Page 45 of The Lovers
“Want some company? I have the morning off,” Gabe suggested eagerly, his earlier pique forgotten. Gabe liked nothing more than doing research, especially if it culminated in a nice pub lunch.
Quinn actually cringed before answering. “Rhys is coming with me. He didn’t think I should be wandering about on my own after being hit on the head.”
“Right,” Gabe growled. “I guess I’ll see you when I see you.” And with that, he hung up.
Quinn replaced the phone on the bedside table and returned to the living room. Her earlier good mood had dissipated, leaving her tense and upset. A part of her wished that Gabe was coming with her tomorrow so that they could recapture their easy camaraderie and delve into this project together as they had so often done in the past, but a part of her was annoyed with his attitude. He had no right to be angry, nor did he have any cause to feel threatened by Rhys Morgan.
Rhys’s canelés still sat on the table, their aroma enticing Quinn to eat one. She was normally very strict about what she ate,but she felt she deserved a treat to lift her spirits. She reached for a canelé and took a bite, savoring it. She couldn’t help smiling at the thought of Rhys baking these for her. He really was something of an enigma.
THIRTY
MAY 1665
London, England
“Wakey, wakey,” Lucy sang as she drew apart the bed hangings and flooded the previously dark space with bright spring sunshine. Lucy looked annoyingly chipper, which made Elise want to bury her head beneath the blankets and stay that way until the girl went away.
“I ain’t leaving till ye get out of bed, wash, dress, and come down to break yer fast,” Lucy said, her tone bossy.
Elise didn’t bother to argue. It was pointless. Lucy wouldn’t go away. She would just stand there, talking to her, until Elise was unable to go back to sleep, as she longed to do. The past few months had seen a change in her. A deep melancholy had taken hold, shackling Elise to her disappointment and grief. Lucy thought it was the pregnancy that was making Elise so tired and listless, but Elise didn’t believe it was. What she felt was utter despair. She had no reason to get out of bed. What was the point of planning meals that no one would eat, or dressing in gowns no one would see?
Elise spent her days in near solitude, her only company being the servants and Barbara, who hardly spoke and gazed off into the distance with a half smile on her face, as if there was something beautiful just beyond the window that no one but she could see. Elise had tried to engage Barbara in conversation and cajoled her to take walks in the garden from time to time, but Barbara, although compliant, never left the confines of her ownworld, leaving Elise as miserably alone in hers as ever. Elise hardly saw Edward these days, but it didn’t matter. They lived separate lives, and now that she was with child, he hardly noticed her, other than to ask after her health. She always told him that she was well, which effectively put an end to the conversation. And she was well, physically. It was her heart that needed healing.
Gavin was gone. Her family was gone. And even James was gone. Elise discovered that she missed him. James hadn’t been much of a talker, but she missed his touch. He had been the only person to show her physical affection, but now even that was over. She supposed they’d developed a certain unspoken bond during the months before she conceived. He never spoke to her of his feelings or thoughts, but their lovemaking had changed over time. It had become tender, and more pleasurable for them both, although neither of them would ever admit to it. Elise found that she missed the feel of him inside her and the weight of his body as he lay on top of her and gazed into her eyes. He never uttered any words of love, but she could see in the depth of those gray eyes that he wasn’t indifferent to her. They’d grown fond of each other without ever saying a word. And the secret of Harry’s final resting place was something that they now shared, something that bound them in a conspiracy of silence.
Elise reluctantly sat at the dressing table and closed her eyes, refusing to meet her own scornful gaze in the mirror. She couldn’t bear to see her reflection; she didn’t recognize the person staring back. Her hair was tangled from tossing and turning during the night, but Lucy did her best not to hurt her as she pulled the brush through the thick mane and dressed it for the day, forgoing the elaborate hairstyles favored by the ladies of the court and just winding the hair into a bun at the back of Elise’s head with a few playful curls left to frame her face. The simple style made Elise look more mature, like a married lady soon to be a mother ratherthan the girl she’d been only a few months prior. It was fitting. That girl was gone.
Elise placed her right palm against her belly, as she did every morning. She was hardly showing, but there was a tiny bump beneath her nightdress—just a slight swelling, almost as if she’d eaten too much. It was difficult to imagine that a human being was growing inside her. She didn’t feel anything, not even the sickness that other women complained of in the early stages of pregnancy. Her mother had been terribly unwell when pregnant with Anne, retching into a bucket every morning, and, at times, well into the afternoon. But Elise felt like her usual self. Her breasts were a bit tender, and she got terribly hungry between meals, but otherwise, she felt no change.What if it had all been a mistake, and I’m not pregnant after all?she wondered. But she hadn’t had her courses in three months now, so it had to be true.
Elise sighed. She tried not to dwell on her hurt, but every morning the misery assaulted her afresh. She’d put her trust in the men in her life, and they had all betrayed her. Her father sold her in marriage and left the country, Gavin had sworn his love then married another, and James had abandoned her to her fate. Did he not care about the child she carried? He might have done his father’s bidding, but somewhere deep inside he had to have some feelings about the coming babe. It was his, after all. He’d been gone since the very day she discovered she was pregnant, and there had been complete silence since.
“How about the green gown today?” Lucy asked once she finished coifing Elise’s hair. “Ye look ever so lovely in that shade. Shall I fetch it for ye?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Elise sighed. “I’ll wear whatever gown you choose, Lucy.”
“Come now. Ye must take care. A lady should always look her best.”
“For whom?” Elise demanded. “There’s no one here.”
“Still, ye must do it for yerself. How about a walk in the garden after breakfast? That’ll lift your spirits, I wager. ’Tis a beautiful morning, and mayhap Lady Barbara will join ye. She likes looking at the flowers.”
“All right,” Elise conceded. A walk did sound good. It was a beautiful, sunny day outside, and the prospect of getting out of this tomb of a house was suddenly very appealing.
“Ah, there ye go,” Lucy cackled. “I see a ghost of a smile. I know I do. Just let me finish my chores, and I’ll come with ye. His lordship said ye’re not to go out alone.”
“What, even to the garden?” Elise gasped. Did he know that she used the garden gate to slip out when she went to Southwark, or was he afraid that, given half a chance, she’d throw herself into the river?He probably wouldn’t care if I did, as long as I gave birth to a son first, Elise thought bitterly.
“Now, now,” Lucy chided as she watched Elise’s expression in the looking glass. “No feeling sorry for yerself. Ye are young, beautiful, and wealthy. Life won’t always be like this. Ye’ll see. Things have a way of changing when ye least expect them, they do,” she added wisely. “Me mam always said that the good Lord loves us the most when we are at our lowest.”
Elise threw Lucy an amused look. “I must have a ways to go yet since the good Lord seems to take no interest in me.”
“Don’t blaspheme, me lady. The good Lord knows all, and he won’t let ye down.”
Elise chose not to point out that the good Lord let down countless people every single day. He wasn’t there for the women who died in childbirth, the children who died before reaching adulthood. Nor was he there for the countless men who died onbattlefields or the streets of the city from disease, hunger, or work accidents. And he certainly wasn’t there for her.
Elise allowed Lucy to finish dressing her and made her way downstairs, where she ate a solitary breakfast of buttered bread and ale. She barely tasted what she ate. She had no desire for food this morning, but the babe was hungry, so she had to eat.
THIRTY-ONE
