Page 239 of Frost and Death
The disarray of Jerrick’s bedchamber is the first thing that draws my attention. The moment of tidying Jerrick did on our wedding night was light. Cleaning the room now would require more than that.
Rumpled sheets are piled by the bathing area, discarded, and barely covering full trays of food. The chair by his working table is broken, with fissures on the back end where the legs are slanted from one of the legs being broken off. Papers are scattered across the floor near the mess, crinkled and torn.
And when my attention finds Jerrick, the same neglect of the room reflects in his appearance.
Oil builds up in his onyx hair. The small wisps that typically escape throughout the day are many and cover his face. His black tunic is half tucked, half open, as if he did not know whether to keep it on or change. The shadow of stubble on his jawline is fuller, covering the red undertones from him scratching it insistently. No dimple or smirk, only features pinched and pained.
And when his cold blue eyes meet mine, all I can think is how sorry I am for being the one to cause him such pain.
My fault.
Jerrick touches my cheek, and I melt into it, caressing it as tears stream down my face.
I reach for him, and he obliges.
He sits beside me, resting a leg on the bed and turning our bodies to each other. He tugs me to him and closes the gap between us. His hand remains tight on my hip as his voice lowers.
“Forgive me.”
I shake my head, not understanding why he is apologizing. “I should be the only one apologizing, Jer.”
He rests his head against mine as my heart constricts, needing to share everything I meant to the night before disaster struck.
I take his hand, looking down to draw circles with a trace of my fingertips. “I-I should have told you. The second I knew how to break the curse, I should have raised a party to find you in the woods and tell you. And I should have told you about Nikolaj. I should have. But I thought he loved me, and like a fool, I thought it would have been enough for him to stand down. I know it was stupid of me to believe that. And I know I betrayed you and used you. There are not enough food trays in the world that I can give to tell you how sorry I am. Jerrick, I amsosorry.”
Tremors shake through my body. I fight the tears, trying to get everything off my chest.
But it hurts so much.
“There will never be a day that I am not sorry for what I did to you, to Jonas, to everyone—”
Jerrick moves and grips my chin, jerking it up to meet his stare. “You are not stupid, Frostbite. You trusted in your royal advisor. He wanted a fight and convinced you. But when you changed your mind, he didn’t listen. I can’t fault you for that.”
I hold his wrist. “But I lied to you.”
“You withheld information,” Jerrick says, trying to make my deception lighter than what it really is. “I withheld information from you as well. Do not think you are the only one that has done that. You didn’t know what I was dragging you into when you arrived here. I would have done the exact same thing if I had been in your position.”
I shake my head. “I still withheld information from you formonths, whereas you didn’t.” I pull his hand away from my chin and lower my head in shame. “I know we got off on the wrong foot, Jerrick, but you put your trust in me to help you break your curse. And then you were kind enough to help me understand Palaena was not behind my parents’ deaths, and you helped me with my magic. And you did so much more, too. I never deserved any of that.”
“You deserve the world,” he gushes.
“No,youdeserve the world, Jer!” Tears still run down my cheeks, knowing he doesn’t understand me.
Jerrick’s eyebrows lift in surprise at my vigor.
I keep at it,needinghim to understand his value and not try to give me any. “You deserve to be surrounded by good people! You deserve to pave a path that is separate from your father! You deserve to find your happy, to find love, and have your curse broken. You did nothing wrong to be cursed. And you deserve the world.You”—I poke the center of his chest and push hard before laying my palm on him—“you deserveeverything.”
Resigned at the dreadful choice he has to make, I utter, “And I need to be out of your way in order for that to happen.” The death of my life stutters in my soul as I force out, “I need you to decide whether to execute me or divorce me. I won’t keep you from finding your happy, Jer.”
The silence fractures my heart more, the knowledge of losing him hitting me like a forceful wind. A choked sob escapes, and Icover my face, pinching my eyes shut and concealing my shame and rejection.
Jerrick pulls down my hands and softens his voice. “Is it my turn now?”
His question catches me off guard. But I nod twice, since hearing him out is the least I can do.
Jerrick takes a deep breath, his fingers moving to my chin. “Open your eyes.”
Our eyes meet, and I take this last chance to appreciate his face up close.
