Page 153 of Frost and Death
You’re doing the best you can, Tove.
Exhale.
It is okay not to be okay.
Inhale.
Frostbite.
Exhale.
Just try.
Hands land on me, and a yelp escapes at the pale blue eyes so close, so near, to mine.
Jerrick’s features are glowing from the wide grin he wears, dimple on full display and teeth shining brightly.
“You did it.” He points at the impacted stack of hay behind him, showing all signs of frost and ice gone.
I stopped it from expanding and drew it back into myself, but the toll of doing that small amount was crippling.
I am nowhere near ready for the magnitude of drawing in Axidoria’s winter.
I can’t even melt ice.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to—
Concern laces his question, noticing the lack of joy on my end. “Wh-What’s wrong?”
The respite of Jerrick unharmed floods my thoughts. His words, my exhaustion, and the realization of how far I still have to go pull me back into the void of despair.
I clamp down to suppress the well of emotions stirring, but I slump and my lips tremble.
I can’t do this here.
The need to escape, his proximity, and the breakthrough I made buckles me down. I drop my head, arms folding around me as I recoil from his touch.
I kick off against the unfrozen sand as I make a run for it, tears running down my cheeks as I break apart more and more. The sharp sting of unworthiness and guilt push me faster toward the exit.
I almost make it to the threshold of the training arena before something hard yanks my arm, whipping me against a wall. I hide my face, pushing through my exhaustion to escape Jerrick’s hold.
He responds by pushing his hips into mine.
I’m unable to think with how right it feels to have him close, the haunted unknown of hurting him sending tremors throughout my body as I fall apart. I avert my gaze, trying to escape, but Jerrick shakes me, halting my fight.
“Look at me, Frostbite,” he orders, his voice oozing with power as he towers over me, the nickname making everything worse.
If I hurt him, I never will hear him call me that again.
A choked whimper escapes, and I cover my mouth.
Jerrick holds my chin, looking down the bridge of his nose. My tear-filled eyes meet his, the anger diminishing from his gaze and softening.
“Tell me what is wrong.” This time, the order comes with more of a plea, tenderness filling the dip in his voice. “Don’t hide your pain from me.”
I shake my head as the well of emotions burst, and I break.
He relaxes his hold on me as I burrow into him. I clutch his tunic, crying harder in this small space he has engulfed me in, knowing I don’t deserve this.
