Page 93 of Frost and Death
I lift my hand. “I doubt it is even real. I honestly think he was trying to say anything to get away from me.”
The realization of my words, the memory of his touch, and the intensity of Jerrick lingers in my mind. I hate that his attractiveness lures me with need.
I could try to reach Niko later and seek his company and find release with him, but the thought of violating my marital vows, no matter that they are with Jerrick, turns my stomach into knots. Morally, I don’t want to even consider that again.
That doesn’t even beg to touch on the punishment the Makers could bring if I violate my marital vows and the decree.
Guess I will be using my hands from here on out.
Betina pulls me from my thoughts. “Well, then, bide your time, earn their trust, and then wreak havoc on the bastards when you are able to hone your abilities.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I want there to be a peaceful solution,” I say, and Betina scoffs.
I stop her train of thought. “But what I want isn’t something I think can be achieved.”
She sighs, plopping onto my chair in my old chambers. Betina studies me through her solemn chestnut eyes, her chest shrinking as she hunches on her knees.
“I can’t believe there will be a battle.”
I sink farther into the bed before offering her a nod of finality. When it comes to returning home to Axidoria and marrying Niko, I know Niko is right. A fight is the only choice.
We sit in silence, my mind dwelling over the potential outcome of a battle between Axidoria and Palaena and the possibility of the plan falling apart before I can make any headway.
The anxiety trills deep in my bones, forcing me to clench my jaw as I debate if the path I’ve started down is one the Makers know of already and are watching, waiting, to see how badly I will doom myself. Part of me wonders if they are planning the best time to enact the most wrath upon me.
But a glint of amber eyes smiling reminds me everything we are going to do will be worth it.
“Is there anything you want me to relay to Nikolaj?”
Betina’s voice enters the void of my thoughts.
“The last time he and I spoke, I told him to communicate with King Bernard and Queen Verena. Make sure he follows through with that, and I’ll see about trying to send supplies from Palaena in our upcoming trade discussions in hopes of getting Lord Ulrik to back off,” I tell her.
She grimaces at the mention of Ulrik, telling me he, too, is a nuisance for Niko. “Thank the Makers you didn’t marry him. Nikolaj is even talking about dragging him around with him when he calls the banners, just to keep an eye on him,” she blurts.
Niko would, in fact, follow through.
I laugh lightheartedly. “Sweet Makers, there is no way I could have. I would’ve been suffocated by secondhand tobacco stench.”
She howls, slapping her knee in amusement. She inches forward, wiping a tear from her eye.
“Fucking Deities, Tove, I miss you.”
I voice my tear-filled goodbyes, hoping to speak with her soon, as my eyes grow heavy with the need to sleep. I drag my hand around the mirror once, breaking my connection to Axidoria. To Niko. To Betina. To my family.
The heavy weight of grief lingers in an ominous composition, a reminder of the graves I have not seen since coming here.
I seek their love, their advice, andthem.
Rubbing my chest doesn’t ease the ache of missing my family, and I choke on my own sobs, grabbing a pillow and pulling it close. The brittle pain of being alone and separated not only from Niko, but my family as well is what drags me back into my own Oblivion, night after night, nightmares never seeming to leave me.
19
Reason orExcuse?
The beauty of Palaena’s castle is astounding and different from Axidoria’s. Each floor stretches to entertainment wings, the royal library, study rooms, eating halls, and sleeping chambers. With its multiple levels, one would think that the decoration would alter. Instead, it remains unwavering throughout the entire estate.
Gilded framed portraits line many of the walls, varying from ancestor paintings to art depictions of creatures, forests, and life. They are paired with tall arched windows that are curved to a point, surrounded by black, red, and gold woven by the hanging chandeliers and lanterns.
