Page 125 of Nikola
“Note that I said get some cookies, not make them,” she added as if reading my thoughts.
“No need, Mom,” Nikola answered. “I’d like to have dinner without any interruptions from you all. Can we get that?” Then he extended his hand and looked at me. “Do you want to freshen up first or get right to it?”
A part of me was relieved that he seemed intent on us talking. We needed to push this dark, hovering cloud out of the way before we could move on. I certainly wouldn’t be able to sleep peacefully without laying it all out on the table.
“I’m ready to eat.”
Three sets of eyes stared at our backs as we made our way into the library.
As the door shut behind us, my heart stilled with anticipation and the romantic setup waiting for us. An intimate round table with silverware set on the white lacy tablecloth with pink petals scattered around it.
He tugged on my arm and I looked at him. “Is this okay?”
I swallowed, his look grabbing ahold of my heart as it always did. “Yes, it’s beautiful.”
A smile touched his lips. “Let’s sit down, then.”
His side of the table didn’t have a chair, so he wheeled himself in as I took the seat opposite of him. Our gazes locked again, so many emotions twirling in his light blues. He looked immaculate, but there was nervousness and fatigue lingering behind his eyes.
“I missed you so much.” Conflict waged in his eyes. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for pushing you away. For not lettingyou help me. I was a stupid, blind bastard. I swore to protect you when we were kids and I failed. In more ways than one. I’m so fucking sorry for pushing you away when all I wanted to do was cling to you until my dying breath.”
“Why did you push me away?”
His jaw tightened. “Because I feel…lesslike this. Because I’m scared.”
My brows furrowed. “But you’re never scared of anything or anyone.”
“I’m afraid of failing you. Not being good enough—strong enough—to protect you. Maybe it was my stupid pride or stubbornness, but I got used to seeing admiration and stars in your eyes when I looked at you. I was drunk, addicted to you. When I finally had you… I wanted to be your hero, your everything. Yet, how could I be your everything if I can’t even walk?”
The pain etched on his face was my undoing. Nikola always wanted to do right by everyone. Even at his craziest, he always gave his all. His legs weren’t the thing that made him the hero, it was his heart. Always his heart.
I stood and moved around the table to kneel in front of him. “The only time you ever failed me, Nikola, was when you pushed me away. Your heart is all I’ve ever seen or wanted.”Confusion and uncertainty waged in his eyes, and I continued.“You’ve always been and always will be strong enough for me. You’re everything to me.”
His gaze dropped to search my face filled with satisfaction and so many emotions, making my chest tremble.
“Are you sure?” He cupped my face, running a thumb across my lips. “Because I don’t think I can be noble or selfless ever again when it comes to you. If you’ll have meagain.”
I felt the intensity of his words and the slight shake of his hands on my skin. It made my throat tighten, and if I had a voice, I was sure it’d shake.
Instead, only my hands did as I signed with raw feelings in my heart, “I’d have you in every lifetime, Nikola. In any shape or form, as long as I live. For better or worse. I just want you.”
He pulled me up and set me on his lap, his uneven heartbeat thundering next to me. He brought his forehead to mine, enveloping me in his scent and strong arms, and I finally felt at home. He was my home. My safe haven.
“I don’t deserve you,zayka.” He kissed me. Soft and deep. So deep that it touched my heart and soul. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life repenting for the pain I’ve caused you.”
“Just be around,” I signed. “Because life without you… I don’t want it.”
Rough vibration rumbled in his chest and satisfaction filled his expression. “I love you,zayka. You know that, right?”
I leaned in and breathed against his lips, letting his oxygen fill my soul. I’d waited for so long to hear those words, but it was as if they’d been part of us all along. We’d loved each other in some shape or form since we were children.
“I love you, Nikola,”I said slowly, not caring if my voice was distorted or not perfect.
Because finally, I was back where I belonged. With him.
51
NIKOLA
