Page 40 of Before You
“Can you really blame me? Mar, you were running your fingers through my hair while I rested my head on your . . . chest. It was nice.”
I laugh in disbelief, shaking my head at JJ. “You are such a guy. I promise, a pillow would be much more comfortable than my boobs.”
“Think whatever you want, but if I had to pick between a pillow and boobs, boobs would win every single damn time, no matter how much I might love pillows.” JJ smiles at me, and it’s such a drastic change from the broken expression on his face earlier before he fell apart, I’m hesitant to believe it. I suspect he’s putting on a front, and I don’t want JJ to feel like he has to with me.
“Yeah? How much experience do you have with them to answer so confidently?” I ask, playing along for a minute. It’s still pouring outside, and the last thing I want to do is spook him into running away.
“None at all,” JJ answers, and the ease in his body language as he tilts his head causes mine to spin.
I hate that I doubt whether he’s telling the truth, but the idea seems so preposterous, it can’t possibly be true. I know Bria said Asher told her JJ hasn’t even looked at another girl, and Trent echoed something similar. Maybe I’m looking for reasons not to give in to whatever it is I feel for JJ, but I’ve seen JJ talk to other girls myself.
“Are you hungry? I have to use the restroom, but there’s plenty of cookies in the cupboard by the microwave if you want any,” I blurt out, deflecting because now I really do have to pee, but I’m also going to take the few minutes I’ll be in the bathroom to collect my thoughts.
It’s only after I’m washing my hands I remember the cookies probably aren’t edible, and I’d really prefer to not poison JJ with my awful attempt at baking. I open the door, stepping out to see him putting the lid on the container holding the cookies.
“Wait!”
He startles, turning to look at me confused. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t eat the cookie. I’m awful at baking, and I’m pretty sure they suck,” I say, and JJ raises his dark eyebrows skeptically, taking a bite. I cringe when it takes him a moment to bite through the cookie, and I hold my breath, waiting to see if he drops dead.
JJ’s slow to swallow, and I regret ever keeping the cookies in the first place. “Wow,” he says, coughing, and I move to grab a glass to fill with water. JJ drains the glass, but a stray drip escapes the corner of his mouth, dribbling down his strong jaw to his neck before he wipes it away.
He clears his throat, and I think my entire body is redder than a tomato. “So what kind of cookie was that?” JJ asks, and I wish I could hide in the bathroom.
“It was supposed to be chocolate chip.”
“Oh,” he says, nodding his head thoughtfully.
Why didn’t I throw them away when I realized they tasted like shit?
“That bad?”
JJ shrugs, his lips quirking up in another smile, and I grab the container, dumping all of them in the trash can. “You’re not a baker, are you?” he asks, and I pluck the rock-hard cookie from his hand, tossing it with the others.
“Apparently not. I’m sorry, let me see if I can find something else. What do you want to eat?” I ask, my voice coming out slightly higher pitched than normal. Opening the cupboards, I look to see what Bria got last time she went grocery shopping.
“Marley,” JJ says, and goosebumps prickle across my skin at the way he says my name.
“Yeah?” I ask, turning around to face him and lean against the counter behind me.
“I’d rather know whatyouwant?” he asks, dragging a hand through his hair. As easily as he was joking around a few minutes ago, JJ’s serious now.
The answer is simple, yet so complicated:JJ.I want JJ to stay. I want to take care of JJ. I want him to be telling the truth when he suggests there has never been another girl.
He’s sobig. It sounds stupid to think, but there’s no other way to describe JJ from his height to his muscles. Sometimes it’s easy to forget until he’s right in front of me, but even the way he holds himself screams he’s aware of his size.
“It doesn’t matter to me. Whatever you want to do,” I say, grabbing the counters for support in case my body decides to give out.
JJ tilts his head, looking at me in a way that feels as if he can see directly through my words to the ugly, stained truth I haven’t been able to voice yet. It makes me dizzy, in an intoxicating way, and I don’t know if it’s good he holds this much control over me.“Sweetheart, the only thing I want is for you to be happy,” he says, taking a step closer to me, and another, until my brain is malfunctioning at the proximity of how close JJ is without being close enough to touch me.
“JJ,” I begin to say, but my throat catches. I could say it, but I’m not ready. I hold fast to the edge of the counter, but I refuse to let my grip waver when his fingers gently nudge my chin up to have our eyes meet.
“What?”
“I’m worried about you,” I whisper.
His shoulders droop, giving me a glimpse of what I saw earlier, lurking behind the pretty smiles and the seemingly effortless charisma. JJ’s eyes shut heavily, and his lips press tightly together.
