Page 31 of Secrets in Love
“I didn’t say stupid, but thanks for including it.”
“Don’t joke about this, Evie. He assaulted you. You should press charges, for fuck’s sake. Are you sure you’re physically okay?”
Wiping the tears with the back of my hand, I checked my wrist and was shocked to see the clearly visible red and swollen finger marks.
“Yes, I’m okay. I think I might get a doozy of a bruise, though.”
“Fucking bastard!” Something—maybe glass or a mirror, some poor bastard’s bones—bore the brunt of Nate’s frustration and smashed in the background. “Fuck. I am so fucking angry at myself. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t been such a dick to you on the phone. I should have been there to keep you safe. To protect you.”
God, how I wanted that. To feel his arms around my body. To have his scent infusing into every pore. But that wasn’t going to happen. Nate wasn’t mine, and I needed to look after myself. “I know you’re looking out for me, and I’d hate to burst your ego bubble, but I chose to go out with that dick because he was hot and seemed nice, and I wanted to. But even if what you said was true, it’s not your job to protect me, Nate. You’re not my bodyguard, my brother, or anything for that matter. What you are is Polly’s boyfriend, and you should be worried about watching over her, not me.”
“Damn it, Evie. Why do you have to be so bloody stubborn? Don’t you get it by now? I don’t… I don’t want to be Polly’s anything. I want to be your everything!”
Every part of me, except my brain, told me to scream,I want that too!But I didn’t. I just bit my lip to stifle my cry and listened to his breathing.
“Evie? Evie! Dammit, are you still there?”
“Yes! Yes, I’m still bloody here. But Nate, you don’t mean that. There’s nothing special about me. You’re just confusing what we had. I think we both are. Being so far away from each other is throwing us off—”
“Evie, stop. You are special. You’re one of a kind. What we have is one of a kind. Being so far away has helped me see what’s real. I know you have feelings for me, and I sure as fuck know how I feel about you. I’m going to prove it to you, too.”
“What…what do you mean?”
For a beat or twenty, the world kept moving around me, but I remained frozen in time, trapped in the loudest silence of my life. Then, just like that night in the rain with Finn, everything changed.
“I’m coming to New York. I was going to be there for Christmas anyway, but if I can, I’m changing my flight. Hell, I’ll bloody swim if I have to, but either way, I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Nate, this is stupid.”
“No, it’s not. It’s quite possibly the smartest thing I’ve ever done. Take this as your first and only warning, Lil Gidge. When I get off that plane… When I see, touch, and kiss you, you’ll see and feel and know exactly how real and rare what we feel for each other is.”
Nate
In my mind, three things were set in stone.
I was going to New York.
I was going to tell Evie I loved her.
I was going to bring her home.
Outside of my mind, in that little place known as reality, that was not the case.
Well, going to New York was, but that was it.
My bags were packed, and I was ready to go…ready to finally do it. The impending confession had been so close so many times it was ridiculous. Letters had been written, playlists created, and poems memorized. Each time I had been sure it wasthetime. Yet each time, I wimped out. Not this time, though. This time would be different.
Maybe.
Practicalities needed to be sorted before anything could happen. For that, I needed to calm down—something I decided running like a madman on the treadmill at the rear of my little cabin would help me do. It sat by a window overlooking green fields filled with row after row of flowering macadamia trees and a flock of sheep and lambs. Some of my best thinking was done in that spot, especially when newborn lambs were prancing and hopping around. I may have been a rugged and manly Aussie farmer who could carry a sheep under one arm and crack open a cold beer with the other, but I would never be too manly to admit there is nothing in this world cuter than a newborn lamb. Their vigor and energy always lifted my spirits. The only other place that offered me such solace and clarity of thought was the ocean. But I’d not set foot on my board since Evie had left. Each wave that crashed against the shore felt like a nail being driven into my heart. It was torture.
Five kilometers in, the chaos of my mind began to settle, and the planning commenced.
Showing just how well they knew their son, my folks had purchased me a round-trip ticket to the States when they booked their own trip to Fiji. Being the downright cheapskates that they were, the flight was a super-duper cheapskate special that required a kidney, liver, or your firstborn child to be surrendered when changing the travel date, and this was no small change. It wasn’t a day or two I would be asking. No, I was going from early December to late October. It was doubtful I was flying anywhere on that original ticket. I was more confident with organizing the visa. I only needed one as a tourist if I stayed over ninety days. Still, that kind of shit changed constantly, so checking that was added to the mental list.
Then there was the big one. Dad. After his stroke at just fifty, he retired. The place and the responsibilities that came with it were now mine. How would he feel about retaking the reins so his one and only son could run off and chase some girl across the globe? Mum and I were so scared of something happening that we’d hardly let him lift a finger for months, apart from the odd jobs Mum had to keep inventing for him. How would she feel about it? Would she want me to risk Dad’s health again, even when he had a clean bill from his doctors? Knowing their fondness for Evie somewhat eased my mind, but even if he was happy for me to go, was he physically capable of running the farm?
Again? Even if it was only for a few weeks?
