Page 58 of Before You
“These are for you,” he says, offering me the flowers after pulling away.
I wonder if he knows what his love language is, because I would have initially said words of affirmation, but now I want to say it’s acts of service. “I love them, but you didn’t have to buy me another bouquet. You already gave me flowers last night,” I say, holding them in one hand as he opens the door for us.
“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.”
He hovers next to me as we stand in line, looking at all the different flavors when I reach for his hand, hooking our pinkies together. JJ looks down at me, a sweet smile curling his lips up, and I think I might go into cardiac arrest. His smile combined with sweet words is a lethal combination for my heart. I can already hear the music in my head, perfectly emulating this moment.
“I feel like I should have brought you flowers. You were incredible today,” I admit, and his smile widens.
“Thank you, Mar. It means a lot coming from you, and even more you were able to make it not just to the game, but also here.”
My cheeks flush under the weight of his focus. “I wouldn’t have missed either,” I say, the conversation pausing as a scooper asks what flavors we want.
JJ’s already handing over his card before I can offer to pay, leading us back out to the bench he was on when I arrived.
“How did you sleep?” he asks, angling his body to face me, and I look down at the flowers in my lap, next to my cup of cookies and cream.
“Not the best,” I admit, and JJ’s arm rests on the back of the bench, his knuckles brushing against my shoulder. “I had a lot on my mind.” I take a bite of my ice cream, glancing at JJ who is only watching me with what I can describe as concern.
“Even after we spoke?” JJ asks, prodding gently for me to attempt untangling my thoughts. The flowers in front of me suddenly become very interesting again. I don’t know why this is hard for me to talk about. It shouldn’t be. I think my feelings for JJ is the least complicated thing in my life and it’s still difficult to vocalize. “Marley?”
“I’m not good at talking about my feelings,” I say, my confidence waning as I struggle to find the right words to say. Give me a piece of paper and I can write them into song lyrics, or a guitar and I’ll find the right chords to speak the unspoken. Me trying to vocalize my feelings is a different thing entirely.
He smiles at me, and it feels exactly like the first day of spring after a long winter. “It’s okay.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter if I have the right words. Maybe it’s about trying to be vulnerable.
“I thought about you all the time after I left France. I went back and forth between regretting not giving you my full name or phone number, and being glad I didn’t.” JJ flinches, and I shake my head, quickly elaborating. “It’s not that I didn’t want to see you again, but everything about our time together was perfect. I was afraid if I saw you again, it would somehow ruin it.”
“And has seeing me again ruined it?”
“No,” I answer quickly, and JJ’s shoulders relax. “JJ, you’re like a breath of fresh air, filling my lungs instead of suffocating them. If anything, you’re better than I ever could have hoped for.” I reach over to take his hand, trying to reassure him because I’m not sure I’m making any sense. “It scares me how comfortable I am with you because I don’t let people in. My entire life, I’ve seen and experienced first-hand how cruel people can be. But you, JJ? You have made it so easy for me to be in love with you from the moment I met you. I feel like my existence has been separated into two categories, and every single moment before you came into my life pales in comparison after meeting you. That’s what I thought about all night.”
It feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest, finally admitting my feelings for him.
“I-I . . .” JJ trails off, his eyes shining as he stares at me.
“You okay?” I ask, and this time, his smile is bright enough it could light up the darkest night.
He brushes his thumb over the back of my hand, the gentle gesture causing my body to react with a shiver. “My words are failing me right now,” JJ admits, his voice a quiet rumble.
“How about, I love you too?” I suggest, and he chuckles.
“I do—so much.”
~
JJ and I sat at the ice cream shop as long as we could, but unfortunately, Bria could only stall for so long. It worked out fine because JJ had plans with the team, and I’d rather not scare him off by subjecting him to my father’s line of questioning for the second night in a row. Unfortunately, when JJ kissed me goodbye, one kiss turned into two, and then I lost track until Bria called to ask where I was.
I step out of my car with my flowers in hand at the same time my dad and Grayson climb out of theirs. If the tension I can clearly see in my father’s shoulders didn’t clue me in to something being wrong, the scowl on his face says everything.
My hand lingers on my car door as I strain to hear what they’re saying.
“I’m so sick of this shit, Gray. Do they really think because headquarters are in New York, they’ll get away with anything they want?” Dad asks, tugging a hand through his salt and pepper colored hair.
“I can draw up the paperwork tonight, but I can’t file it until we get back. I trust my associate, but I’d prefer to handle this myself,” Grayson says, and Dad shakes his head. I should interrupt, but I want to know more.
“No, you rarely take time off. I’m not having you do any more work than I already have by asking you to go with me today. It can wait until we’re back.”
