Page 65 of Before You
He pulls away, dropping his head to rest in the crook of my neck. “Marley, I’m trying to control myself.”
I laugh, wrapping my arms around him. “Have you considered maybe I don’t want you to?”
“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that good things come to those who wait. If they didn’t, then I wouldn’t have you,” he says sweetly, pressing another kiss to my neck.
“You’re right.”
JJ slowly pushes up, creating a clear separation of where I end and he begins, taking the spot next to me on the bed. It makes me feel a little better when he readjusts himself, but I’m envious of his self-restraint. His head turns, catching me staring at the obvious bulge in his pants.There’s not enough readjusting in the world to hide that.JJ rolls on his side, tipping my chin up to look at him. “I promise, it’s not because I don’t want to.God, do I want you.Maybe I’m just a romantic or whatever, but there’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere, and I hope you aren’t either.”
“I’m not. I believe you, JJ,” I say, relaxing a little. I mirror how he’s lying, my knees bumping his, and a warm smile forms on his face. “Did you . . .” I trail off, unsure if it’s okay to ask.
“Did I what?”
“You said you pictured this moment. Did you mean it?”
“I mean every word with you,” JJ says. “It was actually thirty-one months, but who’s counting?”
I smile, chuckling. “It sounds like you have.” A blush crawls up his neck and into his cheeks, but I don’t want him to be embarrassed. “I think it’s cute,” I say, but now JJ raises an eyebrow.
“You think it’s cute I’ve been counting since the last time I was with a girl?”
My brain glitches, not understanding. It means . . . I mean, I know what Trent told me about never seeing JJ with anyone, and Bria told me what she heard from Asher, but when JJ never said anything, I didn’t know what to think. “But that’s when we met in France?”
“Trust me, I know.” JJ snorts, dragging a hand through his hair. “Marley, you’re the last girl I kissed. I mean, I’m not saying I didn’t kiss other girls before I met you, but there hasn’t been anyone since you.”
“But you’reyou. How?” I ask, stumbling over my words because JJ has set the standard to another level when it comes toif he wanted to, he would.
“What does beingmehave to do with anything?” he asks, an edge to his voice.
Oh shit, that is so not how I meant it.
JJ sits up and I follow suit. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant because—well, honestly, you’re the type of hot guy most girls wouldn’t even try to hide taking a picture of to send to their friends. You’re kind, charismatic, and a football player—” I scramble to explain, but JJ cuts me off.
“So because I’m hot and play football, it means I’m a man-whore who can’t keep it in his pants like Trent?”Oh my god, he looks so hurt right now.
“JJ—” I try to interrupt.
“Look, I don’t care if you were with other people. Trust me, I’m aware of how slim the odds were of us running into each other again, but having sex with someone means something to me. I didn’t want to be with just anyone—I wanted to be with you.” JJ exhales sharply, looking away from me.How could this have gone so wrong so quickly?
I reach for his hand, holding it tightly to keep JJ from pulling away entirely. “Amore mio17, I’m sorry,” I say, silently begging him to look at me. “It came out wrong. If anything, I feel bad for not waiting for you too. I wish I had because it’s not a bad thing, and I’m truly sorry if I made you feel like it was. I know you’re not Trent. It just caught me by surprise.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad for anything, but it was more than just waiting for you. I never felt anything remotely close to the connection we had, and it never felt right,” JJ admits, turning his head to fix his soft gaze on me. I just did to JJ what I’ve always hated people doing to me. I assumed because of his sport, appearance, and easy-to-love personality he was a certain way, when the reality couldn’t be further from it.
Fuck, I really messed up.
I wrap my arms tightly around him. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean it that way at all.” I only feel slightly better when his arms immediately wrap around me, instead of pushing me away.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I know, I just . . .” he trails off, pressing a kiss to the side of my head as I bury my head in his shirt.
“I hurt your feelings,” I say, knowing for a fact I did. If the roles were reversed and JJ had said that to me, I’d be crushed.
JJ takes a deep breath, and I feel his chest expand. “I’m not going to lie, it stings hearing you say it, even if I know it’s because I caught you off guard. So, maybe this one is on me because it should’ve been a conversation we had before now.”
I just can’t get over how unbelievable JJ is. He saved that part of him for me or for himself—either way, it doesn’t really matter. His hand strokes my back soothingly, and I know this is exactly where I’m meant to be.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever said I love you to,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I inhale the crisp smell of his laundry detergent, the same smell I could breathe in forever.
“Not even to Trent?” he asks a moment later, a vulnerable wobble to his deep voice.
