Page 71 of No Turning Back
The reality of my situation crashes down on me. "Oh god," I groan, burying my face in a throw pillow. "I have to go home and face him after that text."
"Yes, that's generally how roommates work," Kate says, her voice thick with sarcasm. "You can't just avoid him forever."
I peek out from behind the pillow. "Watch me. I'll just... stay here. Forever. You won't even notice me. I'll be like your second shadow."
Aiden appears in the doorway, arms crossed. "Absolutely not."
"Please?" I beg.
He shakes his head. Asshole.
"Kate, help," I plead, giving her my best puppy dog eyes.
She ignores my desperation, handing me the glass of water instead. "Drink this. All of it."
I reluctantly take the glass and gulp it down, the cool liquid a stark contrast to the warmth of embarrassment spreading through my body.
"Look," Kate says, sitting beside me again. "You've spent months tiptoeing around your feelings for Sam. Maybe this is the universe's way of forcing your hand."
"The universe is an asshole too," I mutter, sipping more water.
Aiden comes closer and kisses Kate on the forehead. "I'm gonna check outside." Then he ruffles my hair gently. "If you need to of course you can stay, but don't run, ya?"
I watch him leave then turn to Kate. "He's become kind of a pill since he started therapy."
She nods. "You have no idea. Sometimes I just wanna spaz out and he goes, 'talk your feelings.'"
"Ass," we both say at the same time.
My head falls back as I stare at the ceiling, the room still spinning slightly from the champagne.
Kate says, "What's holding you back?"
I continue to stare up. "It's like..." I sit straight. "Markus and I, we were good. For a while there before the whole reenlistment and adoption talk started. We were happy, he was there for me and I honestly thought that was it." I clutch a cushion to my chest, holding it tight like it might keep me from falling apart. "Then he just... cheats. I didn't see it coming. He didn’t just cheat, he's having a child with another woman."
A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it. "I know I chose not to carry a kid, but-" I sniffle, wiping roughly at my face, "doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that he just knocked someone up then expected me to be okay with it."
Kate starts to say something, her face softening with sympathy, but I go on, needing to get it all out.
"Then he tries to take my money in the divorce, gets a DUI and just... what changed his mind?" I wipe at my tears with the back of my hand. "It just feels so... unfinished. Like it's not done."
Kate reaches over to squeeze my hand. "Maybe it doesn't need to be done in the way you think. Sometimes closure isn't about understanding why someone did what they did."
"But how do I move on when nothing makes sense?" I ask, my voice cracking. "One minutes we’re happy, next he’s fucking someone else. One minute he's fighting for everything, the next he's just... giving up. People don't change that drastically without reason."
Kate's eyes fix on me with that look I've come to recognize, the one that means she's about to drop some hard truth. She leans forward, both elbows on her knees.
"The answers you're looking for may not be the ones you wanna hear," she says softly.
I blink at her, the alcohol making her words echo strangely in my head. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She sighs, tucking her hair behind her ear. "It means maybe Markus didn't change. Maybe he was always this person, and you just couldn't or wouldn't, see it."
The words hit me like a physical blow.
"I need to know," I whisper, clutching the cushion tighter. "I can't just... move on without understanding why."
Chapter Twenty-Three
