Page 48 of Murder & Mayhem
My fingers curled around the bottom of it. “Can I take this off?” I asked again.
“Yes.” He rolled his eyes, but the hitch in his voice made me glad I’d asked.
“Brat,” I teased fondly before I pulled it over his head, leaving him in the oversized T-shirt underneath. I made a mental note to get him new clothes. I liked seeing him in mine, but he deserved his own things, and I had no idea when he’d be able to get back to his apartment. Besides, based on what I’d seen him wearing, I had a feeling he didn’t have much.
“What about this?” I asked about the shirt.
“Yes. I need to feel you, Nicky.”
I took the shirt off. When it came to his jeans, I remembered he wasn’t wearing any underwear. “I can get you shorts.” But Jamie shook his head.
“Later maybe? When we go back out there. But as long as it’s okay that we just cuddle, I don’t want any clothes between us. I’m sorry. I know I’m sending mixed signals, and I wanna see your dick again, but?—”
I laid a finger over his lips, shutting him up. The glare he was giving me, I was glad he didn’t bite the thing off.
“No apologizing. There were no mixed signals. You made me no fucking promises, and even if you did, you have the right to change your mind. Always. Every damn time. It doesn’t matter if your partner is hard, or you’re naked, or you’re mid fucking blow job. It allstops on a dime.”
Jamie shifted away from me, burrowing himself in my comforter. “I really want to believe you.” He sounded miserable. That he was doubting me, that he was terrified I wouldn’t live up to my talk.
“I know, sweetheart. That’s okay if you don’t yet. I’ll keep proving it to you.”
My heart broke not only for him, but he reminded me so much of my brothers and me when we’d first run from our foster parents. So, it also ached for the kids we’d been. The struggles we’d gone through to get here, that Jamie was still going through. Then, that pain turned to anger because how many kids had to be hurt before the world changed and the people who deserved to be protected were.
The desire was still there. I had gone partially soft now, but I still wanted Jamie. Not to fuck him, not like the boys I had at the club. I wanted to hold him, to take away his pain, to keep him safe in my arms and show him that the world didn’t always have to be cruel. I wanted to show him love and security and everything he’d never had.
Jamie rewarded me with a small smile. It didn’t go all the way to his eyes, but it was genuine, so I would take it. It became a personal goal to get Jamie to smile. If I could erase even a little bit of that sadness in those eyes of his, I’d consider my life complete.
Once his pants were off, I took a moment to show him how much he deserved to be worshipped. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so I stayed away from his cock and ass, but ran my hands up and down his sides, his chest, his stomach, caressing his skin and hopefully making him feel good.
“So fucking beautiful,” I whispered. Jamie rolled his eyes and tried to look away. I pinched his chin, bringing his head forward and pressing my forehead against his before he could move.
“I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.”
“You’re gonna be real tired of talking.”
I laughed. “Challenge accepted, brat. Why don’t you get under the covers? I don’t want you to get cold while I undress.”
Jamie dove under the sheets.
“You’ve got the best fucking blankets,” Jamie muttered, burying his face into the fabric. Was it possible to be jealous of a bedspread? Because I fucking was.
“I’ll get you some.” It was a dumb response, one that implied more for us but also that I wanted Jamie to stay somewhere other than my own bed. Which I didn’t. I was also reasonable enough to understand that this wasn’t a forever thing. Even if after we got Bailey, we tried to make a relationship work, we needed to take a step back. Make things healthy or some shit. Either way, I shouldn’t be offering to buy him bedding or thinking about getting him new clothes, or how he seemed to really like the fleece socks I’d traded out for his worn ones with holes this morning.
Jamie was watching me curiously, his expression complicated. Thankfully, he didn’t call me out on my slipup. He upnodded toward my clothes. “I don’t like being the only one naked, Nicky. It reminds me of things.”
Was it bad I loved hearing the way he said Nicky, even when I didn’t like the rest of what he said?
“Sorry.” I removed the rest of my clothes. Soon, I was as naked as Jamie. My dick hadn’t gotten the memo that plans had changed, so it was getting hard again with a naked Jamie rolling around in my sheets. He eyed it a little warily.
“I can’t control how my body reacts, sweetheart, but I swear to you I won’t act on it. I can put underwear on if it makes you more comfortable.”
Jamie chewed on his lip but didn’t answer. He seemed to be warring with himself.
“I won’t be upset either way,” I reminded him. Really, my only goal was to get under the blankets at this point. It was cold out here.
Jamie shrugged and buried his face in the mattress and yelled. Taking his frustration as a sign, I went and grabbed some boxer briefs from the dresser. I didn’t love wearing them, but I still owned them and kept them at all the houses. I was glad for it now. Before getting into bed, I grabbed another pair. They’d be too big, but I remembered what he’d said about being naked when the other person was dressed. I wasn’t sure if boxers counted, but I wanted to offer. He needed to understand he always had a choice.
I put mine on and climbed into the bed. My breath whooshed out in surprise when Jamie immediately turned to me, his face in my chest and his arms wrapping around my middle.
