Page 33 of Unforgiving Queen
I watched in amazement as Papà’s expression hardened, and I knew our conversation was over. I wouldn’t get anything else out of him.
“Her death was a tragedy. Nothing more; nothing less.” The urge to push flared up. Our family would forever remain broken if nobody gave us the truth. “Now back to the arranged marriage—”
I shot to my feet and cut him off. “If it protects Phoenix, I’ll do it. But I want to have a say in it. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
After all, love was no longer a card in my deck, so did it really matter who I married?
12
REINA
New Year's Eve.
Five days later, Grandma’s and Papà’s words seemed like a distant memory, but they lingered in the corners of my mind.
They must have left a bigger impression on me than I was willing to admit because when Phoenix and the girls decided to head out to a party, my skin got clammy and my breathing heavier. The spots swimming in my vision was my final confirmation.
I had to lock myself in our apartment bathroom and resort to breathing exercises and meditation until I pulled myself out of it.
“Reina, are you okay?” Isla’s voice came through the closed door.
I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. The unwelcome anxiety had left me speechless. Literally. I found myself fighting the panic—inhaling a deep breath, holding, then slowly exhaling.
I promised Grandma I wouldn’t worry Phoenix. I promised Grandma I’d keep my shit together. I couldn’t blow it my first week back.
Breathe, Reina.
My eyes fell to the counter, searching for something to focus on. Anything. I yanked open a drawer and curled my fingers around a new razor blade. It was like I was watching myself peel back its plastic cover, detached from the present completely.
A part of me was horrified. The other part—the wrong part—craved the pain. I’d changed since Amon broke my heart. Slowly but surely. The darkness smothered me, craving pain to release this overwhelming ache inside me.
I slid onto the tiled floor, pulling up my loose pajama pants to my upper thighs, the scars staring back at me accusingly. I pressed the blade against my thigh until a drop of crimson appeared on my milky skin. Another push and I released a hiss at the blade’s sharp bite. The physical pain matched the one in my chest, until physical pain overwhelmed the one lingering inside. The pressure on my chest lifted, and my inhales came in easier with each flick of the blade.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I flinched.
“Reina, if you don’t answer, I swear I’m breaking down the door.”
I shot to my feet, flushed the toilet, then turned to the sink. “Give me a second.”
Rinsing off the blade, I opened a drawer and shoved the blade into the little compartment I hid them in. I wiped the blood from my thigh and found a Band-Aid in another drawer, then pulled the leg of my pajama pants down to cover it up.
“Reina, weallhave to get ready for the party,” Athena said softly. “We want to look good too.”
I opened the door and came face-to-face with the four of them.
“Are you okay?” Phoenix signed. “You’re worrying me.”
“I thought you were getting ready,” Raven grumbled. “You’ve been in here for an hour.”
Had I?My legs shook. The burning sting of my flesh was a fresh reminder of how fucked up I’d become. But despite it all, I forced a cheery smile onto my face. It was easier to hide behind it.
“Umm, I’m not going,” I said, stretching my arms up with a yawn. “I’m too tired.”
“But—”
