Page 29 of Bleeding Hearts
“How?” I murmur.
“I thought of you,” she replies without hesitation. “Of the way you held me that night in the darkness. Whenever I’m scared, I always think of you.”
“Why?” I ask, my voice growing stronger now.
“Because your strength astounds me. There is no one stronger than you, and thinking of you makes me feel brave. Iwant to make you proud of me, so I try harder,” she admits, brushing my cheek. “Are you okay?”
I nod, closing my eyes and allowing myself to soak in her warmth for a moment when I know I shouldn’t. It will give her the wrong idea, but I need it right now.
I don’t know how long we stand here before other names are announced.
We break apart, turning to the next batch of people. Her hand grabs mine, our fingers twining together, and I glance at her. I shouldn’t. I should let go, but right now, I need her strength. She’s wrong. I’m not strong or brave. I’m just stubborn.
She smiles at me sadly and tugs me away from the coffins and back into the crowd.
I let her. I would follow her anywhere if I could.
When the next batch of screams begins, I can’t do it. I let go of her hand and step back. “I’m going to wait in a truck.” I head over to them and climb into the back of one, pressing my face to my knees as I try to block out the screams. Hands cover my ears, and I lift my head to see her kneeling before me.
For a moment, I see her as she was that night, huddled before me with my arms sheltering her. Now her arms shelter me in the dark, and I lean forward and bury my face against her chest, letting her block it all out.
“I’m so fucked up, Alice. I shouldn’t let you comfort me. I know I’ll hurt you again tomorrow, but I’m selfish, and I can’t let go,” I mumble.
“Then be selfish, I’ll let you,” she murmurs as she forces my head up. “Hurt me all you want. I don’t care. I’ll be right here every time you need to be weak. I can take your hatred, babe, so pour it into me. Give it to me.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to hurt you in any way. This is my shit to deal with.” I smack my chest. “I’m the fucked up one. Don’t you see that? You deserve better.”
“I get to choose what I deserve, and I choose you. I’ll keep saying it until you believe it. You’re not fucked up, Lally. You’ve been through a lot. You’re a survivor, and with that comes wounds. Some of yours are still bleeding, that’s all.”
“Why do you keep coming back to me after everything I do to you?” I murmur as I search her beautiful eyes.
“Because I know you’re worth it. Lally, whether you want me to or not, I care for you. You made me love you, you made me care, and now I’m not going anywhere,” she replies, her voice strong and confident.
I can’t give her the words she needs. I would have been able to before, but not now, so instead, I give her the only part of me I can.
My lips press to hers in a brutal kiss, and I swallow her gasp of surprise. I slide my hands into her hair, yanking her head back and to the side so I can deepen the kiss. She doesn’t protest, tugging me closer as she whimpers, matching my wild pace. Her nails dig into my arms, the slight sting making me groan as I suck on her tongue and drag her closer.
Sliding my hands down her body, I grip her hips and lift her up. She gasps into my mouth as she straddles my lap. Gripping her tight ass, I pull her so she’s pressed against me. Her hands slide down my arms and sides, replacing the feel of the ticklish spider legs as she pulls back. Her eyelids flutter open as I bite her bottom lip and soothe it with my tongue before kissing her chin. I slide my hands between us and grip her breast over her shirt, squeezing as the other holds her ass.
“I want to touch you,” she whispers breathlessly, her bottom lip catching on my chin as I kiss down her neck. “Please, Lally,let me touch you. If tonight is all I get, then let me touch you. Let me remember it forever.”
I bite her neck and let her cry echo around the empty space, the screams from the crowd covering it as I leave my mark and then kiss her hard before I lean back on the bench seat, watching her.
Her cheeks are flushed with desire, and her hands fist my shirt as she rocks on my lap, grinding against my thigh to get off.
“You want to touch me?” I ask slowly.
She nods.
I shouldn’t. Letting her touch me is different than me taking what I want from her. It’s easy to maintain distance when I’m in control and it’s only her pleasure on the line. If I let her touch me, it will make things messy, but the idea . . .
My pussy clenches in want, my clit throbbing in time with my heart as I imagine those pretty, innocent eyes on mine as I force her to pleasure me.
Shit.
It’s fucked up.
We should be getting out of here, but in the darkness, I finally let go of my control and take what I want. She can make me forget for a little while. It won’t change anything.
