Page 237 of Frost and Death
We squeeze each other’s hand. I look up at the ceiling, trying to work through my blurred vision as I struggle to not ask the one question I need an answer to.
I can’t hold it in any longer.
“Is Jer—” My courage wavers.
Jonas takes a long breath. “He’s—he’s in bad shape.”
Alarm scatters up my spine. “Wh-What? What happened? What’s wrong?”
Jonas closes his eyes. “H-H-He—” He pauses, seeming lost for words.
I refuse to believe something happened to him. “Where is myhusband?”
He can hate me and want me dead, but that won’t stop me from making sure he is okay.
I move, but Jonas halts me and tries to reassure me. “He’s here. He’s here.”
It does nothing to comfort me. He did not say Jerrick was okay. Ineedto know he is alright.
Jonas gulps slowly. “He’s watched you almost die, Tove.Multiple times. And while Beau helped heal you, you weren’t waking up—” Jonas wipes his eyes, sniffing. “Jerrick wasinconsolable. We moved you to rest and wake up, but he just…left. He locked himself in his room.”
“Has anyone told him I am awake?”
Jonas shakes his head. “He said he only wanted to hear news from me.”
I slump, muddling through Jonas’s words.
Jerrick is inconsolable because I betrayed him. And he wasted all this time helping me and saving me multiple times, only for me to break his trust and everything we built and throw it in his face. And even if Jonas cares about my well-being, it does not mean Jerrick does.
Jerrick has every right to execute me or divorce me, and only he will be able to make that decision. The only way a choice can be made is if I see him and ask for his judgment myself.
I look at Jonas, setting my eyes in determination, no matter how much I am dying on the inside all over again, this could be my last chance to see Jerrick.
“Take me to him,” I order.
“I can go get him and bring him here.”
I wave him off and roll on my side, hoisting myself up. “No, I need to do this. He has done too much for me. The least I can do is go to him.”
Jonas offers me his hand.
I take a hold of it, indebted to him and his help, and nudge my head toward my vanity. “Help me with my dress robe?”
“Wait here.”
He grabs my long blue silk dress robe, opening the sides to help ease my arms into it. I have a white undergarment on,but the robe is enough to cover me without too much effort of clothing beyond that.
Jonas helps wrap the lace around me, tightening the tie at my waist before lifting my hair from underneath. He smooths my locks as I look up, catching my appearance in my mirror.
My skin is pale and slightly discolored, my cheeks sunken from the lack of food. I linger on my eyes, taking myself in and not hearing cracking noises. I don’t see Runa’s reflection staring back, and I don’t see a monster thrashing to escape.
I see me.
I see a broken person, but that broken person is me.
It’s okay not to be okay,Jerrick’s voice whispers in my mind, and my features scrunch up, his words settling into my bones as I wipe my tears away from my cheeks and smile at my own reflection.
When I am ready, Jonas holds my hand and supports me. I lean into him as I seek out my husband.
