Page 98 of Secrets in Love
The wine was snatched from my hand. “Barry? Barry had a stroke. When did Barry have a stroke? Why didn’t I know Barry had a stroke? Shit, I said Barry a lot. Am I having a stroke?”
In much the same manner as I had done with her aunt, but with an added boob graze, I braced Evie by the shoulders. “Come and sit, Gidge.” I took the wine from her, placed it on the table, and sat in the chair. Before she could argue, I pulled her into my lap and rejoiced that, for once in her life, she didn’t argue. She just tucked her head beneath my chin and sighed.
“The day after you arrived in New York, Dad and I were mucking around with the new sweeper harvester. He was so excited, like fat little Finn when he got some chocolate. Anyway, mid-sentence, he stopped talking and went all pale and limp. We were squatting next to the tractor, and he tried to stand and couldn’t. He kind of rolled over and started to vomit. I remembered the signs of a stroke from when we did our bronze medallions with the lifeguards at school, so I called an ambulance straight away. We were really lucky. One was almost passing our place on the way back to town, so they arrived in minutes.”
Soft kisses were placed on my neck, and Evie wrapped her arms around me. Emotions I didn’t even know I’d buried within me bubbled to the surface. I struggled to stem the tears. “I’m so sorry, Nate. God, that must have been terrifying. Obviously, Barry is okay. I mean, I’ve spoken to him on the phone. He seems fine.”
“He is now.” I sniffed, wiping away what felt like acid rain forming in my eyes. “It was considered a minor stroke, but he was off his feet for a few weeks. Every day, he had these terrible headaches and would be sick if he moved too quickly. Couldn’t ride in the car for long. And sleep…fuck. He could sleep twelve hours a night, be up for a few, then go back and sleep another five or six. Poor Mum was at her wit’s end, but thankfully, he got better bit by bit.”
“Why didn’t you tell us, Nate? I would have come home straight away.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you. I knew you would want to come home, and I worried about how you’d cope. Finn was worried too. He knew how homesick you were, and we agreed that coming back so soon would make it even harder to leave again.”
A rapid chill hit the room.
“Wait. Back up.”
Oh, shit.
Ominously, Evie slid her arms away and folded them in her lap. “Finn. Did you tell Finn about your dad and not me? And then you two knuckleheads pooled your pitiful mental resources and decided poor little Evie couldn’t cope?”
“You’re blowing this way out of proportion. Finn is my best mate and—”
“You told me I was your best mate, too. Did you tell me that just to woo me? To sleep with me?”
“Shit, no, Evie. No, of course not.”
“I don’t know why I’m surprised. Old dogs don’t learn new tricks, after all.”
The spite in her tone stole the air from my lungs.
“That’s really unfair, Gidge. When Dad had the stroke, I really struggled. You and I hadn’t been talking as much. I had no idea we could become even closer than we already were—closer than Finn and I were. He was the only one I had to talk to, and all we did was try and look after his little sister—”
That had her up on her feet and firing. “I am not his little sister! I am older than him, numb nuts. Yes, I am twenty feet shorter, but I am equal in strength, if not stronger, than Finn. I would have been just fine.”
“But I fucking wasn’t!” I roared. My fist slammed into the table and then shot back into my hair. “Jesus, Evie. I’m sorry that you, for once in my life, were not my first thought.”
You’d have thought I had slapped her by the look on her face. “The worst thing is, if I think about it now, that’s not even true. Everything was on me. I had to look after Mum and Dad, and the farm, and my fucking self. But as I held his hand in that ambulance, praying he would be alive when I got out of it, can you guess what I was thinking? I thought of nothing but you…you and your lips, and how they quivered and shook, and were red and puffy for weeks after your parents died. I remembered how sad you were. How physically ill you were. You said grief was the worst thing ever, and you never wanted to feel that wretched again.”
“Nate,” she sobbed.
“No, don’t cry. ‘Cause I can’t handle it when you’re sad. It breaks me, Eves. And then I’ll cry, and I am a dude, and I am not fucking crying in front of you. I never,everwanted to see you that miserable, to hurt again like you did with them and like I did when we lost Shelby. I knew your coming home would bring it all up, and I would do anything to protect you from it. The reality of your family leaving was already killing me, and I couldn’t bear to make you sad again. Even if that meant I had to go through the scariest thing that had happened to me alone.”
Just like I’d pictured in that ambulance, Evie’s lip dropped and began to tremble. “You sweet, sweet, man. I am so bloody sorry for everything. For your dad and… Please forgive me for being so selfish.”
My anger lasted as long as it took her tiny fingers to caress my cheek. “Of course I forgive you.”
“How?” she laughed almost bitterly. “How can you say that so quickly?”
I pulled her against my body and clung for my life. “Don’t you get it, Gidge? I am a complete blithering fool for you. You are it for me. I love you with every part of me. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you. You say you’re cold and don’t feel, but it’s crap. Everything you do is love. You eat, breathe, and sleep it. You love your family, friends, writing and dancing, and work.”
“Nate, I…I—”
I couldn’t bear to hear her struggle to admit what I knew was true, so I silenced her with a kiss. “And I know you love me. And like I said, one day, you’ll say it, and whenever that day is, I’ll be ready.”
Evie
The pendulum of life swung so quickly it could be hard to keep your bearings.
