Page 53 of Earl for the Summer
“I’m so sorry, Cassian.” Daphne wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head against his neck, kissing the spot where his pulse beat hard. “None of you should have suffered such cruelty.”
“He told me once that his father was the same. That terrified me. It was as if he was condemning me to be the same too.”
“But you’re not and never will be.”
Turning his head, he kissed her, then cupped her face between his palms.
“I am torn.” His voice emerged husky and low. “Between wanting protect you from my shadows and…”
“And?” Daphne prompted when he fell silent again.
Cassian caressed her face. “Believing that I could make a life without them.”
“Wecould make that life.” Daphne clasped one of his hands and then drew it down to hold between her own. “You need not do it alone.” Suddenly nervous, she added, “But you have a decision to make, Cassian.”
He smiled and lifted their joined hands to kiss the top of hers. “You make me more hopeful than I have any right to be.”
“You have a right to be hopeful, to love and be loved,” she whispered. Swallowing hard to steel her courage, she admitted, “You have a piece of my heart, Cassian, and I’d gladly give you all of it, but I have to know you’re as certain as I am. Because if you walk away again?—”
“Daphne—”
“No, we must be honest now. No pretense. I want us to share our hopes and our fears. And my fear is that I could so easily give myself to you in every way, and yet you would still hold something back. Or worse, give into your fears and walk away. That would break me.” She looked into his eyes and saw the storm of emotions he was battling. “I know I can’t decide forboth of us. I want you so very much. Now you must decide what you want.”
For a long stretch, they sat silently together. She could feel him battling, and she prayed he’d choose hope rather than fear. But she sensed he needed time.
So she kissed his cheek, released his hand, stood, and made her way toward the study door. All the way, it felt as if a thread connecting them was drawing taut, pinching at the center of her chest. But she knew that they must be of a like mind in this.
She could wait for him to decide, but she could never again give her heart to a man who she could not trust to love as thoroughly in return.
CHAPTER 12
Cassian woke before dawn the next morning after a sleepless night.
In his mind, he replayed the moment when Daphne walked away and the ache of it was as sharp every time. Yet he admired her for it. She did not plead or persuade. The most lovely, loyal, spirited woman he’d ever met had offered him her heart, and all he had to do was give her his own, and she’d be his. She’d said as much.
And yet here he was rushing across the field beyond Hillcrest like a man trying to outrun his demons.
He’d once doubted he had a heart or was capable of tender emotions. Daphne had proved to him that he did, for the damned blood-pumping organ had never troubled him as it had since the day he’d collided with her.
Under his father’s fists, he’d taught himself to be hard. Yet even then, he’d loved his mother. He’d adored his brother. He’d treasured Bartlett, who’d shown him that men could be strict, yet also cool-headed and kind.
Perhaps there had been some tenderness in him, despite their father. But did that mean he could deserve the love of a lady like Daphne? God, he wanted to try.
Somewhere in the grassy acreage abutting the manor, he slowed his strides. Then he heard the quick, steady beat of horse hooves and turned to look behind him. In the distance, a man approached, galloping straight toward him.
As the rider grew closer, he recognized the Duke of Edgerton and one of the horses from Hillcrest’s stable.
Edgerton slowed the horse as he grew nearer, then dismounted quickly, his brow bent, expression fierce. “A word, Captain?” he said as he approached, the horse’s reins clutched in one gloved hand.
“Of course.” Unless Cassian wanted to make a run for it, there was no avoiding the man as they were alone and miles from Hillcrest, but for a few grazing sheep.
“I think you must have some notion as to why I’ve run you to ground.”
Cassian nodded. “I do, Your Grace.”
“I didn’t quite understand why your brother invited us to Berkshire. In fact, I had no wish to accept the invitation, but my wife, clever as she is, knew immediately what your brother had in mind.” Edgerton took his measure, scraping a look across the unshaven, wind-tossed, rumpled state of him. “Windham seems keen on playing matchmaker.”
“That I did not ask for,” Cassian told him. “Indeed, I didn’t know you were coming until you’d arrived.”
