Page 86 of Secrets in Love
“A purpose,” I sighed, stroking my chin with my index finger and thumb in a manner befitting a Disney villain.
“You mean apart from lying half naked on an Aussie beach and bonking his brains out every five minutes?” Teddy added.
“Wha—Jesus, Teddy. Yes, apart from that.” Finn couldn’t help but laugh, but I could only manage a half grin. I was already too busy plotting.
Evie.
People who had pic after pic saved on multiple Pinterest boards about bedroom layouts, paint schemes, decorations, and furniture always bugged me. They could spend thousands of dollars on bloody cushions, creating a mood, a peaceful haven, a respite from the outside world, but then complain endlessly about how expensive little Daisy’s dance classes were and not pay their bill on time.
My bedroom, my bed, had never been thought of like that. Growing up with the attitude and mouth I had, myhavenwas associated with being in trouble.Go to your room, young lady.Godoyourhomework,orbloodygotosleep! And sleep itself was never something I savored. It was done out of necessity, as an unavoidable part of life. In the months and years following the loss of my parents, in the hours spent alone in the dark, I was often consumed with grief, worrying over the what-ifs and never-going-to-bes. I’m surprised the patch of paint on my ceiling didn’t melt from the intensity and duration of my gaze.
Being with Nate changed all that. My room became our oasis. A place I longed to be. A place that I raced home from wherever I was to be and that I never wanted to leave. Even when we were slightly pissed off with each other or walking on eggshells, like we had been in the days following Nate’s little lesson on control, we always managed to come together in that space and sort everything out. Even when our bodies weren’t twisted around each other, we were as close as could be—bingeingSexandtheCity, laughing till we cried overTheOffice,and setting unrealistic expectations with endless Austen adaptations.
It was where I felt my most powerful, the most in control. The mostmeI’d ever been. Where I was declared his queen, heralded, and treated as such, my body worshipped, my mind adored.
And that was how it happened. In my quest to nurture that, to create our own little world where our pasts and the future held no importance, I became a Pinterest person. Whenever I was able to separate her from Finn’s hip, Scarlett—my enabler—and I would hit the shops, searching for, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on linens and lamps, artwork and pillows, knick-knacks, and indoor plants to further invigorate my—our—space.
The changes were significant—in the room and in me. The wee hours became treasured, occupied by the giving, receiving, making, and declaring of love in every way possible…bar none. Despite what was bubbling below the surface, threatening to spill from my lips each time he brought me to the peak of pleasure, I stubbornly refused to tell Nate what I’d finally acknowledged to myself…
That I was hopelessly, madly, frustratingly, lustfully in love with Nathaniel Myers.
That the thought of him leaving in a few weeks split my soul in two.
That I wanted to ask him to stay.
That I knew he wouldn’t.
So, I couldn’t.
“Exactly how many pillows does one need on a bed?” Nate asked as I correctly remade the bed he’d made while I was in the shower.
“When I hit the right amount, I’ll let you know.” I threw my latest buy at his head, then quickly ran to pick it from the floor when I missed, dusting it off and correcting the unaligned ruffles. “They look pretty, though. Don’t you think they make the room seem cozier? More…intimate?”
“Intimate? You know, I do like intimacy, but I can honestly say I’ve never equated it with cushions.”
“Me either. But here we are.”The pile was perfect. Everything where it should be, the colors arranged in a beautiful boho ombre….until Nate dived into them like a four-year-old in a ball pit.
“Speaking of intimate…” He tapped the bed and gave me the wink-wink. “How about it?” Wink-wink.
Intimacy had occurred twice already this morning. I’d woken him with my lips wrapped around his morning wood, then tied him up, spanked his thighs, and lost my mind as I had my first go at reverse cowgirl…and still he wanted me.
I wanted him too. So much it hurt—as would my hoo-ha if I had sex again. “I’d love to, really, but I have a class today, remember? I’m filling in for Kim, the usual Sunday teacher, and I can’t let Jody down. She’ll be there by herself otherwise.”
“This little job of yours is really eating into our sex time, Gidge. I’m glad that when you come home with me, you can be a lady of leisure, and I can have you at my beck and call.
“There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I’m not even bothering to argue.”
“But I love it when you argue with me. That’s why I said it.” Stretching his long, sexy arms out, Nate slapped my ass and attempted to pull me back to bed. “I freaking love those leg warmers too. You look so hot. Come on, Shirley. Give me fifteen minutes with those fluffy legs wrapped around my neck. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”
“As complimentary and enticing as having my legs referred to as fluffy is, it’s a huge group today, and I can’t be late, or they’ll eat Jody alive.” I blew him a quick kiss, and I and my fluffy legs hurried out the door before he could change any of our minds.
Greeting me from behind the desk, with bright eyes that shone even more so as I neared and that toothpaste-commercial-worthy smile, was a face I had not expected.
Fuck.
“Where’s Jody?”
“Good morning, Evie. You look beautiful today. How are you? I brought you a coffee, cream and two sugars, just how you like it.”
