Page 53 of Secrets in Love
Me : I am SO happy you saw Luke. I am sure it was quite the reunion. Especially if you fucked him like you did fifty-five seconds after he broke up with me.
My finger hovered oversend. Frigid Evie wanted me to press it. She wanted me to go harder, to annihilate that bitch and laugh as I stood over her flaming corpse. But the me I wanted to be, the one working toward her dreams and wanting to let go of the past, deleted it.
Me : That’s nice. I like your top. Off to bed. Chat later.
Then, I did as I’d told Polly. I let misery carry me to bed. There I lay in my comfiest pajamas, with my head buried beneath the quilt, and waited for unconsciousness to dull my brain.
Sleep proved elusive. It was, after all, only nine pm, and my evening meal was still digesting loudly in my belly. I read for a bit, listened to the ten-minute version of Taylor’s “AllTooWell” a few dozen times, and was briefly entertained by Finn and Jocelyn. Him with his I’m-going-to-get-laid whistling as he snuck off to see Scarlett, and her with her calling out, “Don’t forget to use protection, Finnley,” from the bathroom window. But no matter what I did or what unorthodox position I lay in, my mind kept going back to a shirtless Nate and then to me lying on the floor of a public bathroom.
Frigid Evie, indeed.
Why was this still bothering me after all these years?It was back in high school, for God’s sake. I needed and wanted to move on and let go of my past, but to do that, would…should I be letting go of Nate?
A smiling, cheeky—even for him—Nate hovered in my face as we waited for our coffee, but the barista making eyes and wriggling his brows at me was occupying my attention. He’d soon be wearing the latte he was making if he kept it up.
Despite my late-evening nervous breakdown and early-morning hesitation, I decided to spend another day with Nate. After all, he was stuck in a hotel and not in our family home because of me. I could hardly ditch him. And he might prove useful at the dance studio should Christian turn up and try anything. They were the only reasons, though. It had practically nothing to do with him being sexy and me wanting to rid myself of Frigid Evie.
Vivid dreams in rapid succession throughout the night gave rise to an epiphany. There was no issue with my hormones, drive, or want. This was purely psychological, and psychology was one of my majors in college. I aced it and was sure if I harnessed the power of my mind, I could conquer this with a modified version of immersion therapy.
Bit by bit, day by day, I was going to open myself up and hand myself over to Nate, and by the time he went home, he would be taking my virginity with him.
I had no intention of following. This was a short-term thing while Nate was in town, enabling me to pop the cherry and get whatever this attraction, infatuation, and obsession was out of my system and move on. As for my worries about Finn…well, he was never going to find out.
First and foremost, I had to deal with the knob making hearts in my foam. I’d blown him off so hard, but the guy didn’t take the hint.
“Why are you so crotchety today? Your cute little face looks all squashed up like a grumpy pug,” Nate said beside me.
“Thank you for the flattery. I’m not a crotchety pug. I just don’t like people, and there are too manypeoplelooking at me.”Take that, coffee boy.
“You do so like people. I’m a people, and you like me.”
“Yes, but you’re my person…I mean people. You’re my people…one of…my people in the series of people I know.” Nate’s smirk had me locked in a wet-my-undies stare, and latte-guy was screwing up his face and crossing out the phone number he’d written in my cup. “Shut up!” I snapped after he said absolutely nothing.
I snatched the cup from the counter as soon as it was placed and stormed off.” There better not be any bloody pumpkin spice in this. This whole place reeks of it,” I yelled over my shoulder. “Nate let’s go. We have things to do and people to see.”
“I really love it when you order me about, Gidge. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy…maybe even horny.”
My snarky comment was seconds away from launching, but then I remembered my ditch-the-cold-hearted-bitch routine. Nate was sipping from his cup. Stopping just as we exited, I smiled, ran my hand up his arm, and patted him like a dog. He watched my hand slide back and forth as he swallowed, then swallowed again. I upped the stakes, letting my fingers slide back down over his elbow and wrist till I reached his own and squeezed them lightly. “How’s the coffee?”
“It’s…uhh…nice. Really, really nice.” The cutest smile lit his eyes and warmed my heart. Touching Nate and seeing him light up felt nice. “C’mon,” I said, squeezing his hand again and then holding it to pull him behind me. “I want to show you something special.” He opened his mouth, but I beat him to it. “And no, it does not involve removing any clothing.”
“Damn, Gidge. You read my mind.”
“66 Perry St, New York, NY 10014, United States. The world. The universe. For years I’ve wanted to come here, and now, it is just a few blocks from where I live. I can just see her, looking out over the street, cigarette in hand, exhaling her smoke as she writes.” I sighed. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Sure is. The house isn’t bad either.” I turned to face Nate. He was looking at me, a rare, serious expression clouding his usual golden retriever-like persona. “I watched it every day while you were gone.”
“What?SexandtheCity? Why?”
He shrugged and looked at his feet. “Just to feel close to you. For some reason, picturing you walking in your flip-flops down Fifth Avenue, looking at all the fancy shops Carrie shouldn’t be able to afford and eating in all the restaurants, helped me be okay with it.” He sighed again, but his smile returned. God, he was beautiful. “I should have known you’d find her house. How long after arriving in the city did you come here?”
“The first night.”
“Thought so.” I stood beside him, reclaimed his hand, and watched the cutest soft blush I’d not seen before blossom across his cheeks. “I like it when you do that,” he said, his voice deepening.
“I like it too.” I waited for the comeback, for the inevitable, ‘If you like touching my hand, you should try touching my…’but it never came.
“Are you still going to see Jody today?” he asked.
