Page 108 of Secrets in Love
I could easily understand why he, or anyone, would sleep with her. She was stunning. Her dark hair laid over her breasts as she floated toward me. Her body was incredible, so curvy, tall, and feminine. She was every man’s desire. Unlike me.
“You’re still just a cold, frigid, little bitch.”
“Mistress Austen.”
“Stupid, gullible fool,” I repeated, chastising no one but myself. I’d allowed this to happen. Almost made it happen. I manifested it, worried it into existence. It was equally my mistake. Any idiot could see what he was, what he’d been his whole life, but I needed to believe he’d changed.
Part of me, a really thick, moronic, and probably horny part, believed his declaration of innocence. He looked more shocked and enraged with every word that fell from Polly’s mouth. But even if he was telling the truth and didn’t have sex with her, revealing our intimate secrets, giving her that knowledge, that power, was an equal injustice and almost the bitterest of pills to swallow.
He knew how insecure I was, how I compared myself to her. How she herself had betrayed me with Luke and how she had rubbed in her relationship with Nate.
He also knew how hard it was for me to trust, to be vulnerable, to open myself up to him. The thing was, I never really did. A part of me remained closed off. I had never been anyone’s favorite anything, but I washiseverything, and it terrified me so much that I couldn’t face how he had become mine too.
I never told him I loved him. I used my family as an excuse to run rather than face a future I knew we both wanted, because I lacked the courage he had always claimed I had.
I took the easy way out.
I wasn’t brave enough.
I let him down because I feared how much I felt, and the fear of loss, of grief—of what it would do to me to give myself fully, to taste true and real and honest love and hold it in my hand only to one day feel it slip away—was unbearable.
Perhaps that was the cruelest of all our betrayals.
As though summoned by the devil himself, a message from Polly lit up my phone. Then another and another. There was nothing that bitch had to say that I wanted to hear. That was why I waited almost two seconds before I read them.
Polly: Evie Austen. You have beaten me in everything. School grades, athletics, swim meets, selling the most cakes at bake sales. You name it, you beat me. I really liked Luke Bailey, and when you stole him from me, it crossed a line. The joy I felt when he finally listened to me and dumped your ass was the ultimate high.As was bagging Nate once I realized how much he missed you. He told me a few times that he loved you, but I never believed he was capable of true love and fidelity. Not until today.
Polly: I saw you drive through town last night. I’d just finished work and was on my way home. I’d called a cab for Nate before I left but then saw him walking along the side of the road. The cabbie had thrown him out when he puked in the car. It was a sign. I knew why you were back, and God was handing me a platter to serve the sweetest of revenge.
Polly: Nate was in the car when I saw you, but he was so drunk he didn’t notice. I had to drag him inside when we got home, and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. That’s when I went through his phone and that’s how I knew about the sex stuff.
Polly: We didn’t have sex. I tried but he refused and was so drunk he couldn’t have even if he wanted to. He loves you, Evie. More than I knew his ho-heart was capable of. I would say I’m sorry for putting you through this, but I’m not. I still hate you for Luke, but maybe we are even now.
I didn’t hear the car pull up behind me.
But I felthim.
“Gidge, you’re here.”
“Yes. And you’ve got some giant cojones showing up here after the shit you pulled. I shouldn’t be talking to you right now.”
“I didn’t mean to pull anything. Polly was doing all the pulling…but not of me or my…you know. Shit. God that was a really dumb thing to say. I really am an idiot, but I swear I didn’t sleep with her. You have to believe me.”
“I do believe you.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. Please, just list—Wait. What? You do? Why did you run off, then?”
“Well, I didn’t come to that conclusion immediately on seeing you naked in bed with Slutface, Nate. I was hurt and embarrassed. I made a fool of myself in front of Polly and thought you made a fool of me too. And because I hadn’t read this then.”
Chancing my ability not to kill him, I peeked at Nate over my shoulder, tossed him my phone, and watched the emotions ripple across his face. Even terrified and broken he was so damn beautiful.
“Bloody hell, Gidge. She’s crazy…like, I’m talking bunny-boiling territory.”
“That she is.” I stood and dusted myself off. “You look like shit, Nathaniel Myers. But you’re still the most gorgeous boy in the world.” He also looked like he might faint.
“And you look fucking beautiful, just like you always have.” He edged closer and rubbed the once pristine fabric of my dress between his thumb and index finger. “I love your dress. It almost looks like a wedd—”
“It was supposed to.”
