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I looked down at her and smiled. She eyed me, no longer subdued. Now, she was kind of pissed, kind of grinning, hand on her hip. Tinything.
Biting her pretty lip, she asked in a quaking voice, “You’re really going off to the war?” Her artfully ripped off-white T-shirt slipped down her shoulder. That lip trembled. Then she straightened her back and shirt up, and sucked in that little show ofemotion.
Typical Dani. Everything was happy happy, joy joy. Never anythingwrong.
I leaned against the wall next to her. Her breath hitched as I got closer, and her eyes widened. A new karaoke singer sang “We Can’t Stop”by Miley Cyrusdecently well. Myfavorite.
“Yeah.”
“I’m not happy about that,” she said, her hand shaking slightly. Her shoulders squared. “I’m just not into the military. I don’t really think we need one. I think everyone should just turn in theirguns.”
What did she think of me, then? I couldn’t imagine life without a strong defense. I gaped at her, horrified. “What? You’re crazy. Without a strong military, there is no security. I don’t feel safe at all unless we’re better, stronger, in every way. That is the onlysecurity.”
She sagged into the wall and touched her fingertips to her mouth. “We go overboard on defense. I don’t wanna be ruled by fear because we are all human beings. We don’t need to shoot each other. We just need to understand each other. I only feel safe when I am free from fear, not focused onit.”
Somehow I knew she was telling me the god-awful truth. That we had fundamentally different ways of viewing the world. No matter how much I liked her, this core belief would keep usapart.
I wanted to put her in a cage and guard her. And she only felt safe if there were no cages in sight. Would she ever want to be with me? Were my lustful thoughts about herstupid?
But this wasn’t a kind of argument we should have. Not right now. Not when Degan and I were leaving for the army. Not when I wouldn’t see her again for a very longtime.
Glancing around the room and letting her lower lip out with a pout, she continued, “So even though I don’t like it, you’re still gonna take my little brother withyou?”
Her airy tone told me that maybe we didn’t need to have this fight now. That maybe things were the same as always. Because while she and I hadn’t discussed this at all, her brother and I had planned on enlisting our entire lives, and she knewit.
Get out of high school, join the army, travel the world, be badasses.Simple.
With a half-smirk, half shrug, I replied, “There’s no reason for us not togo.”
But I was wrong. The reason for me not to go stood right in front of me, so close, so enchanting. Little strands of hair fell into her eyes—those eyes—and she gazed up atme.
Her words came out quietly, her breath barely escaping her lips. She radiated a heat and a sweetness. I wanted to touch her, to taste her. Sobadly.
“And there’s nothing I can do to stopyou?”
This pixie was gonna be the death of me. I couldn’t handle being this close to her. After spending my entire teenage years lusting after my best friend’s older sister, to have her six inches away from me, I couldn’t deal. I couldn’t say anything other than, “Yeah.”
Her next words came out so low, I could barely hear them. I had to lean close, and her lips brushed my ear. Like a butterfly kiss or a wing of a bird. So soft andgentle.
After all theseyears.
It wasn’t just myimagination.
She liked metoo.
With a smile, she ran a finger up my arm. Her touch spiraled through my body, setting a blaze off under my skin. While I’d been close to her before—and fantasized about her for years—this was the first time she’d ever shown that she saw me as anything other than her brother’s friend. That I was something other than akid.
Of course I wasn’t a kidanymore.
“Anything you need before you go?” sheasked.
And I saw. I justknew.
It was aninvitation.
“Absolutely, yes,” I said, and her eyes lit up as I leaned in, our lips met, and I kissed her by the Star Wars pinball machine. I kissed her the way I’d always wanted to kiss her, the way she should bekissed.
Tongue, lips, teeth,mine.
