Page 97 of Before You
“I’m wiped. This feels like the longest week ever.”
“Right? I’m so ready for a week at home. Kaden texted a little bit ago to ask what day we’re flying back. I should tell him Saturday, right?” Bria asks, pulling her hair back into a messy bun. I got the same text, but I haven’t responded yet.
“I think that’s what my dad said at least.”
I wish I was excited to go back to New York, but I’m not. I told my dad I wanted to dip my toe in the water, so I asked if I could go to work with him for a few days. It took some convincing, but I figured if I’m already going to be home, why not start getting used to what lies ahead for me?
“So where did Ash and JJ go? I’m surprised you’re not with them,” Bria says.
I flop down on the couch, staring at the ceiling as my head spins, trying to put the pieces together still. “I’m not sure where they went. JJ isn’t responding.”
Where would they have gone?
“Is everything okay?” she asks, hesitating, which is so unlike Bria, it only further confirms my suspicion everything is not okay.
“I don’t know,” I admit, wishing I knew the right questions to ask so I did know.
I’m not sure I know anything at all anymore.
~
Bria left a little bit ago to stay the night at the guys’ house, and I finally heard back from JJ. He asked if he could come over so we could talk, which has only made me spiral while I wait because I don’t know what to expect.
There’s a knock on the front door, and I spring to my feet, moving quickly to flip the lock and open the door before he can disappear again.
JJ’s standing there, his hands in his pockets, looking as worn as I feel. “I think I’ll have to thank your dad for getting this automatic lock,” he says, trying to joke, but there’s nothing funny about the blatant fear lurking in his eyes.
“I’ll let him know you like it,” I say, stepping back to let him in, the questions I’ve come up with over the past few hours running through my mind at lightning speed.
I sit down on the couch, but JJ doesn’t sit next to me, instead choosing to hover before sitting on the other end of the couch, out of reach.What is JJ so afraid of? Was I right to spiral?
JJ stares at his hands, and I shift, restless from the silent tension in the air. I tug at my necklace, twisting the diamond pendant between my fingers.
“Amore mio, you’re making me nervous,” I say, and he turns to look at me, revealing the unshed tears shining in his eyes. “Hey, whatever it is, I-I’m sure it’s fine,” I stammer, and he exhales, shaking his head.
“You’re going to hate me, and I’m selfishly not ready for the way you look at me to change.”
How could he ever think I’d hate him?
“JJ—”
“Sweetheart, I love you. I’ll understand if you don’t believe anything I’ve said to you after I tell you, but you have to know I’ve never lied about my feelings for you. I’ve loved you since before all of this,” he says, faltering as he wipes his eyes. “And I can only hope you’ll let me love you after. I’m sorry, Marley. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I want to move closer to him, hold his hand to reassure him there’s nothing he could say to change that, but JJ obviously sat on the other end of the couch for a reason. I feel my own tears pool and I wait for JJ to continue, and it slips into my mind these may be our last moments before everything changes.
JJ’s gaze returns to his hands. “I went to a meeting earlier. I just listened, but they were talking about the steps, the first one is admitting you’re powerless. I am, and I hate that I am. I wish I was better and stronger, but I’m just . . . I’m not.”
Why does this sound familiar?
“Meeting?” I ask, the question slipping out of my mouth before I can stop it.
His hands brace on the back of his neck as his large frame coils with tension. “For addicts.”
“But you’re not an addict?”
“Except I am.”
“What?”
