carrying this much anger.
“I don’t,” I snap back because I do care, and I instantly feel bad for snapping at her when this time, she falls silent. Bria’s pushing my buttons on purpose, but it’s what family does. Bria’s as much my family as my own flesh and blood, and she’s always been blunt and outspoken, exactly like her mother, who also hasno problem calling it like it is. On the other end, I’m reserved like my parents.
I dry my hands off, exhaling softly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” I say, and Bria stands up, leaning against the counter next to me.
She smiles at me reassuringly. “Don’t be sorry, Mar. I’m trying to get a reaction out of you, because it proves me right. You have feelings for JJ, even if you’re trying to convince yourself not to have them.”
“So you haven’t talked to him?” I ask, and Bria grabs a spoon, dipping it in the remaining cookie dough.
“No, I have. We go running together in the mornings now.”
They run together now? What exactly has JJ said to her? Shit, is it bad I want to know?
“Is he okay?” I ask quietly.
“Honestly, we don’t talk about you, but JJ’s not subtle. He wants to ask, but I think he’s trying to be respectful and wait for you to come to him. He runs like the devil is hot on his heels, so take that however you will with how he’s doing. Asher told me JJ knows he was wrong not to tell you right away, and he’d do everything differently if he could,” Bria says, and I’m not sure how I feel right now. As if Bria can tell how conflicted I am, she continues, “I did learn another interesting bit from Asher, though. I guess since they’ve met freshman year, JJ hasn’t so much as looked at another girl because he’s been waiting to find you.”
If anything, it only makes me feel worse because I waited for JJ too. I waited until . . .I didn’t. I got in my head last year before I applied to Beaumont, and my friend, Leo, was with me. I was stressed and sad—neither of which was a good reason to do it, but I still kissed him anyway. One thing led to another, and it was awkward—oh my god, it was so awkward—we agreed to never,everspeak of it again. Then I met Trent in April, and ithad been two years by that point since I had seen JJ, so I tried to forget about the boy with vivid green eyes who asked me not to forget him.
I wish I had waited, because then we wouldn’t be in this mess.
The terrifying thing is how badly I do want to see JJ, and maybe it’s why I’m trying so damn hard to focus on how he didn’t tell me. Maybe I need to remind myself he’s human, and allowed to make mistakes, especially when it’s obvious he wasn’t hiding it maliciously.
I know I’m not entirely innocent, but I never crossed any lines. Being jealous of another girl talking to JJ and calling him to hang out is so different from fucking other girls while Trent and I were together.
“I—” The sound of a knock on the front door interrupts me, and I look at Bria in surprise. “Are you expecting anyone?”
“No, but if it’s Asher trying to make a romantic gesture, tell him I’m not here,” she says, retreating to the back of the apartment.
“Are you really hiding right now? Asher is like a golden retriever trapped inside a twenty-two year old,” I say, rolling my eyes as I walk to the door.
I open the door, expecting Asher to be on the other side, but instead it’s Trent, holding a bouquet of red roses, exactly like the rest of the bouquets up to this point. He thrusts them at me, stepping inside before I can slam the door in his face.
“Marley, babe, I’m so sorry. You have no idea how awful I feel. I love you so much and I’ve been miserable without you, but I wanted to give you space so you’d see how much better we are together. Those other girls meant nothing to me, and I can’t imagine being with anyone but you. Please let me show you I’m different now. Don’t throw away everything we’ve been building together because of a few mistakes. We can grow from this.”
“Like further apart?” I retort back, absolutely stunned by everything coming out of his mouth. “I saw exactly how you managed just fine with other girls, and it didn’t seem like there were any problems.”
“I made mistakes, but that’s all they were. Think of everything we could be if you just gave me another chance. I have never felt like this about anyone before, and I know you’re not going to end us over a couple mistakes, right?” he asks, and I can’t believe the audacity of Trent.
“I’m not giving you another chance, and it doesn’t matter how much space you give me. I’m not changing my mind. We’re over,” I say firmly, hoping Bria can hear all this.
And then Trent smiles at me. “You don’t mean that.”
I hear Bria laugh behind me while I stare at Trent, wondering how I could have been so blind to see past his bullshit. “I actually do mean it, because if you truly want to be with me, you wouldn’t have looked twice at another girl, which means you either wanted to use me as a fuck buddy, or you wanted me for my last name. I don’t really care to find out which one it is, but we’re done. I want you to leave, and take those with you, because I want nothing to do with you. Don’t send any deliveries or leave any at my door,” I say bluntly, and his jaw unhinges in surprise.
“I haven’t left any at your door. I was trying to give you space, so everything I’ve sent has been through a delivery service,” he says, ignoring the part where I said we’re done. My heart stutters in my chest, realizing the beautiful lavender rose Bria found at the door is JJ’s flower.
“It doesn’t matter. Please don’t send any others. You need to go,” I say, doubling down.
Trent’s jaw clenches, and I’m so ready to be done with him. “I think it does matter. Were you cheating on me?” he asks, and I shake my head.
“No. I never cheated on you. Get out,” I say firmly, and he attempts to cross his arms over his chest, but the obscenely large bouquet of flowers in his hands makes it difficult.
