Page 29 of Sol
I couldn’t stayhere.
My two large bags were shoved in the bottom of the freestanding wardrobe, ready to be filled, zipped up, and hoisted in a cab. It wouldn’t take me long to pack up. I could be gone within the hour. No one would know I was ever in Spain. I could fold up like a pop-up shop and never be seen again. I didn’t have to deal with Trent, after all. It was my life. He brought that suffering to me. I didn’t have tosuffer.
I could justleave.
But where would Igo?
Nowhere.
I curled up on my couch and rocked, my arms wrapped around my knees. This room felt too small, too empty. Pointless. Like there was no reason for any of this—this living thing. Not if it was gonna hurt thisbad.
Degan. I missyou.
I’d better just pack up and get out of here. I got off the couch and headed over to my wardrobe when my phone lit up with a text fromLouise.
You still inSpain?
I picked it up and called her on speaker phone, sniffling. “Of course I’m still here.” While technically it was the truth, a leaden lump formed in my belly, and I wrung my hands. “Okay, I was getting ready to packup.”
Her voice came over the phone, satisfied. “I knew it.” Then her voice softened. “Trent stillthere?”
“No. I kicked that fuckerout.”
The line went silent. “Dani. Whathappened?”
A sob welled up, and I couldn’ttalk.
“What do you need?” she continued. But still I couldn’t answer. After a pause, she made a decision. “No class today. I’ll be over in a few, and we can get somebreakfast.”
“Do what you want,” I saidlistlessly.
“Open the door for me when I get there,” sheordered.
Twenty minutes later, Louise hustled in my kitchen, making coffee on a percolator designed by Sputnik engineers, and cutting up fruit for a salad. She set out a container of yogurt andhoney.
“You’re gonna eat something, pipsqueak. Otherwise you’ll fadeaway.”
I didn’t care if I ever ate again. All morning I’d alternated between a deadening numbness and exploding over every little thing, mixed with the burning desire to just get the fuck out ofSpain.
Taking my current nonresponse with aplomb, she scooped out some yogurt, piled on cut-up strawberries and other fruit, and drizzled honey ontop.
“Take a bite.” I did. It tasted delicious, but I didn’t feel like eating anything. With her eyes, she urged me to eat some more, so, mechanically, I took two more bites for her. She made a bowl for herself and sat across from me at my kitchen table, pouring each of us a cup of coffee. My savage hair and bloodshot eyes must have been a sight for her, all serene in matching royal blue from head to toe. But she never minded my freespirit.
As I took another bite, I asked, “Have you ever had someone do something that just fucked youover?”
Lulu’s raised eyebrow said,you have got to be kidding me. Out loud, she said, “Ofcourse.”
“And no matter what good points they have, you can’t get overthat?”
“Tell me about it,” she muttered so emphatically I wondered what she was thinkingabout.
“What happened toyou?”
“Don’t change the subject. What are you talkingabout?”
“Trent is the reason Degan went in the army. And since Degan went in the army and didn’t comeback…”
I didn’t need to say anymore, because Lulu’s eyes shone. Talking about my brother made me want to punchsomething.
