Page 100 of Secrets in Love
“I don’t love you.”
What was that old song, by the lady with the big hair and G-string…that line,‘words are like weapons.’My stinging rebuke wounded Nate. I physically felt his heart tearing, watched his whole-body shudder, resembling the carnage of flesh with a bullet’s fatal entry. But he remained upright, withstanding my barbed lies.
He shook his head in defiance…or denial. “Bullshit. I know you love me.”
I stood my ground, staring into his eyes while wiping the liquid weakness from my cheeks with the sleeve of my pajamas, and jutting my chin. “Inevertold you that, and even if I did, it doesn’t matter. My life is here.”
A scoff of indifference inserted the dagger. “What, teaching toddlers to dance and being a surrogate mother to your niece is more important than me and your own happiness?” And those words pressed the rusted and blunt blade into my heart.
“I’m going to ignore the cruelty of your words because I know you are scared and hurting, but I need you to listen. I cannot and will not leave Iris and Finn behind.”
Nate laughed and pinched his nose between his thumb and index finger. “Fuck. You do know Finn is a big boy who should be able to sort his own shit. And Iris ishiskid, not yours.”
“Fuck, yes, I know the big idiot will be fine, but Irisismine, you asshole.”
“No, Evie,” he spat, stepping into my face. “No, she is not. She’s your niece, just like she is mine.”
I tried to step back, but he held me to him. “Why are you being such a cruel prick? I may not have carried and birthed her, but I have been with her since the day she was born, Nate. Sheismine in every other sense of the word. I raised her. I stayed up, fed her, bathed her, and held and rocked her upright because she was puking all night with reflux. I was there when she learned to walk and talk. She is my heart, and walking away from her would be like losing a piece of me. Why don’t you understand that?”
“Because one day soon, Finn will make up with Scarlett and leave to make his own home…a home that will most likely include Iris,his daughter. You need to make a life for yourself, and that could be done so easily at home with me. I’ll marry you. Is that what you want? Because if that’s what it takes, I’m willing.”
“You’rewilling?”
He nodded as though nothing was wrong with the words that had just left his lips.
“You’re willing?” I repeated.
“Uhh, yeah. That’s what I said. And it’s not the only thing. I leased the old town hall near the farm so you can run your little dance school. That way, I have what I want—you—and you have me, and a purpose, and you don’t have to work with Fuckface anymore.”
Never in my life had Iseriouslycontemplated murder. Sure, with my level of people-hatred, there were always some low-level violent fantasies, but Nate looking at me, the way he looked at Finn attempting to speak Mandarin, brought me perilously close to committing legitimate homicide.
“I’m not sure how you think insulting, patronizing, and degrading me would be an enticement to leave the family and job you suddenly hold such little regard for. Nor am I sure on what planet you think it’sokaytobribesomeonewithabusinessdoingthesame thing you just verbally shit all over. Or…or…wherethatis an acceptable way to propose marriage. But I assure you, it is most definitelynotthe one we inhabit. I promise you this, Nathaniel Myers. I will never,evercome back to Byron, and I sure as fuck will never,evermarry you.” With that, I pulled the metaphorical dagger from my heart and plunged it into Nate’s.
“You wanna go home, fine. Go home. It doesn’t affect me one way or the other because whatever we had is done.”
Nate
“Finn! I know you’re in there. I could smell you from the backyard. Open the bloody door.”
A dull thud I presumed was Finn’s forehead, whacked against the door, then his equally gloomy voice replied, “Leave me alone. I want to fade to nothing in peace.”
“Jesus Christ, dude. I need to find Evie. She’s taken off and blocked my number. I messaged the two people I knew, and they were clueless. I’m pretty sure Teddy knows and was trying to drop hints or tell me what I should do in some snobby, philosophical way, but I didn’t get it. I shouldn’t even care, but I can’t leave without saying goodbye.”
Grunts echoed through timber, along with giant clown footsteps moving away from then back to the door. The intensifying stench of heartbreak reached knock-a-man-off-his-feet levels as Finn swung open the door. “What do you mean you’re leaving?”
“Bro. You look and smell like shit.”
“Thanks, asshole. You don’t look so great yourself. Cut the pleasantries and tell me where you’re going.”
I pinched my nose to reinforce the fact that he stank. “Dad’s sick. I’m going home. I’ve got an hour and forty-five minutes to get to the airport, and only a man on the edge will be willing to drive fast enough to get me there on time.” I patted his shoulder and watched the dust take flight. “I believe you are that man, stinky.”
“Sorry. I know I’ve been busy wallowing in my own filth, but I feel like I’m missing something.”
“You are. I’ll explain in the car. Now, for shit’s sake, take a freaking shower and make it quick.”
Finn scratched his head and looked up and down the hall. “But what about Evie?”
I kept walking. It was time to be stoic or fall apart. “No time for questions. Tick-tock, mutha-fucka!”
