Page 142 of Frost and Death
“You are beautiful as you are,” he whispers softly along the bridge of my nose, withdrawing to offer me his hand.
My breath stutters, the man I met in Axidoria making an appearance. This is the first compliment he’s given me since my arrival in Palaena, and it sparks heat in my stomach.
I take his hand, craving the luxurious cologne and whiskey to surround me a little while longer.
His hand encompasses mine, squeezing it once and leading me through our home to meet our people as a united front. Jerrick’s touch sets my skin ablaze, the heat of him buzzing up and down my arm as he guides me to the stables.
I look for a carriage. Instead, the stable boys bring two horses, strap saddles around them, and fasten the buckles, giving each a small tug as a final check.
I recognize the steed to the right, its black coat different from the spotted coat of the creature adjacent to it.
“Um…” I pause, a phantom pain in my shoulder sending memories flooding to the surface of the last time I was around horses.
Jerrick releases my hand as he approaches the steed, combing its mane and patting it gently. I watch the interaction, completely different from when Jerrick and I rode through Biala Forest with me inching toward death.
“I-I-I don’t know how to ride a horse,” I stutter, admitting a weakness versus the trauma from my injury.
Yet the memory swirls and thrashes against me as I fight to keep my true hesitation from being voiced.
I turn back to the castle, its stone walls and the solid structure providing me more safety than sitting atop a steed. Lifting my skirt, I allow my feet the freedom to escape into the courtyard, deciding today is the day I should go enjoy the roses.
“Wait!” Jerrick calls back, but I am already increasing my pace.
Crossing through shrubbery, various shades of green foliage surround the courtyard, and I release a breath when a bench comes into view.
I sit against its cold, solid surface, trusting it is indeed a seat I can rest on without the fear of falling. Brushing a hand across my forehead, I wipe the tinge of sweat along the side of my brow before I hunch forward.
My magic ignites in a flurry, winter’s kiss caressing my blood and making my breath visible.
Footsteps approach, and the easily recognizable stained boots come into view. The soil sinks in from the weight of the man lowering to a knee in front of me.
“Remember your breathing,” Jerrick gently instructs as frost swirls along my skin.
But the possibilities of falling, being scolded, and reliving what happened in Biala Forest make focusing on only my breathing unbearable.
My pulse quickens as I grip the bench, shaking my head, knowing there is too much happening at once.
“I-I can’t,” I pant, unable to focus. “Please, just go.”
I want to prevent him from being harmed and also save myself from showing more vulnerabilities around him.Those wants strum a chord against my rib cage, my powers flaring in response to the idea of my fears coming to pass.
The reminder of damnation I bring to everything and everyone thrums thick in my blood, and eternal loneliness dances in the back of my mind at Niko’s past words.
You aren’t going to find a husband if you keep acting like this!
I’m not going to have anyone if they truly saw the monster underneath.
Dread holds my lungs in a tight grip, keeping air out of reach.
My disarraying thoughts drift farther from my past injury and fear of falling, pulling every fear I’ve tucked deep in the back of my mind to the surface, twirling and taunting it and drawing me further into myself.
Jerrick rests a hand on my knee, his steady voice soothing my panic. “I’ve got you, I’m here.”
His touch alerts my magic. The frosted chill creeps across my skin, my power meeting his warmth to help lower my temperature and slow down my heartbeat.
“Breathe,” he says softly, his hand rubbing small circles.
I close my eyes, focusing on his touch.
