Page 19 of No Turning Back
If you’re reading this, then I’m gone. Dead, probably and hopefully not in some ridiculous accident. I hope to God, I told you this while I was still around. But just in case I didn’t, because I’ve made more than a few mistakes in my life, I need to say this plain and clear:
You were the one thing I got right.
I know I wasn’t always good at showing it. Or saying it. Hell, sometimes I wasn’t even good at being in the same room with you without letting my own crap leak through. But you, my darling daughter, were the light of my life.
Before you, before your mom, I thought my life was good, even blessed. I had no idea about the evils that were lurking just beneath the surface.
By now, I’m sure your mother has told you. But God forbid she couldn’t.
I grew up with a brother. Spoiled, yes, but I didn’t realize until too late that he was a monster.
When I refused to go after the woman he hurt in order to gain access to the child conceived in evil, I was blamed. Blamed for protecting her instead of helping them cover it up. That was when I knew I didn’t want a future in that world. So, I left.
But now… it’s caught up to me.
Ten months ago, my father died. My mother, your grandmother, wanted to approach her grandson. Thankfully, I was able to warn her off by threatening her access to the trust fund I’d set aside for her after my parents burned through their own fortune.
With my passing, I’m certain she will find him and I’m certain she will reignite the story of me being his father.
I would love to shield that child from the monster that was his father, but the truth is, I can’t trust him. If he has even an ounce of my brother in him, stay far away, Quinn.
I love you,
Dad.
With steady hands, steadier than I feel, I fold the letter back into its envelope and shove it into the glove compartment.
What the actual fuck.
Why the fuck would my father wait until he’s in the ground to tell me this sordid history? What was I supposed to do with it now, build a shrine to family trauma?
Do I find this boy, who’s definitely a man by now?
For all I know, he has no idea any of this happened. Maybe he’s living a perfectly happy life with his adoptive parents. Maybe he has his own kids, his own mortgage, his own little world that doesn’t include any of us.
He could be happy.
The only person who could blow that to hell is… well, Grandma. The woman whose name I don’t even know.
How does that even happen, having a grandmother you’ve never heard of?
Grabbing my phone, I scroll past the familiar names until I land on one, I haven’t touched in years. My thumb hovers over it for a second.
Sam.
I haven’t spoken to him since I ghosted the unit after my discharge. I went down a dark hole after waking up in thathospital, the kind where days blur and you start forgetting why you should even try to get up. The only thing that pulled me back was Markus. Not even Kate could drag me out of that fog, but Markus… Markus had this way of showing up like he’d just decided I was worth saving. And he did. Which is probably why I can never stay mad at him for long.
I hit call before I can overthink it.
“Yeah?” A gruff voice answers, low and familiar.
“Hey,” I say, trying to sound casual but already smiling.
There’s a pause. “Well, look who decided to remember I exist. Been a while, Quinn.”
“Yeah,” I say softly. “It has.”
I can hear noise in the background, doors opening, voices calling out, the muffled thud of footsteps. “You good?” I ask.
