Page 20 of Frost and Death
He straightens his posture, mimicking my stance, and peers down. Somehow, I can’t tell if this is coming from Niko, my friend, or Nikolaj, my advisor.
He clears his throat. “You can have anyone. Just nothim.”
My brow lifts in suspicion. “Are you… Are you jealous?”
A boisterous laugh escapes him, oscillating through my skull as it skitters down the stairs.
When he catches his breath, he spits out, “Jealous? Why would I be jealous?”
Embarrassment blooms within me, and the building lust fizzles faster than it formed. I should have known better. Of course he wouldn’t like me like that. He was probably feeling pity earlier.
And now?
Now he is probably trying toprotectme.
“Fine!” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration, fueling my anger to shield against the rejection he dangled in front of my face.
I will not let myself be fooled by him any longer.
“Tove—”
“Good night,Nikolaj,” I seethe through clenched teeth.
I rip myself away from the hall, slamming my door behind me without a second thought.
My heart hangs on for the hope he will shout and profess his feelings for me, but the angry tears running down my cheeks tell me the harsh truth I have yet to face.
He doesn’t love me.
And if he doesn’t love me, someone who has known me for years, then who ever would?
I rub my eyes and sniff. I should have known better. I should have known he wouldn’t care beyond our friendship. And I hate that the romantic feelings have always been there for me.
Niko has a presence and support that sucks everyone in. He reels me in every time and radiates sunshine and life.
I don’t deserve it after everything I’ve done, but the storm clouds lessen when he is around.
It is getting harder and harder to separate emotions in our conversations. I brush the dampness on my cheeks away, wipe the excess off my dress, and slink out of it, debating whether I should ring for my staff.
No, I just want to forget this entire night happened.
Exhaustion has me too lazy to remove my undergarments, a light slip to give my body a smooth appearance with the gown I wore tonight.
Frustration has me careless of my hair and my crown. I rip it away, pins and all, unflinching, and toss it on my vanity.
I barely sigh when I kick off my shoes, the soles of my feet cushioned on the fleece rug.
I trudge to my bed, pulling the sheets back, and collapse, dragging my pillow tight. My tears dampen the linen as I find myself wishing for the mystery man’s company over everyone else’s at this moment.
5
Another Bloody Moon
The sun’s rays illuminate through my bedchamber, and as if right on cue, the hum of a good morning comes from my lady-in-waiting and childhood friend, Betina.
Letum damn you.
“It is time to wake up now, Tove,” she says.
