Page 114 of Thorns of Silence
It was now or never. I knew it was wrong, but there was no chance Sasha Nikolaev would have let me have her. Birth mother or not. Wrong or right.
Inhaling a deep breath, I made up my mind.
“I have to tell you something important.” She blinked, eyes still wide from the shock of the explosion, and I prayed my next words wouldn’t do more harm than good. “I’m your mommy.”
Her little mouth opened and closed. She lifted her hands and then lowered them again.
“Five years ago, I had a baby. I had you.”Anguish tore at my chest, cutting all my emotions down to one: fear of rejection. “You’re my baby, Skye. I’ve been searching all over for you.”
“You’re my mommy?”
I nodded, swallowing the growing lump in my throat. She still seemed skeptical.
“We have the same black hair. You look just like me when I was your age, sweetheart. Most importantly, we both lost our hearing for the same reason. I’m so sorry. I think you’re deaf because of me.”I didn’t bother stopping the tear that slid down my cheek.
“That’s okay. You didn’t mean to do it.”This child. My heart expanded. “Why are you packing?” she finally asked as I continued to shove clothes into my bag.
“I have to leave, and I want to take you with me, but only if you want to go.” I inhaled a steadying breath. “I love you. Do you want to come with me?”
One long moment. Two heartbeats. Three shuddering breaths.
She threw herself into my arms and I caught her, pressing her to my chest. Another lone tear rolled down my cheek and was soon followed by a flood of them. She lifted her head, my trembling lips finding her forehead.
“I want to come with you.”
My unsteady smile. Her shimmering eyes.
“Ready?” I asked her. She looked up at me with a serious expression that I couldn’t read and doubt crept into my mind. Was I making a mistake? I couldn’t even read my own daughter’s emotions. I immediately banished the self-doubt from my mind. “You’re safe,” I told her.
That much was true. If the Nikolaevs found us, she would be safe. I was the one they’d eliminate, but I couldn’t tell her that.
“Are you really my mommy?” It was as if she was scared she’d wake up and learn it was all a dream.
“I am.”
“Where were you?”
The question struck a nerve. Didn’t I ask Dante the same question? And suddenly I knew there’d never be a good enough answer. Not from me, and certainly not from him. Not for this little girl who had gone through four families and suffered loneliness I couldn’t even begin to fathom.
The mattress dipped under my weight as I sat on the bed and faced her.
“I was too scared,” I admitted. “My grandma claimed I was too young to be a mom, and she took you from me. I knew the right thing to do was to keep you with me though. I should have fought tooth and nail for you. I’m sorry I failed you.”
“But now you want me?” Her little voice cracked. No child should ever feel unwanted. The fact that it had happened to my own made my chest twist with pain and fury. I’d failed her, but I never would again.
“I’ve always wanted you.” I feared the unknown and our future. I was terrified about not getting things right, but for the first time in five years, I felt like something had gone right. “I’m finally brave enough to fight for it. For you. If you’ll let me.”
“What about Branka and Sasha?”
My heart tripped at her question. I didn’t have a good answer for her, and I didn’t want to lie to her.
I met her gaze. “I hope once we are settled, I can reach out to them and explain.” It was the least I could do, but I’d ensure we were a safe distance away and that they couldn’t track me down. Sasha’s threat rang in my ears, but I shook away the thought.
“Will I be able to see them again?”
My chest twisted. “I don’t know, baby. I hope so, but I can’t promise you that.”
Skye frowned. “Because they’ll be mad at you?”
