Page 106 of Rules in Love
All too soon, I was back by Iris’s side, kneeling on the floor as she violently tossed and turned in her polka-dot bed sheets, caught in the space between sleep and wake where confusion reigns supreme. A haunting cry had woken me, but who she called for right before her eyes shot open woke a fear in me I thought I had laid to rest.
“SCAWETT. I WANT SCAWETT.” It tore through me like a bullet, dislodged something inside me, leaving me open and raw.
“Bubs, bubs. Daddy’s here. It’s okay. Don’t cry, sweetheart. Everything’s okay. It’s just a dream.”
“I WANT SCAWETT.”
“Scarlett is at home with Ben, bubs. Shhhh. Daddy’s here. Daddy will always be here.”
In the dim glow of her nightlight, I witnessed her eyes change. Recognition of time and space returned, and she jumped into my arms, her tiny body gripping onto me so tightly I almost lost my footing. She continued to cry, mumbling the ludicrous atrocities she’d witnessed in her sleep as she yawned and rubbed her face into my shoulder. After several minutes, the kid wasn’t budging, and I had lost all feeling in my crookedly twisted legs. I stood, cursing as an upside-down potato mouth lodged between my toes, and then carried her from the room. I was pretty sure she was asleep before her red curls hit the crisp white cotton of my pillow—a pillow blessed only hours ago by a much deeper Scarlett red.
Light footsteps on the squeaking timber floor roused me from my impending and much-craved slumber. I held my breath, rolled away from Iris, and found Evie’s face popping around the doorframe.
“Is she okay?” she whispered so quietly I could barely hear.
“Yeah. She was asleep before I even laid her down.”
Her features remained fixed. Even in the quiet dark of midnight, she knew something was wrong. “And you? Are you okay?”
“Yeah… I think. I mean…” I looked down at Iris, so cute, so sweet, so peaceful in her sleep, when the burn of Scarlett’s name tearing from her lungs was still ravaging me. “Evie, do you think I’ve rushed into things? Introduced Scar and Iris too soon? Iris has become so attached to her already. Is it too…’’ Iris shifted in her sleep, kicking me in the stomach with the back of her heel, then rolling to face me and doing the same with her toes. She then smiled and stilled.
Evie giggled softly, and the rest of her body followed her face into my room, awkwardly pulling down the baggy T-shirt that almost reached her bare knees. Nate’s baggy T-shirt. She tiptoed and sat on the edge of my bed. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Finny,” she whispered. “Scarlett is the first woman you’ve opened yourself up to and the first you have brought home. I believe she will be the only one too. Iris loves her because she’s fantastic and because she sees how much you do. We all see it, Finn. Everyone. Please don’t try to control what’s unfolding. Just let it be.” Leaning down, she kissed my forehead, the back of Iris’s, then tiptoed away.
“Eves…Evie,” I whisper-yelled till her head floated back in. “I’m sorry I’ve been weird about Nate. You guys are terrific together and deserve to be happy too.” One chubby tear dropped onto her cheek. She let it sit there, whispered thank you, and then disappeared.
I woke with a toe in my nose, a foot resting against my neck like a blade, and a headache that could take down a football team. Careful not to disturb Iris, I removed the toe and crawled from the bed. An all-too-familiar feeling shrouded me as I walked to the kitchen, and it wasn’t hunger—although I was bloody starving. No, this was guilt, an over-familiar and ever-present companion of mine for far too many years. The late night, or was it an early morning, conversation with Evie had done little to ease the doubt I was feeling over Iris’s affectionate overtures toward Scarlett. In fact, my restlessness had confirmed it.
Scarlett was right to be pissed at me when I had made that clandestine visit with Iris. It was a mistake. I had used my daughter to manipulate her into forgiving me and, in the process, left her open and vulnerable to another crippling loss. It was selfish and short-sighted, and I was ashamed of it. Protecting Iris and fiercely guarding her heart was the most important thing in the world to me, but with one weak and stupid decision, I had undone all those years of work. For a heartbeat, I paused, realizing I’d been safeguarding my own heart all those years as much as Iris’s. Regardless, I needed to fix the mess I’d made. I needed to secure Iris’s future, and I had a crazy but brilliant idea of how to do it.
A work in progress as I walked to the closest key cutter, my plan was set into motion at the counter while a smart-ass kid with a face full of piercings gave me attitude. In all fairness, it had taken me a while to choose a key, but if they want people to be quick, they shouldn’t have so many styles.
This was a big deal. I needed this key to make the right statement.Should I go with clean and modern? Antique, novelty, or colored?
Metal face didn’t appreciate my indecision.” Dude, could you pick a key already? I’m busting for a leak.”
“Lovely,” I muttered. “Ahh, give me that one, the old brass-looking one.”
“Classy,” he mumbled back.
While the metal-face smartass cut my key, I began to sweat. One second, I was pumped. The next, terrified. I knew my idea would be confusing for her. I myself had been confused an hour earlier. But everything was suddenly clearer than it had ever been.
With the key in my hot little hand and a head full of steam, I headed to my girl.
My enthusiastic and persistent knocking went unanswered. I pressed my head against the cool door, listened for signs of life, and could faintly make out Taylor Swift wafting down the hall. Smiling to think of Scar inside, dancing while making breakfast, I tested the doorknob and found it unlocked. “Scar? It’s me. I’m coming in.” As I hung my coat on the hook and quickly tidied the others that were hanging haphazardly, Scarlett’s voice clashed with the music before it was turned off. Hoping to catch her unawares, I tiptoed toward her, the knot that had been holding my stomach ransom easing with each step. But then I heard another voice—a man’s voice. Brett’s voice.
Maybe I should have left, knocked, or again loudly announced my arrival. But I didn’t. I softened my steps, edged closer, and snuck my head around the kitchen corner.
“C’mon, Lette. You don’t have to love me. But you do have to do what’s best for Ben. We can be a family. I know that’s why you came to the States. For us.” Then the asshole grabbed her, groped her, kissed her.
Jealousy and anger blurred my vision. Thanksgiving flashed before my eyes—Scar, Ben, and Brett on the couch, sitting together. A family. Just like she wanted. But I could hear her voice, and this was not what she wanted.
“Get off me now, you creep.” Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing beside Scarlett, my chest heaving. My white knuckles twisted around Brett’s sweater, releasing the sickening stench of whiskey and tobacco as he lay on the ground before me. “She’s not going to make a family with you, dickhead. She’s making one with me. I should kick your ass, you stupid son of a bitch.”
“Finn. Stop. It’s okay. I can handle this. Brett is a little over-hydrated and enthused after a big night out, but he was just leaving. Weren’t you, Brett?”
“It didn’t look like he was leaving, Red. It looked like he was making himself at home.”
“What’s the matter, Flim?” Brett sneered. “Can’t handle a little competition? We could always share, I guess.”
