Page 80 of Before You
“C’mon, Ash. Is this supposed to be a joke?”
He doesn’t smile back at me. “JJ, what the fuck are you on? You’ve been popping pills for months, and I don’t exactly believe you’re suffering from chronic headaches all of a sudden like you’ve been claiming. I saw your leg twist earlier when you went down. You should at the very least have a limp right now, but you’re somehow perfectlyfine.”
“I took Tylenol,” I say, lying through my fucking teeth.
Asher scratches the back of his neck, shaking his head. “For fuck’s sake, don’t lie to me. I saw you take something in the locker room, and I talked to Charlie. She told me how messed up you were at that party because it scared the shit out of her, and she wanted to know if it had happened before. What are you taking?” The words hang in the air like a guillotine, ready to hand me my death sentence. “Don’t make me go to Coach,” he whispers.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I will if you don’t tell me the truth.”
I drag a hand through my hair, still damp from my shower in the locker room. “Oxy,” I mumble, nearly choking on the truth. “I don’t take them very often. It’s just what I have left over from my surgery.”Lies.I’ve lost track of how many refills I’ve managed to secure. At some point they’ll probably stop writingthe prescriptions, but as long as I say the right things and I have cash, I haven’t had a problem yet.
“Do you think I’m stupid? Your surgery was last December.” Asher’s eyes widen after realizing what he’s said, and white hotshamefloods every fiber of my being as his face softens. “JJ, have you really been taking that shit since December?”
“I . . . I can stop,” I whisper, feeling pathetic even trying to claim I can, because if I could, wouldn’t I have stopped already?
“Can you?” he asks, and I never wanted to know what it felt like to have someone look at me the way my best friend’s looking at me now.
“You’re not . . . you aren’t going to tell anyone, right?”
“You should tell your family. They can get you help,” he says, but I shake my head.
“No. I’m done. I’ll get rid of them. Please, Asher, I can’t tell them. Not with Bailey still gone,” I say, the panic rising in me at the thought of them knowing how not okay I am. “Please,” I beg, and he stares at me for a moment with an unreadable expression before slowly nodding.
“You’ll get rid of them?”
“I’ll get rid of them,” I promise, but I can tell he’s hesitant to agree.
“All of them,” he says, leaving no room for argument.
“All of them,” I agree, knowing time is running out on how long my family will wait before coming to find where we are. I’d rather they not find us in the middle of this conversation.
“I don’t like this,” he says, and I take a shallow breath.
“That makes two of us.”
~
My family and Marley relaxed once they saw I was perfectly fine, and I hate how my brain immediately used it to justify taking the pills.
Not even swimming in the pool at the house my parents rented for the weekend has helped me relax, but it’s probably because I haven’t been able to look away from Marley in her lilac bikini. It’s about the only thing distracting me from the conversation with Asher after the game. The water doesn’t sing to me the same way it does to Mira and Hunter, but it’s a soothing familiarity helping to ease some of the anxiety in my chest.
Dad is grilling as Hunter and Asher take turns jumping off the diving board to see who can make the bigger splash. Henry’s supposedly judging, but I’m not sure he’s actually paying attention because the last few jumps have all been a five out of ten.
Marley is sitting in the water on the stairs with my mom and Mirabelle talking about Mira’s ideas for the wedding. I think it’s hilarious to even ask if she has any ideas considering she’s been planning her wedding to Henry since kindergarten, but it’s whatever.
I’ve noticed Asher keeping an eye on me, but he’s been subtle enough about it that no one else has noticed, or at least, no one’s said anything.
“Four,” Henry says, his tone flat as he takes a sip of his beer, and Hunter glares at him.
“It was bigger than the last one,” Hunter argues as Asher grins.
“I can make it a three if you want me to re-evaluate my score?” Henry counters, and Hunter swims to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out without further complaint. “Why the hell did they ask me to judge this?” he grumbles, shaking his head.
“No idea. I’m just glad they didn’t ask me,” I say, laughing as my attention is pulled back to the brunette with ocean eyes and a smile brighter than the sun.
“You doing okay?” Henry asks, his voice quiet as water sprays the side of my face from Asher jumping in.
