Page 98 of Rules in Love
“What the hell is wrong with you? I cannot believe you had a quickie in the bathroom while we celebrated Thanksgiving.”
“Hey, I was thanking Red for the food.”
“Oh, so you’ll be sneaking the cat lady into the toilet next? She made the apple pie, after all.”
“Mrs. Horowitz, you mean? No way. I can’t tame that vixen. She and her titanium hip are too much woman for me.” My giggling sister cut such a tiny piece of pumpkin pie I didn’t quite know why she bothered. “Whaddya reckon, Evie?” I asked with a nudge. “Scarlett and Ben seem to fit in nicely, don’t they? Jocie seems quite taken with the little man.” We turned to find Jocelyn smirking as Scarlett wiped the kids’ faces free of toffee, cream, and bananas she’d almost force-fed them.
“She does like him. How could she not? He’s a sweet little thing, almost as sweet as Iris. I think they’ll fit into the family perfectly—if that’s what you want, of course.”
“Of course that’s what I want… I think it’s what I want.”
“You think?” she asked, adding another tiny slice, this time of the pecan.
“Well, I still have a few concerns, mainly about me, not Scar or Ben. I know she is perfect for me. I just hope I’m what she needs and wants.” Perhaps sensing someone overlooked her dessert, Scarlett looked up and eyed Evie’s plates. “Shit. Quick, for fuck’s sake, Evie, take some of Scar’s banoffee pie, would ya. Look at her watching you.” I cut a hearty piece and slapped it on her plate, then grabbed a slice and ate it from my hand.
“But I don’t like it, Finn. I tasted it a bit before, and it’s weird and gritty. Lumpy too.”
“I know. It tastes like shit, but the poor thing’s recovering from the incident I will now refer to as The Shitting, and she needs a bit of a boost. Crap! Shh, she’s coming. Just take some damn pie!”
Evie laughed again, patted me on the shoulder, and headed toward the kitchen, most likely to throw out the banoffee pie. “Good Lord. You’re whipped better than her lumpy cream. Called it!”
Hastening Evie’s retreat with a push in the back, I took another mouthful of yuck and almost choked on some well-disguised but misplaced banana peel.
“I’m so happy to see you like my pie.”
“Scarlett, I think you’re well aware of my regard for you and your sweet pie.”
“Finn.” She blushed and kissed me on the cheek.
“What?”
“You know exactly what. Stop being so cheeky and come and watch football with us. Ben wants to tell you all the rules, and I want to watch Tom Brady.”
“Pfff, Tom Brady? Do you like him? What a joke. I’m the same height as him, and I play proper football like rugby and AFL. Not this rubbish where they are covered in pads and helmets and prance around in shiny leggings.”
“Aww, Finny. Do I detect a hint of jealousy?”
“Pfft, not at all. I just think it’s weird you’d fancy someone like that.”
“I don’t fancy him. I just think he’s extremely attractive.”
“Pfft.”
“Would you stop pfft-ing? You’re covering me in spit. Now sit down and watch the bloody game.”
I did as I was told and saw Evie and Nate mockingly whip me in the background. I could understand Evie, but Nate? Like he wasn’t going to be just as whipped by my sister.
Nestled between the kids and Scarlett, whose feet leisurely rested on my lap the entire time and who had absolutely no idea what was happening, I watched and cheered along for the first half. Despite my lack of knowledge and newfound hatred of Brady, it was entertaining. I hoped this would be the first of many holidays spent in this manner, leaving me with a warm, fuzzy, bubbly feeling that filled me as much as the food I’d consumed.
When Bruno Mars hit the stage for the halftime show, all the boys cleaned up and did the dishes. It was a good thing I was on trash duty and not Scar. Almost every piece of her pie was a quarter eaten and laying amongst the turkey carcasses. She was so proud of that damn thing. I felt terrible for her.
As I hovered over its remains, Teddy stood behind me and sighed. “She makes it at Christmas too. She’s just so damn proud of it that I’ve never had the heart to tell her it tastes like banana-flavored poo. Oh, and her trifle… Christ, Finn, it’s even worse.” The remainder of the pie was plopped into the trash bag Teddy carried while I took the other. It felt like we were two crooks, disposing of the evidence before the cops arrived and hauled them away.
We remained undetected all the way to the curb and had just trashed the evidence when a familiar voice called out from across the street.
“Theo, hey, man, how’s it going?” Brett crossed the street and shook Teddy’s hand in an overly aggressive manner.
“Hi, Brett,” Teddy replied with a forced smile. “I didn’t know you were invited. Good to see you.”
