Page 208 of Frost and Death
The festering guilt and stress reaches its breaking point, reminding me of how wrong I was when coming here and how desperate I am to not ruin everything I have built with this man.
I can’t stop the tears from forming.
I cover my face, sinking to the floor, everything too much to bear.
The man I knew in Axidoria and the King of Palaena are masks Jerrick wears to protect himself. But here he is now, fully unmasked, and it is absolutely breathtaking.
It is inspiring to witness, to see there is more to life than grief and being everyone’s monster. I’ve barely missed my family since arriving in Palaena because I’ve found a new one with Dorit, Ophelia, Cordelia, Jonas, and—him.
There is more to my life than fear and trauma.
There is more to my life with Jerrick in it.
My gratitude and awe of him is unfathomable.
It reverberates through me, plummeting down to my core as my lungs deflate of all air. A smoldering inferno erupts, dousing every morsel of frost and ice inside of me. The heavy and abounding adoration I have for the man before me dominates everything.
I gasp, struggling to breathe as my feelings for Jerrick boil over.
My affection for Niko is minuscule compared to this all-consuming force.
It encircles me, sadness and sorrow distancing themselves, letting me feel a deeper, more meaningful, and more intense emotion.
A composition ignites in my soul, enduring and thrilling, and the symphony of chords ring everlasting and true.
The tears free-fall as the unyielding, magnifying emotion clutches the center of my chest, permanently finding its home by ingraining itself deep into my heart.
I—loveJerrick.
You don’t deserve him, Tove.
I have to tell him how to break his curse. I have to tell him we need to divorce to allow him to fall in love with someone worthy of him and send me home.
Home to Niko, the man I am supposed to be with.
My heart breaks because I’ve wasted everyone’s time.
Guilt, shame, and stupidity attack every positive memory I try to replay in my mind, a reminder of how stupid I am for believing no one would get hurt.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The weight of my crown is heavy, tipping forward, as if to remind me how close I am to losing everything and everyone when I confess my sins to Jerrick. I’ve wanted to tell him for so long. And when I do, he will demand proof and then I’ll have to tell him about Betina, about my mother’s mirror, and about Niko.
I reach up to unpin my crown, placing it next to me as I cry harder, hating how it feels like the only person who ever gets hurt in situations is me.
I can’t do this.
Jerrick lowers to the ground beside me, removing his own crown and placing it next to mine. Through my blurry vision, our crowns lay next to each other. How perfect they are.
My lip trembles.
Jerrick tugs my chin toward him. A question lingers in his gaze, and I find myself not ready to tell him, not ready to ruin everything.
If I am going to be the one ruined from this, I am going to do what I want for once, selfishly and recklessly.
All the consequences can be damned.
I need him more than I need life itself.
