Page 91 of Secrets in Love
Iris squealed with delight and ran to collect her things while I applied the same aggressive stance to eating my breakfast as I did to prepare it.
In a flash of color and movement, Finn and Iris bailed, leaving Jocie and me alone.
Compared to Finn, she was as cool as the gallon of ice cream I’d eaten last night that was still causing digestion issues, appearing almost serene as she poured us some tea from her favorite Royal Daulton pot.
“He tried to book a flight home yesterday.” I nearly choked on my crust. “I managed to convince him to stay, but he wouldn’t tell me or Finn what happened. So, why don’t you?”
An arctic wind swept over me. “He was going to go home?”
“Apparently so.”
“I can’t believe he would do that without even talking to me.”
“And have you been talking to him? Have you told him that you’re in love with him, for instance?”
“God, why is everyone so obsessed with that stupid, pointless word?” The frustrated slamming of my teacup against the saucer earned me a frown from Jocie. “I talk to Nate almost every minute of every day. We share everything—food, drinks, the shower, our bed!” I blushed, remembering who I was speaking to, but continued. “If Nate is so prepared to just up and leave, whether it be today, tomorrow, three weeks, or three years from now…if it’s going to end, what’s the point of a grand declaration? I’m going to be alone anyway.”
“And tell me, Nostradamus. Why does it have to end? How do you know you won’t remain glued at the hip for another seventy years?”
“Because forever is a fairy tale. How many times have you thought you’d found forever? Yet, here you sit, sharing breakfast with me, none of your forever’s at your side.” Cringing at the harshness of my words, I shot an apologetic look at the woman who had given me so much. “I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I’m just… I mean, look at Shelby and Finn or Mum and Dad, for fuck’s sake. Nothing lasts forever, Jocie. Nothing. Why would I risk losing you and Finn and Evie just to end up alone thousands of miles away from everybody I love. I won’t do it. I won’t. I refuse to put myself through the pain of losing my heart and soul again.”
A shocking amount of ugly crying commenced, and I was swept into Jocelyn’s arms and held as the fear and frustration and pain leaked from my traitorous eyeballs.
Remorse filled Jocelyn’s voice as she whispered into my hair, “I warned him not to push you. I told him it would scare you off, and here I am, doing the exact same thing. I’m sorry, my darling.”
“When?” I sniffed. “When did you tell him not to push me?”
“This morning, before he came to surprise you with the trip.”
“A trip? Was he planning on taking me on a trip?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No, he came to work, but he saw Christian and me dancing, freaked out, barged into the studio, and pushed Christian onto his ass in front of all the kids and their parents. It was mortifying, Jocie. And we had a big fight. I said he was my friend, and he told me I was his woman, and then I yelled that I wasn’t his woman, and then he cried and left.”
“Oh, my poor darling.”
The flood continued until my tears made Jocelyn’s favorite nightgown frighteningly transparent. She left to change and returned a few minutes later with the car keys and a determined glare. “He was going to take you camping at Tarrytown. He wanted to treat you because, and I quote,‘She works so hard and is always looking after everyone else. Iwantedtodosomethingniceforher.’” Jocelyn threw me the keys and smiled. “Get in the car. Go away together for a couple of days. I’ve booked you the same enormous house we stayed at last time, so you can have separate wings if you like. But don’t let it end like this because I promise you’ll regret it.
At that very moment, the front door opened, quietly closed, then Nate appeared before me with a bunch of blue hyacinths. His pain was all too evident in his beautiful brown eyes, now red with dark shadows circling them completely. Pouting so cutely it broke me, he watched me sniffle and dry my eyes with my sleeve, then held the bouquet before me.
“The lady at the shop said blue hyacinths represent making peace. I’m sorry I was such a clown and a bully. And I’m super sorry that I made you cry, ‘cause I never want to make you cry, Gidge.”
“Nate,” I sobbed, “I don’t want to make you cry either, you big bully clown-boy, and I’m sorry too. I should never have spoken to you like that, especially in front of Christian.” Until then, I hadn’t noticed that Clown-Boy—which was absolutely going to stick—was holding his breath. But he was, and the epic exhale that chased my words would have knocked all three little pigs’ houses over in one go. The hyacinths were laid on the table, and I cautiously wrapped my arms around Nate’s waist, resting my head on his chest and listening to his pounding heart. “I heard you were going to take me away.”
His silent chuckle shook me in his arms. “Gee, I wonder where you heard that from?”
Jocelyn, who remained in the room, watching and theatrically dabbing tears from her eyes, raised her hand and smiled. “No camping, though, Nathaniel. You’re right about Evie deserving a break, and I have booked just the place. The car is still packed. Now get the hell out of here and go have some amazing upstate make-up sex.”
Nate
The air may have been cleared when we left the house, but a chill reminiscent of the approaching winter lingered. Our hands were locked the entire drive, alternating thighs every few miles, and the little conversation we had was forced, almost disingenuous. Not talking about things we desperately needed to talk about had become our thing. It was a disturbing pattern that even my useless himbo man brain knew was trouble. As my mum always said, “There’sonlysomuchyoucansweepundertherugbeforeitbecomesatriphazard.”
I didn’t want Evie and I to trip. But I also wanted to avoid more conflict.
Tarrytown was quintessential upstate New York…apart from the fact that it moonlit astheSleepy Hollow.
Evie was keen to show me Jocelyn’s land, so we drove straight to the house, emptied the car into the mansion that had been so generously gifted, and took a walk. As we trudged up the hill then back down to the block, I couldn’t help but smile, thinking over how far we’ve come since Evie was here last. How hot she looked in braids and a beanie when we FaceTimed, and how embarrassed she was when she fell on her tight little ass.
