Page 23 of Rules in Love
Hello, Baby.
My name is Shelby, and I’m your mum, but of course, you’ll know that by the time you read this. I wanted to write you a letter to tell you how much I loved you even before I ever saw you. And to tell you how much fun I had with you in my tummy.
It was hard sometimes, baby. Some people were mean and cruel to both your Daddy and me, but feeling you grow and move and kick inside me was worth it.
I have taken a photo of my belly each month to see how you grew and how we both changed. I am eight months pregnant now and cannot believe there is only one more photo to go before you arrive. I also can’t imagine how I could possibly get any bigger, but your nanna assures me I will.
Your Daddy and I are so excited and can’t wait to meet you. Speaking of Daddy, you are so lucky and will love him so much. He is so fun and cute, a great surfer, and just the best guy ever. I have loved him my whole life (don’t tell him that, though; it will give him a big head) and loving you has brought us closer, so thank you for choosing us to be your parents.
I also wanted to make you some promises.
1. I promise I will read you a story every night.
2. I promise that, even when I’m tired, I will kiss and cuddle you and never yell (unlike your nanna).
3. I promise to look after your daddy and love him as much as I love you.
4. I promise to give you a pretty name (because I know you are a girl despite what Daddy says).
5. Baby, I promise that your daddy and I will always be happy and always love you. We will never leave you alone, and we will always be a family and love each other no matter what. We WILL live happily ever after.
I love you so much.
Mummy. XXOO.
Pain and grief pushed all sense and reason from my brain. With the tear-soaked letter in my hand, I ran to Evie’s room, almost slamming the door through her wall as I burst in and shook her awake.
“What’s wrong? Is it Iris? Is she okay?” She almost fell from the bed in her rush to rise, and I made no attempt to help her stay upright.
“Where did you get this? How could you keep this from me? Fuck, Evie, you had no right.”
“What? What are you talking about, you dickhead?”
“This, Evie. I’m talking about this.” Filled with rage, I threw the letter into her face. Sleepily rubbing her eyes with one hand, the paper crinkled between her fingers, and I watched as her face switched from blurry, confused annoyance to a look ofoh shit.
“Where did you find this?” Her voice was pained, hollow.
“In those damn boxes you left in my room. The one that had your name written in bright-yellow marker. Was that deliberate? Were you trying to have me find it and make me feel like shit about Scarlett?”
“Scarlett? That girl from work that Jocie says you have the hots for? What’s this got to do with her?”
“I dunno, you tell me. You’re the one giving me grief about coming home late, and now this. You have no right to make me feel guilty for even thinking of having a life.”
“Finn! You are acting like an idiot. Number one, I didn’t even know you were with Scarlett tonight. And two, those boxes have been collecting dust in your room for weeks. What, you think I foretold all this happening with your stupid Magic 8 Ball and planted the letter?”
Fuck. I hate it when she’s right.
“I don’t know. No, probably not. But still, why would you not tell me? Don’t you think, as Iris’s father, I had the right to give it to her myself one day?”
“Yes, I do think that. But if you must know, Nate found it years ago in Shelby’s things and only gave it to me before we left. He made me promise that I’d keep it until I thought Iris was ready. He was so sad and said it was the last piece of her he had. I know you are her dad, but I am with her day in and day out, and I wanted to do as Nate asked and give it to her when she was old enough to appreciate it, and I don’t think she is yet.”
“That’s not your decision to make. I’m her dad. I was Shelby’s boyfriend. Even if I didn’t show Iris, I should have been the one to choose. Congratulations, Evie. I had the first fun night since I can remember, and you’ve completely fucked it. Hope you’re happy.”
After quite possibly waking the entire house with my yelling, I then made sure of it by slamming the door as I made my exit and again when I entered my room. I waited for the footsteps to echo down the hall behind me, but they never came.
Neither did sleep. It remained elusive the rest of the night, giving me a horrendous amount of time to worry and ponder the terrible things I was and wasn’t doing with my life. By the time my alarm went off at six, I had all but decided again that nothing could happen with Scarlett. There was something there between us that enticed but scared me. And like I’d said to her at the bar, I needed her—truthfully in more ways than one. But I really needed her for my job. Messing around with my heart and dick was one thing, but I needed to remain in control.
I was here for my daughter’s future and Evie’s too. The future I’d promised Shelby on her deathbed was my responsibility, and that was something I couldn’t risk messing up.
