Page 42 of The Mage's Rake
Why had I been looking for him? I didn’t know. I just had to find him. It was important. I had something to say—what was it?
“How silly,” Alan laughed. “I was here all the time.”
When my hand touched his, however, Alan’s body seemed to dissolve into a thousand petals, blown away by the wind. With a startled yelp, I jolted upright out. Shaken and now thoroughly awake, I glanced around the room. Through the cracks in the shutter, early morning light crept in. How early? There was no telling. I was not about to fling open the window to find out.
One thing was clear, though. Alan’s side of the bed was now cool. He’d been gone a while. My eyes noticed the traces of a hurried, secretive dressing. Through the half-open door to his sitting room-cum-greenhouse, I glimpsed the barest embers of a fire burning in the grate. Straining my ears forward, I attempted to get any hint of sound from the next room.
No sound of movement. Alan was truly gone. I frowned, disliking the tension that began to build up within me.Where had he gone? Why wasn’t he here?As usual, Alan had defied all expectations and fled our bed. This was becoming a habit.A bad one, I decided.But where had he gone?I mused over the possibilities as I quickly dressed.
Together. Alan had said that, but the latent tension within his shoulders and hand had betrayed… had betrayed something. Something that had always lingered in his gaze when he thought I hadn’t noticed—pain and sadness and worry. It was the curse. It weighed heavily on him. Ever since that day… that night when he had danced for me. The faint heartbeat beneath my fingertips.
It didn’t work. That’s what he’d said at first. That and nothing more. What Alan had experienced when he’d fallen unconscious, he never shared. I respected his privacy, and I had told myself that it was a momentary faintness…But what if it wasn’t?For a second, I relived the moment. The grim look that had crossed Aileen’s face. Perhaps there was more to Alan’s unconscious state.
Aileen would have the answers. I had a feeling she would know what Alan was up to. I trusted Alan. I had to trust him, but at the same time, whatever I faced, he had stood by my side. I was not about to leave him.
Chapter 18
Alan
“Idon’t like this.”
Aileen wasn’t happy. From the way she stood by the fire, arms folded and blue eyes glaring at me, I could tell that the healer was far from happy. Not that I was in the highest of spirits either.
Waking at the crack of dawn to crawl out of a warm bed and brave the chilly elements was far from ideal, even if it was in service of saving the one I loved. I hated the fact that I didn’t tell Hugh the truth, that I would be attempting this on my own. If I allowed myself a moment’s pause, I would have to admit to myself that I was doubtful… that I was hesitant, even frightened. Still, I refused to allow wallow and focused on the task at hand. I was not about to lose my nerve, regardless of my sense of foreboding—or Aileen’s.
When I had entered Aileen’s outer room, I had hoped she was still sleeping, but I had found the elder molly wide awake. Some small accident with one of the Munni guards, apparently.Everyone was in high alert after the attack on Landis, and another scuffle with ruffians by one of the city guards had left a guard with stitches. Aileen wasn’t in the best of moods, therefore, and neither was I. We gazed at each other warily across the small room as I packed the few supplies I required alongside everything else I had prepared earlier.
“I am aware,” I said as I ruffled through her stores of potions to grab a few warming tinctures.
“Even Seeresses would have a second think afore attempting a summoning.”
“I know.”
“Fuddy-duddies in the Tower have no idea of what’s what, I tell you,” Aileen continued. “Earth magic is best left for the few who have the connection.”
“Even so…” My fingers hesitated on the clasp of my satchel as I looked up to meet her concerned gaze. “I have to do this, Aileen. For him.”
“For him? Or for you?”
I winced and shook my head.
“I can’t just sit back. Nyria assured me, but… I need to do this. Just in case.”
“You should trust the goddess, Alan. She’d know what’s what.”
“I tried. I just… I just can’t,” I admitted. “It’s eating away at me, Aileen. I can’t rest a single day longer while Hugh’s life force dwindles away.”
“Dwindles…” Aileen snorted, but even she paused thoughtfully.
Like me, she could see the dimming of Hugh’s energy. At this rate, the life light of Hugh would be snuffed out entirely. That would be the day I would lose my lover to Ziran, the God of Death. I was not about to let that happen. If that meant that I had to reach out to the primordial power of the cosmos, so beit. At the very least, I might gain another audience with Nyria. I wasn’t afraid.
But I was. Perhaps that was what Aileen sensed. We both knew that what I would attempt had its risks. Those who failed to channel the powers of the gods successfully would end up burned-out husks, senseless and devoid of reason at best, dead at worst. The few who successfully pulled themselves away from the brink of madness achieved great things, but the cost of failure could only counterbalance the power gained.
“And you’ll do it at the Standing Stones?” she asked.
I nodded as I pulled my second cloak about me and began to pin the hood up.
“Yes. It’s not so far off,” I said, “and it has the strongest link. If anyone were to succeed, it would be there.”
