Page 42 of Sol
Trent -- Tetería
Loud bursts of angry gunfire.
Rat-a-tat ofrounds.
Roars ofengines.
Shouts, all theshouting.
Then the gushing blood all over myhands.
With a start, I woke up in my room allalone.
A light from the street outside spilled onto the floor, broken up into lines from the wooden shutters. I got up, my hands shaking, and picked up a bottle of water, downing half of it. Sweat poured down my face and back as I paced,overheated.
I studied the time on my phone. Three o’clock in themorning.
Fuck.
I hated these dreams. Nightmares. Whatever. Always the same. Every night since Degandied.
Placing the water carefully on the nightstand, I slouched on my bed and reached for my wallet. Sorted my cards. Inspected the picture. Put it allback.
Why him? Why couldn’t it have beenme?
Trembling in bed alone, tears fell down my face, and the hair on the back of my neck stoodup.
I’d let my best friend down. I should have reactedquicker.
Where the fuck were our tourniquets? Why hadn’t I thrown myself in front of theIED?
Why did I get tolive?
I swiped a rough tissue from the nightstand and blew my nose, my shoulders aching from crying. I shoved on my shoes and shirt, grabbed my key, and took off down the hall and outside into the night air. Needing to breathe. Needing to escape from mynightmare.
The cooler air felt fresh on my face, drying the sweat on my cheeks, myforehead.
Peering up at the dark sky, I wondered if Dani would ever be able to forgive me, really forgive me for surviving when her brother didn’t. I winced, knowing that she saw me today at my worst. Did her kindness mean that she would give me achance?
As I went farther and farther down the quiet street, my breathing regulated. My hands stopped moving in jerks. My racing pulse stilled tonormal.
I kept walking, not sure where I was headed. But magnetized to her, I aimed for her place. After our talk today, I felt liked we’d turned a corner. I had something to give to her—a reminder of where she came from, an anchor—and she always gave mejoy.
When I got there, only a few short blocks away, I looked up. Her apartment was dark and closed up, the shuttersdrawn.
Good. She was safe. I headed back to my room and fellasleep.
* * *
“It is hot,”Gustavo said, standing at the front of the room, translating a Spanish weatherreport.
You could say that again. Today, the focus was on climate in Professor Anderson’s class, although his report mirrored how things were going between me and Dani. The physical heat wave still hadn’t broken, but my sensitivity to her every move was heightened—and on fire. Class was a lot more comfortable now that she’d acknowledge my presence and call onme.
But my mind was still preoccupied, only now instead of dreading what I had to say to her, I had to control myarousal.
“We are expecting highertemperatures.”
The hostility she’d displayed toward me before had completely melted away, and I saw traces of the old Dani. The one who danced barefoot in the forest and loved life. The one I adored. She daintily moved up and down the aisles, while we exchanged our work with our partners. With Didi as mine, I likely was learning Spanish with a German accent. Whatever. At least Itried.
