Page 37 of Sol
Dani -- Running
The sweet,stunningly good-looking bearer of bad news kept followingme.
“Why are you still here?” I demanded, then immediately wanted to take back my words. I wanted to take back all my rudeness since he’d been here. I didn’t know what came over me around him, and I didn’t like acting this way. He garneredanythingbut indifference from me. I’d turned into a class-A bitch that I never wanted tobe.
Although I’d told Trent repeatedly that I never wanted to see him again, that wasn’t true. He was just too much for me to handle. Was it a Pavlovian response? See Trent, and instead of salivating, Iyelled?
To be honest, he made me salivate,too.
He apologized with his eyes. Those mesmerizing eyes. “Look. I didn’t come to Spain without warning you. I sent you an email,” he breathed, jogging next to me. “I hoped you’d respond so we could meet at the airport.” He smiled. “Guess I should have known you never checkit.”
“You did? What did yousay?”
“It just said to get in touch with me as soon as possible. I would’ve come wherever you were. It was too important. I didn’t want to tell you by phone or anemail.”
That earned him a small smile. “I appreciatethat.”
“I hope you’ll forgive me for having to deliver thenews.”
“Uh-huh,” I said, noncommittal. We kept going. Having him so close to me meant I could check him out while pretending I wasn’t. Those muscles that had been suggested but hidden by his T-shirt in class were now on full display—a broad chest and back, narrow waist, and flat abs going to his sweatpants waistband. His belly moved in a sensual way when he inhaled. A taut V-line stretched over his hips and dipped down to what was surely goodness below. Instead of dropping in his face, his thick hair slicked back with sweat, showing off his eyes. Perspiration glowed on his golden chiseled torso—no blotchy redness forhim.
Goddamn beautifulman.
We passed by rows and rows of fragrant roses in every color, almost up to my shoulders. In silence, we completed another half turn around the parktogether.
Running brought me the clarity I lackedearlier.
Just seeing him in Spain changed me. I liked to go through life living in my own fairytale, creating my own pretty world. In the past several years I’d been all over the world—Peru, Ecuador, Japan, Vietnam, Italy, and now Spain, just to name a few of the dozens ofplaces.
Meeting people. Experiencing the moment. Movingon.
When he showed up, he obliterated my fairytale.Poof. Now I had to deal with the real world. Not only did he remind me of people I’d lost, he reminded me of people back in California I hadn’t thought of since I’d left and hadn’t looked back. Like, I wondered how Trent’s parents were doing, how old friends were nowadays. Had I been so self-centered in my own little world that nothing elsemattered?
Mierda. I liked my world. It kept me safe. I didn’t have to deal with ugly things. There was a reason why we created our own worlds. They protected us. It wasn’t selfish to dothat.
Right?
Then my stomachsunk.
Wrong.
As I ran, I internally cringed. Memories came flooding into my brain that I’dsuppressed.
The last thing I’d shouted to Degan before heleft.
The crushing guilt from ourargument.
How I could never get any of that back.Ever.
I’d really fuckedup.
If I didn’t do something, I’d start crying for the millionth time since Trent had shown up. I was never much of a crier, but the past two days I’d gone through a whole box and a half ofKleenex.
No more. I was gonna run it out of mysystem.
Lifting my knees, I sped up, needing to make yet another loop around the largepark.
“Jesus, Dani, hang on,” he called, and hastened his pace to keep up withme.
