Page 83 of Secrets in Love
But my fierce bravery, the girl who slayed dragons, was gone. I couldn’t, and I didn’t.
Evie
I’d just finished my class, had said goodnight to all the kids, fielded all the parents’ questions, and was looking forward to going home to Nate when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. Before I could see who it was, I could sense it, and Jody yelling over my head all but confirmed it. “What are you doing here? I was supposed to talk to Evie first.”
“I’m sorry,” a familiar voice said quietly, “I got the days wrong, I guess. She never used to work on Thursdays.” Every hair on my body stood to attention.
I spun and came face to face with Christian. Disappointingly, he looked amazing. Half of me—well, maybe more than half—had hoped he would look like shit when I saw him again, just like he did before starting rehab, but he had always been a beautiful man, and a few weeks away from work hadn’t altered that. Gone were the bags under his red eyes, and the gray, sallow skin was no more. His complexion, his general vibe was bright and happy like the day he had goofily asked me out and gave me the Tim Tams. Unlike that day, there were no butterflies in my belly or trembling in my loins. He was just a man—one that made me cautious and slightly uncomfortable—that I no longer liked or hated, but was mostly indifferent to, and I was thrilled that was the case.
“It’s alright, Jody,” I said, flashing her a reassuring smile. “He’s right. I didn’t work Thursdays last time he was here. It’s okay, really.” Standing proudly, I raised my chin and looked Christian right in the eye. “How are you, Christian? You look well.”
“I am, Evie.” He smiled. “I’m sober, eating well, dancing again, and loving it. I’ll be teaching Iris’s class tonight, actually. It’ll be my first one back.” I tried to grin and nod casually, but the longer I faced him, the closer he edged, and the faster my heart began to beat. But it wasn’t attraction as it once was. It was the memory of his hand gripping and bruising mine. “Will you be there tonight?” he asked. “Maybe we can talk? I want to know how you’ve been doing since—”
I cut him off before he could finish his thought. “I’m…happy. I’m really happy. Finn is bringing Iris tonight, so we’ll have to catch up another time. I’m done for the day.” I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow…maybe.”Hopefully not.
Feeling like I wanted to vomit, I set offto Iris’s school and quickly messaged Finn, asking if it was okay for him to take her to class alone tonight and why. We often went together on Thursdays and would take our starving little dancer out for dinner afterward. It was a fun little tradition that had helped us discover the best local food, including our favorite, Rubirosa.
Finn: No worries, Sis. I can’t believe that mongrel is back already. What did Nate say? I’ll be home asap.
What would Nate say?
Anxiety-induced ghosting took place as I ignored Finn’s barrage of texts while I waited at the school gate and as we continued home. Fear over Christian hurting me again wasn’t the problem. I was more worried about Nate. How would he take the news? How would I react to his taking of the news? Levelheaded responses weren’t my strong suit…or his…and the timing sucked. I’d finally allowed myself to feel what I’d denied for years, even if only to myself. I was happy. Wewere happy. Would fuckface—as Nate called him—reappearing upset our newly discovered and untested balance?
The man in question—Nate, not Fuckface—was gloriously shirtless in the kitchen when we walked inside. His face was covered in flour, his jeans in cake batter. “You’re home! Look, ladies, I made cupcakes. And don’t look at me like that, Gidge. I FaceTimed mum, and she walked me through it, and they’re bloody delicious. Here!” A vanilla cake with pink icing and sprinkles was gleefully shoved in my face by a beaming man who was so excited and proud that I decided to keep Christian’s return to myself.For a little while at least, just till I know how things will settle at work,I told myself as I bit into the surprisingly light and fluffy treat.
After a quick cake and cuddle stop, Iris ran to her room to change for dance class, and I stood watching Nate ice the remaining cupcakes and lick canned frosting from his fingers. He was equally sweet and delicious, I needed his comfort, and I couldn’t stay away. Moving to his side, I dipped my finger in the frosting and had a taste. Nate’s eyes almost popped out of his head, so of course I did it again. This time, I spread the sugary creaminess over his lips and was in the process of licking it off when Finn walked in.
“Jesus, can’t a guy walk into his own house without seeing this?”
“Yes, he can,” I snapped. “Why don’t you go buy one and try it out?”
Finn maturely replied by flipping me the bird and stealing a cupcake. “These are good, Eves. Make me a batch, and I’ll take them with me to my new pad.”
“I didn’t make them. Natey made them for me,” I crooned, kissing Nate again.
Finn’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “So, did you do something stupid, Natey,” he said, his voice dripping with eww, “or was this sweet gesture an attempt to cheer Grumpy Guts up after the Christian news?” Nate dropped the spatula, and I dropped my foot onto Finn’s. “Ow! What was that for?” he whined.
“Christian news? What Christian news?” Nate asked, separating Finn and me from our slapping match. “Evie, what news do you have about that asshole?”
“He’s back at work. He surprised me today, and we talked, and everything was fine. He’ll be at Iris’s class tonight, so Finn is going to take her, and I’ll talk to Jody tomorrow and make sure I see him as little as possible. There is nothing to worry about,” I said in one breath, gasping when I was done.
“Bullshit! That asshole fuckface manhandled you in public.” Nate puffed his chest, his fists clenching at his side. “I’m coming with you, Finn.”
“No, you’re not!” I said, pushing him back against the counter. “I have this under control. I don’t need you two idiots barging in there, getting me fired.” Said idiots scoffed and crossed their arms across their chests. “Christian has cleaned himself up and deserves a second chance.”
“He doesn’t deserve shit, Gidge. The bloke is an asshole, andyou’rekidding yourself. You have no control whatsoever over him…or me, for that matter. I’m going, and you can’t stop me.”
“No, you’re not!” I said, pressing my index finger into his ribs.
“Uhhh, I’ll be leaving now,” Finn wisely whispered as he snuck from the room. “Iris, let’s go!”
Nate and I stood face to face, eyes locked in silent battle, until the front door clicked shut, and we realized we were alone. “Where the hell do you get off talking to me like that?”
“Like what? Truthfully? You don’t have any control in this situation, Gidge, and you know it. That’s why you’re pissed.”
“I’m not pissed because of Christian. He was always coming back, and eventually, I was always going to have to deal with it. I’m angry at you for having so little confidence in me to handle it myself. You think I need you clowns storming in there, busting heads? What’s that going to accomplish? It doesn’t give me control over anything except whether or not I bail your dirty ass out of jail.”
“But you would, though.” He lowered his mouth to my ear, his whole demeanor switching on a knife’s edge. “You’d bail my bad ass out, bring me home, and punish me till I was your good, obedient boy again.”
