Page 59 of Nothing Compares to the Duke
“The usual reason.” That’s what she wanted? For him to confess he was a libido-driven wretch? All of London knew that. He could provide her with a dozen scandal rags from the past months that documented his exploits.
“I don’t know what that means.” She truly looked confused, and he realized this wasn’t just a ploy to force him to humiliate himself and relive his misdeed. In true Bella fashion, she wanted to understand how he worked. If he was a clock, she’d take him apart to figure out what made him tick.
“I think you know what it means.” Rhys circled around her so she was sheltered from the view of anyone who might be taking a stroll through the gardens.
She backed up until the bench was pressed against her legs. “You mean desire.”
“No.” He had not truly desired that lovely widow. Desire was deeper. A longing for someone. Not just wanting their body but their nearness, to hear their voice and smell their scent in the air. “Merely indulgence. Giving in to an urge.”
“You wanted to...” Bella swallowed hard. “...bed her.”
“I responded to an impulse.”
“Without any thought or consideration of what you being there meant to me?”
“None at all. I was selfish.” He wouldn’t defend himself, but he also didn’t bother adding that he was still selfish most of the time. It was something he needed to change. Her selfless desire to make her family happy was an example he wished to follow with Meg. “I was cruel.”
“You were never cruel.”
Rhys laughed. “Still defending me, I see. You are aware that’s not allowed. It breaks one of our rules.”
“It doesn’t. The rule implied defending you to someone else and we’re alone.”
“We are.” Rhys moved a step closer.
He heard her breath catch.
“Will you ever trust me again?” The words came out less as a question than a plea. Of all the commodities he’d traded, all the inventions he’d invested in, nothing was more precious than winning back her faith in him.
He took her hand and held it lightly. Then he pressed her palm flat against his body, much as it had been when she’d arched above him in the study.
Before she could answer, he added, “I’d change it if I could. There’s nothing I’d like more.”
She paused, taking a moment to consider her reply. “Emotions are inconvenient at times, and we can’t always control what we feel.”
It wasn’t an answer and he sensed she wasn’t just referring to his stupidity years ago.
“Like yesterday?”
“Yes.” She spoke the word like a confession, laced with guilt and a touch of embarrassment.
Rhys couldn’t bear her feeling either. But he also wanted to know, needed to know, why she’d done it. “Just an impulse? Or was it more?”
“More?”
He took a step closer and told himself not to give in tohisimpulse to put his arms around her. Those rulesof theirs were going out the window quickly, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Impulse or desire?” he asked softly.
Bella’s hesitation to answer made him wish he hadn’t pushed her. Her answer mattered to him a great deal, and yet he had no right to what he wanted.
“How would you define each?”
“Impulse is simple. Shallow. Fleeting.”
She ducked her head and took a deep breath. “And desire?”
Reaching up, he laid a finger against her daisy pendant. The metal was warm from the heat of her skin and he almost envied the circle of gold. He slid his finger under her chin.
